What's Appropriate & What's Not
Hi, I'm new here! I recently got married to a man I'll call H. H had previously suffered living separately from his Ex-wife under the same roof for a decade at her request, before she forced a divorce on him after 30 years of marriage. I came into the picture two years after his divorce was finalised and have nothing to do with the dissolution of his first family.
He has three kids from his first marriage: a 32yo, 29yo and 24yo. The elder two actively resisted our marriage despite watching him suffer for the last 10 years of his previous marriage and, three months into our wedded life, are punishing H for going through with our marriage by withholding their communication with him.
While the eldest and youngest are in another country, his middle child - a daughter - is in the same country as us and has recently started responding to his requests to spend time together (naturally, only choosing time slots when I'm at work so she doesn't have to worry about me being around during their time together). I've been okay with H and his daughter bonding over tennis or ping pong sessions. Indeed, I've wished him a good time together with her.
Then, this morning, he volunteered fetching her to the driving centre to register for motorcycle lessons. He even queued up with her while she registered and fetched her back to his Ex's house after. Mind you, he took time off work to do this. I thought it was excessive, but let it slide.
UNTIL he told me he signed up for riding theory lessons (mandatory to get a licence in my country) to spend time with her.
Does anyone else think this is ridiculous? She's 28, not 18. And even if she was 18, Daddy accompanying her for riding theory lessons is surely a bit too much???
Guilty Father Syndrome much? Or am I being unreasonable?
Please help as I think I'm over-reacting and am trying to grapple with this whole Second Wife thing.
Thanks
Hi Sally Yes, we got married
Hi Sally
Yes, we got married three months ago. I'm 19 years younger. He's actually a wonderful man but is obviously suffering from Guilty Father Syndrome. I'll bet my bottom dollar he offered to pay for the bike lessons.
I don't want to make a scene and come out looking like the unreasonable one. The lessons have been paid for so trying to prevent him from accompanying his daughter is just going to make me look jealous, competitive and controlling. I don't want to come across like any of that.
I'm actually in my bathroom as we speak, not joining him for dinner coz I don't want to say anything I might regret later. I just don't know how to deal with this without being demanding or petty. Sigh
Haha I'm 40 and I have quite
Haha I'm 40 and I have quite a lively personal life outside of my marriage. If anything, he's the one who wants me to spend every moment with him - something I rebelled against in our early days together! I have hobbies and friends outside this marriage so I have things to do if and when he wants to spend time with his family members who don't otherwise want me to be part of their interaction.
Power struggle - Hmmm. I would say no, but perhaps I'm too close to the situation to see it for what it is. Thank you. I will read up on the stages of relationship and try to do some self-reflection.
19 years is a big deal. Anyone who says it's not has either not been in such a relationship or is in denial. I entered this marriage with my eyes wide open. But I'm equally determined to make it work. Knowing there are people who understand how I feel really helps!
Yup, I've accepted his
Yup, I've accepted his insecurities and we compromise now. For example, I've got dinner/drinks with my girlfriends the next two nights while he's busy with meetings etc, but I don't drink too much anymore - got to watch my public image being a pastor's wife and all that now.
I don't think he's blackmailing me emotionally. He just really doesn't think about how things he does might affect me until it's too late. He does learn from each mistake though. I guess I just really want to know if I'm over-reacting.
Am I jealous of his kids? Not really. I think I pity them more than anything. I'm not a child of divorce - especially such a long, protracted and public break-up - so I can't say I understand what they are going through. So I try to encourage him to interact with them - but I think his decision this morning to accompany his 28yo for lessons is just a tad ridiculous. When I was 28, I was co-investing in property with my parents. Not getting daddy dearest to pay for my bike lessons and accompany me to lessons. Geez.
Quilting club?! I don't think
Quilting club?! I don't think so. LOL
Thank you for the advice. It's difficult letting it slide when I think it's ridiculous. But I'll try.
Oh, I'm quite sure he paid
Oh, I'm quite sure he paid for the motorcycle lessons while he accompanied her to register for them this morning. Guilty Father Syndrome and all.
