Went to a Shelter
So, I left and went to a Woman's Shelter. I stayed 10 days. I talked to his friends wife almost every day.She told me he was sad and missing me.I didn't give in until the 9th day. I talked to him on the phone, he wanted me home and things would change, met with him away from the shelter.He said he was sorry and realized he was 90% to blame and says there is something wrong with his controlling dotter.I came home, missed my house and my comfort zone.One hour after I returned home his D shows up at the door...I flipped..he did not let her in..he says she didn't know I was coming home..hmmm..she gave him a large calendar like last year with her mothers birthday,all her FN relatives, her death date and what would have been her dad and mothers 50th wedding anniversary..I flipped again..he knows when his 1st wife died,their anniversary and her BD..
He says he hasn't heard from her since...not sure I believe him...I am home a week, have not seen much of a change..first day he was all over me, holding my hand and very affectionate, now back to watching TV and not talking much..still drinking( not as much)but none-the-less drinking)...this morning he accused me of looking at his cell phone..he put it in his drawer and it was moved he says..so that makes me think he is hiding something, like his D is texting him..I really don't care if she is texting him, but what's to hide? I never see his cell phone..I think that is weird..mine is always on the dining room table or on my desk..
His D was here one day about a month ago, she said" I have a comfortor for your bed " I said politely." that's ok, we don't really need it,but thanks" so while I'm away, she brings it down.We live in an old Victorian home.We have antiques and quilts of the period on our bed.So in the livingroom is this comforter with large ugly blue and brown circles all over it, suitable for modern but not our taste.
He left yesterday to help a friend and is paid and same today..I ma stuck here with no vehicle.Trying to save for a little car out of my small pension..I will go back to the shelter and receive help to get my own place if things don't get better.He is waiting for a call for councelling..not sure if he'll follow through...I am also waiting for a call from the shelter for councelling..input welcome
Hiding his fone and making
Hiding his fone and making accusations is a red flag in my book. I have learned to stop sweeping red flags under the carpet, its not worth living in any situation if you are unhappy. There are good people out there and many that won't do you wrong but you have to put yourself out there in order to find it. Just my take on it.
It made me feel aweful, he
It made me feel aweful, he doesn't get it! I talked to his friends wife awhile ago, her husband saw his dotter in the Mall, She said" I've written my dad off"..saves me heartache, but I feel bad for him..so maybe the reason for hiding the cell phone and accusing me is because she likely texted him, told him off and he does not want me to know.How sad, that she would do that to him when all he wants to do is be with his wife and he thinks I would be happy that she is so mean to him now .He could visit her at her house anytime, no problem !
He is willing to go to
He is willing to go to counselling, but there is a 3 month wait..if things aren't okay in the future I will go back to the shelter.
He married her expecting her
He married her expecting her to not change and of course she did.
She married him expecting him to change and of course he didn't.
I don't know who said it but it smacks of the truth. Especially if he's still drinking nothing is going to change.
I'm sorry Chickadee, keep
I'm sorry Chickadee, keep posting here ok?
I too am alarmed about this "moving the phone" accusation. Way controlling. Please be careful!
I asked him again about the
I asked him again about the phone..he said he put it in his drawer on the right side, when he went to get it it was on the left side..is this nuts or what?..he says he wasn't accusing me, but there are only 2 of us in this house..last night I went to Bingo with my daughter.I told him I was picking her up at 6:30 (3 houses away)..I called from the Bingo hall and said" we are staying for the late night Bingo" and this morning he says" so did Kim go with you" I said" no actually she didn't, I was out meeting with a strange man and we had wild sex" WTF is that all about? Sometimes I think he has the beginning of dementia..I dunno anymore !!
Thank you ..me too !!
Thank you ..me too !!
I wouldn't do it..something
I wouldn't do it..something is not right unless you with held some of your story.
A red flag is a red flag is a red flag if you catch my drift.
I haven't with held
I haven't with held anything..I know the red flags..thanks
My kids are willing to help
My kids are willing to help me move when I am ready to go, not sure yet as I haven't decided.I lived in the city and hour away before I met him. I want so bad to drop that ugly comforter off at her house, but I am a better person than that.It's now stuffed in a box in the laundry room..I will donate it.
This woman ios violent and needs help, but no one will tell her that.She thinks she is happy, but one of the most miserable people I know.Happy people don't threaten others who are recovering from cancer, call them horrid names and bully.
I will not tolerate Bull Sh@t anymore..thanks for you input !
How sweet of you to say that(
How sweet of you to say that( I'm your idol)..my kids were certainly surprised.My daughter told me I was brave.Just had enough, packed some stuff up, called the shelter and they sent a cab. I was dead serious, I didn't know I had it in me,but I know I would not hesitate to do it again if need be..H was in shock..I called him after 7 days and he was very sad..his D has not been around, only the night I came home and he told her she had to leave,I never thought he would.So we'll see what happens, if he stays strong too.Lots of people wondering what he did for me to choose a shelter and people toldl him to smarten up and set some boundaries for his D..
it didn't start withthe comfortor..he told me a long time ago that he loved meat pies.I made a bunch for the freezer, next you know his D starts making them for him, so I stopped.Last Christmas she made a remark about the dressing "it's not bad" just little remarks that daddy really never heard or said she didn't mean it "that way'..do you mean it when you ask someone with cancer "who is going to pay for your funeral if you die ?" H has not seen his 13 year old grandson since the day I came home..so she is punishing her son as well..I know she has told him he is not allowed here..sad..
Thanks so much for your input,