UPDATE ON YSD WHO BANNED SM FROM HER WEDDING (LIKE OSD)
Forums:
My SO wrote back to YSD after she stated why SO was the only wedding guest who was not permitted a plus one.
He expressed regret that she felt hurt by the manner in which her parents split up, stated that he welcomes her calls and visits, and closed by saying he loves her.
YSD hasn't yet responded, but if she doesn't make any effort to get together with him at least twice between now and her wedding, I do not believe that he will attend.
Like her sister, YSD doesn't seem interested in being a part of her father's life nor he being a part of hers. Although it's sad, it is now sinking through to him.
Your thoughts?
Your thoughts?
it depends, is she also not
it depends, is she also not so into his money paying for things she wants?
if she expects your couple $$ to buy her crap byut wants to play leave SM out... no $$ for that kind of brat.
Good point, AgedOut!
YSD is struggling financially as she has recently graduated and found her first real job; however, from what I heard, she is enjoying her work and is slowly making her way.
She is less materialistic than OSD and begrugling accepted money that my SO recently e-transferred to her. The only reason he sent it is because he e-transferred OSD money to buy a baby crib that she desired, so he wanted to be fair.
In fact, when my SO asked her what YSD needed last summer and he would buy it for her birthday, she outright rejected his gift.
My SO has been left out of her wedding planning and has not been asked to contribute financially; all YSD asked is that he just show up for the father-daughter dance. So at the very least, she is not a leech.
Thoughts? I think your DH is
Thoughts? I think your DH is correct. He asked her a legit question about not including his SO, he's putting a boundary there for himself, and he may not go because of the poor treatment he's received (and you of course). It's a tough thing to have this happen and it doesn't say much about the skids behavior or personality.
Goog point, Cover1W.
I think if he had a good relationship with his daughters, my SO could talk this all out with them and in time, they may come to accept his moving on from the marriage.
People's healing schedules vary and it sounds like YSD is having difficulty processing her grief. (And probably OSD too, except that OSD refuses to discuss anything of substance with her father, so we do not know).
She can't even give him a date when to visit his granddaughter. He feels that this is revenge for his supposed transgressions in the past. And so, they shut the door on any open communication by their actions (or lack of actions) towards their father.
If he felt comfortable with them, he might feel okay about going to the wedding but the truth is they appear not to care if they ever see him again. Moreover, he is just a prop at the wedding much like a centre piece or a bouquet; expected at a wedding and nice to look at, but that's it. This is how he felt at OSD's wedding and would feel again at YSD's wedding.
My counsellor stated that he could get into joint counselling with his daughters if all of them were open to it. But they think they are just fine; he is the villain. I have started to go for counselling to strengthen my boundaries.
The daughters have their
The daughters have their reasons why they have turned their backs on their Dad, Im not saying that I agree with them because no one knows the full story.
However, to my mind, if you don't want someone in your life (ie your Dad) you maintain that on all levels. YOU DON'T ASK HIM FOR MONEY OR ACCEPT MONEY FROM HIM. Because you want nothing to do with him, remember?
IMHO
I agree wholeheartedly with you, Kaylee!
YSD doesn't ask for money from my SO, however, OSD is extremely materialistic.
OSD has a well-paying job, but still needs the occasional additional funds from her father to support her lavish lifestyle.
To her credit, she didn't ask him for one penny towards her over-the-top extravagant wedding which was devised and executed by OSD's husband's mother, who paid for everything as long as it was done her way. And it was.
OSD's mother is a spendthrift and OSD's husband is still a university student, so the only person from which she could request a baby crib was my SO. To be fair, my SO did want to buy her a baby crib as she needed one.
However, I think the gravy train stops here. OSD won't even let him see his grandchild, so no more money is going to her now.
Your points are well-taken and appreciated.
Gravy
Yep. Sd23 Feral Forger only uses people and has been no contact after Husband moved her back down from over hours away. She happily mooching off toxic Troll BM currently.
Sounds like a hard thing to watch. I know its hard for me.
I'm sorry that's happening to you and your husband, CLove.
Yes, it is hard to watch.
Unless you were the "other
Unless you were the "other woman" that split up his marriage.. I think punishing you by not inviting you.. due to her lingering feelings about his divorcing their mom is wrong. He is right to set that boundary.
If, by chance, you "were" the other woman it may just be a bridge too far for them to want to see you socially.. and If they are paying for it.. it's their option.. but they have to accept that their father may not participate either..
Good points, ESMOD.
My SO had been separated for 10 years when I came into his life.
Before meeting him, he had two previous relationships since he separated (one for 3 years and one for 6 years). Neither one of them was responsible for breaking up his marriage.
According to YSD, my SO is 100% to blame for the marriage breakdown, separation, and divorce (even though BM betrayed him multiple times during the marriage).
According to YSD, he is a demon and BM is a saint so her transgressions do not matter. However, because my SO is a demon, anyone associated with him is also painted with that brush. The fact that he would dare become romantically involved with anyone besides her mother is too much to bear.
The fact that he left the matrimonial home when it got too much for him and refused to reunite with BM in the subsequent years has made YSD and OSD very angry at him.
YSD wants him now to accept full blame for the marital breakdown and apologize to BM and to her for this. He refuses to do that so now she has banned him from the wedding as well.
I agree with you stepmomnorth.
However, OSD and YSD were never known for their ability to follow proper etiquette.