I've worked out that his "kids" will resent me if I come between them which is why I've voiced my disapproval and shall not say anything more. I just need to know if my getting irritated by spending time through traffic theory lessons is as justified!!!
Maybe I'll share in a
Maybe I'll share in a separate post why I am defensive when it comes to his kids. I really don't resent them. As mentioned, I activitely encourage communication between H and them - especially when they've been withholding communication from him.
The two older ones tried their darnest to stop our wedding. Not just by not attending but even reaching out to our minister and trying to get him to not solemnise our ceremony. They've also made their unhappiness known such that some of H's family members have taken their side and want nothing to do with us.
They've been extremely rude to me and I've let it slide coz I honestly couldn't care less. It's only when their actions hurt him that I get defensive. So my natural inclination in this instance is to say: "Whatever." But I'm finding it difficult and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable or whether this is a natural reaction.
Sigh.
Haha no gold chains,
Haha no gold chains, thankfully. I do have objections to his riding a bike though - not that he consulted me or anything, which is another matter on its own.
I actually happen to know someone who was close friends with H's daughter and she said she'd be embarrassed if her Dad accompanied her to lessons at 28! In H's daughter's case, I'm quite sure she's happy being ferried to-and-fro and having him pay for everything.
Thank you for the welcome. I've been Googling away to find articles to help me with this whole Second Wife thing when I stumbled upon this site. I think I'll be posting quite a fair bit to come!
1. He's quite well-known in
1. He's quite well-known in our community and the breakdown of his marriage was pretty public. What he's told me is verifiable with a number of people who've since become my friends.
2. He's missing work but his hours are flexible so he's not endangering our finances. I just think it's ridiculous taking time off work to ferry his daughter all over the place at her age when she can easily find her own way around.
3. Thanks for the view you've shared. I give him lots of freedom to do what he wants - even spending time with said daughter in normal activities like sports or meals. This accompanying her to traffic theory classes is going a bit too far, IMO - although I'm happy to be told off if I'm over-reacting.
Mind my own business if he
Mind my own business if he wants to ride a bike? I don't get to give any input when my husband wants to endanger his life? Wow. You're hash.
Thank you for understanding
Thank you for understanding that it is my business!
We talked last night and I made my view clear that I don't want him on a bike. Totally agree with you about response time etc. He accepted my preference. Let's see if he still goes through with it.
Sorry to hear how your DH's ex is playing the victim and blaming you. Annoying!
Thank you for the advice. I'm so glad I found this community!
It doesn't seem any stranger
It doesn't seem any stranger than learning to golf together or taking cooking lessons to me.
Hmmm. A good comparison.
Hmmm. A good comparison. Thank you.
THIS I wouldn't want his kids
THIS
I wouldn't want his kids in my life and wouldn't care about him hanging out with daughter.
The only thing posted that would bother me is that ridiculous story about this man's first marriage.
They lived separately,in the same home, for TEN YEARS at mom's instances. That leads one to think he wanted out of the marriage but mom didn't. Then one day, out of the blue, mom FORCED a divorce on thus guy~a man who wanted out for at least 10 years.
I'm willing to bet the guy was married in every sense of the word. He started messing around with a younger woman, his wife found out and kick his butt out.
Why would a man with grown ass kids,feel guilty about being divorced unless he did something to make his wife FORCE a divorce in him?
Why would a woman call herself the ACCIDENTAL second wife?
Um, I think you read me
Um, I think you read me wrong.
H's Ex refused to sleep together and made him live separately from her under the same roof. If you really want to know, she was unfaithful twice in the 10 years they lived apart. She threatened divorce all through those 10 years but he resisted coz he didn't want to get a divorce. All this - including the infidelity - is known to his entire family. His kids, btw, were the ones who found out about their mom's infidelity and brought it to his attention as well as the whole family's.
In the end, she forced the divorce in him. He was not messing around. I entered his life two years after his divorce was finalised.
It's not a ridiculous story. Especially when you factor in the fact that he is a church minister.
Why is he, maybe, acting out of guilt? Coz (1) he was unable to hold his first family together; (2) he married me despite his kids wanting him not to marry me.
Why am I an ACCIDENTAL Second Wife? Perhaps coz I didn't set out to be one and never thought I'd marry a divorcee.
He did accept the divorce
He did accept the divorce after fighting against it. What is so difficult to understand about that?
The skids don't accept me coz they are extremely religious and remarriage is a sin in their books. And they expect their father to remain faithful to their mom even though she broke their vows. They don't accept me because they believe their parents' vows still stand.
Just because their mom had affairs doesn't mean they accept their father's wish to move on with life. They desperately want their mom and dad to reconcile and they see me as an impediment to that process - especially now that their dad has married me officially. I don't know how you can immediately jump to the conclusion that since their mom had affairs, they should therefore accept their dad's Second Wife.
Before you declare that someone's story doesn't make sense, you might want to clarify things.
How could her dating other
How could her dating other men during those 10 years be cheating if they were living separate lifes?
Using the words like cheating and infidelity shows that they were living as a typical married couple during those 10 years. You can't cheat on someone you're no longer in a relationship with.
They lived separate lives
They lived separate lives under the same roof. They weren't separated. They hadn't divorced yet. They were still officially man and wife during those 10 years - hence she was unfaithful in those two incidences.
Ask for clarifications before dismissing people's story as unbelievable.
Welcome, I hope you find this
Welcome, I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and get some useful input from others who are living the blended family dream.
I think you should sit him down and give him the same information you have shared here.
For example: "DH, I completely appreciate you wanting to have a relationship with your adult children. I am fine with that. However, I am your wife. Our marriage should be your only priority. Children are the primary responsibility of parents but as yours are grown they no longer have that status. I expect for you to make me and our marriage the same priority that I hold you and our marraige as. The only priority.
I have been retreating to my bathroom to avoid the tension I feel over this situation and I will no longer do that. I have shared my feelings. I am your wife and I should be informed if not consulted of activities that you are wanting to do that take away from our time together. Now, what actions are you going to take to deal with the issue? I can help, we can discuss it, or if you refuse to address the sitaution, I will and you nor anyone else will like that. Tell me, what do you want to do?"
Give something like that a try. Doing nothing would not be an option for me were I in your shoes. You are more than justified in the feelings you have and IMHO you need to make sure DH knows clearly how you feel and that you expect action from him to assure you as his priority.
Take care of yourself.
Wow. Thank you for taking the
Wow. Thank you for taking the time to respond in such depth.
I don't, as a rule, hide out in the bathroom. This is the first time and I am really just getting myself together so I don't respond in a manner I later regret. It's so comforting knowing others think I'm justified in my outrage.
I will take your advice on how to respond. So appreciative of your advice. Thank you!
Their marriage should be
Their marriage should be their ONLY priority in life?
I think if my DSO told me that I shouldn't put my bio kids as a priority in my life, I'd tell him to Fuck Off and don't let the door hit him in the Ass.
I absolutely disagree with
I absolutely disagree with you about him being spineless and having low self-esteem. Nothing can be further from the truth.
I do take your advice on the bike lessons though. I've made my point to him and if he still wants to pursue them to keep his daughter company, I won't forbid it. It's his life, after all.
This is a power struggle.
This is a power struggle. Trust me on this. This SD is manipulating your DH not so much to spend time with DAD but to keep him away from you. Did you read your own posts about his family and his kids? Wake up. Take the blinders off. Every one here thinks their situation is "different" and in time you will see NO you are not different! Evil mean step kids will always be just that: evil and mean. Don't you think her siblings have a part in that? SD is just sneakier and more manipulative that the other 2.
This has nothing to do with how social you are or any of that. This is about stealing time from you and your relationship with your husband, SD wiggling into her Daddy's good graces and turning things against you.
Riding lessons?? at his age!? WTH! I hope you have his life insurance paid up, and I hope that you are the beneficiary of the policy.
Generalising much?
Generalising much?
I actually agree with you
I actually agree with you about what the SD is doing. I don't have any blinders on at all. That's why I'm venting my irritation and frustration here.
I've not read the other
I've not read the other reply, here is what I think from what you wrote. Perhaps your husband wants to learn to ride a motorcycle too? It is not unknown for men in mid-life to want to live their boy-hood dreams. Going with his daughter and spending time with her seems like a great excuse for him to do it now.
If he really pursues a bike
If he really pursues a bike licence, I will ask for his insurance policies.
It's not so much motorcycle safety classes. It's theory classes that, in my country, you have to take in order to pass a theory test. Yesterday, I thought accompanying her to theory classes was ridiculous. I mean, she's friggin 28, not 18. Even if she were 18, does Daddy Dearest need to hold her hand and take her to classes???
Now, after talking it out and finding that he wants to learn to ride, that presents a different issue: He wants to get a bike licence and he didn't consult me? His current wife who stands to lose the most if he dies in a bike accident? Surely he should have consulted me before deciding this was something he wants to do with his daughter?
ARG. I'm so infuriated, I could scream!
I think you've hit the nail
I think you've hit the nail on the head. I guess I'm just super annoyed that I wasn't consulted before he signed up for classes with her. I mean, does my opinion count for nothing???
He is very conscientious and
He is very conscientious and respectful. And I'm perfectly okay with him doing appropriate activities to bond and engage his children. Hence, the title of this thread - What's Appropriate & What's Not.
I think signing up for classes to keep your 28 year old daughter company, pay for her classes and fetching her to and from - it's taking things too far. Tennis is acceptable; this whole motorcycle nonsense is overcompensating and reeking of Guilty Fathers' Syndrome to me.
Thanks, Cat!
Why is it when a man wants to
Why is it when a man wants to spend time with his own damn kids...everyone bitches he is a Guilty Daddy, he is Whipped. Maybe the man wants to learn to ride a motorcycle and he is comfortable enough with his CHILD to actually go do it at his age!!!
My brother is 60. Bought himself a Harley for his 60th bday and is loving it.
When a woman wants to do things with her own kids....she is cheered on, told to leave her DH home that she deserves time alone with her own damn kids.
Double standards.
Which part of "I've been okay
Which part of "I've been okay with H and his daughter bonding over tennis or ping pong sessions. Indeed, I've wished him a good time together with her." do you not understand?
From what you have written, I
From what you have written, I don't think the motorcycle lessons are the issue at all. And who really cares about the relationship he had with his ex? It doesn't matter if you have a social life with friends. The REAL issue is very similar to what I experienced from the beginning of my marriage to DH to 20 years into it: Disrespectful, rude, manipulating Skid, and no support from DH. Rags hit the nail on the head. You are not his priority. If you KNEW you and your marriage were his top priority you wouldn't give a thought to him spending time with his kids as long as it doesn't come out of your pocket or cut into special time with him.
You wrote that they are not accepting of you as his wife. You are only 3 months into this marriage - prime time to set things straight, because if you don't I can guarantee you it will not get better. As Rags suggested, sit down with DH and communicate that your marriage is to be his priority. If he does not want to inform the skids of this, and insist they respect you as his wife, let him go. Three months is a small sacrifice compared to 20 years of stupidly going through hell.
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your view.
The two elder skids have major issues with remarriage rooted in extreme right-wing religious beliefs. They have been disrespectful and rude - but he's put them in their place each time.
I know I am his priority. He has said as much and, more importantly, done things to show me that I come first. (Although I don't really like language like this coz I refuse to be in competition with the skids.) Nevertheless, I think certain activities with the skids are acceptable and certain are not. Tennis, swimming, table tennis - I'm totally fine with all that. Daddy Dearest accompanying his 28 year old daughter to theory classes, and paying for them, is totally ridiculous. When I was 28, I was co-investing in property with my parents!
I take your point on the communication. Thank you for the much-needed advice!
Let's put things in
Let's put things in perspective here:
H paid for her first degree at a local university (three years). That's pretty normal in my culture. She, however, decided she didn't like what she had studied for. So H paid for a second degree at a foreign university (four years). That's not normal. She came back last year and decided she didn't want to practise what she studied for again. Now she's in Bible colleage, paid for by her church.
Don't get me wrong, she's not a materialistic girl. But at age 28, it's high time she started earning her own keep and stop relying on others to pay her bills. Getting Daddy Dearest to pay for motorcycle lessons is just icing on the cake.
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your story. I think we have a lot in common.
- His kids are not happy he got married. They think he's breaking his vow to their mom - when she was the one who broke her vow when she insisted on the divorce.
- There have been actions on their part that have forgiveable, but unforgettable. And yes, I anticipate being a target all the time. Yet I still encourage H to engage them, keep in contact and we even pray for them every now and then.
Yes, they probably see me as a gold digger, which is hilarious coz he's a pastor and he doesn't get paid much, whereas I'm in the corporate world and earn my own keep. The eldest wrote an email copied to the whole family (grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins) about how I am manipulative, selfish, self-centred, incapable of thinking of interests other than my own, and - get this - someone who's "sacrificed family at the altar of career". That last bit was referring to my being unmarried and childless at age 40, in comparison to his mom who's borne H three children. So yes, they should do demonise me.
Initially, I - like you - was very hurt. All my previous boyfriends' families absolutely loved me and I'm used to being accepted and assimilated into my partners' families. So the reception from H's family has been something I'm not used to. But I quickly learnt that I could be anybody off the street and they would react the same way. It's not me they are rejecting, but the idea and reality of their dad's Second Wife that they cannot deal with. Once I realised that, it was easy for me to disconnect and not take things personally.
The motorcycle lessons bother me insofar as he did not consult me first before signing up for theory lessons with daughter. I expected to at least have been consulted first. And if he's not pursuing a licence, then accompanying his 28yo daughter to classes is ridiculous.
Thank you for the welcome and I will continue to post here. Half of those who left comments, including yourself, have been understanding and helpful with their advice. The other half - who question whether my story is believable and who've been rude about my husband without even knowing much about him - I can do without.
Bizarre, right? I can't make
Bizarre, right? I can't make this up!
Oh, I'm so very glad they are adults and are out of H's hair.
When we got our home, H initially wanted to save a room to invite SD to stay over. This was at a time when she had openly screamed at me for breaking up her family - which was absolute nonsense since the divorce was finalised two years before H and I met. "What kind of person are you to stand in the way of a man and wife reconciling???" When H asked her to apologise to me, she refused to for three whole months.
I told H in no uncertain terms that anyone who's disrespectful to me will not be allowed entry into an apartment that I contributed towards. So, yes, any catch-ups with his kids are outside our home. I doubt that they would want to come over anyway - thank God!
And yes, I am extremely cautious if and when I do communicate with the skids. I know my words will probably be misquoted and my actions misconstrued. Polite but disengaged is absolutely the way to go!
You are not making things up.
You are not making things up. Many of us have discovered in dealing with skids is that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. The things your SS said about you and your career, as if it were a passage from the Bible, was not Christian-like at all. A jerk standing in judgement! I am glad you DH stood up for you. Just hang in there.
Thank you! Apart from these
Thank you! Apart from these one-off instances when he forgets to think of how I'd take things, our marriage is actually fulfilling and wonderful.
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By wives, I take it you mean
By wives, I take it you mean the Second Wife? He certainly didn't mistreat the first wife who was one who put him through hell.
But yes, I do feel he is guilty about (1) not being able to hold his first family together; and (2) marrying me against his kids' wishes.
All those activities are
All those activities are perfectly fine in my books. I'm quite sure he hasn't accompanied you to classes as if you were a kindergartener though.
I wonder at your relationship with your dad's current wife...
Dear Tigerlily, I completely
Dear Tigerlily, I completely understand where you are coming from. Firstly, it is quite believable that a man could live for 10 years under the same roof with a wife who has rejected him, especially being a minister with strong values. In this situation he at least still had close contact with his children and had some semblance of a ‘normal’ life albeit suffering the humility of his wife’s 2 affairs during this time. You came into the picture 2 years AFTER the divorce was final. You were both free to begin a new relationship.
The problem here is classic. Birth children not mature, selfless or caring enough to put their father’s (or Mother’s as the case may be) happiness before their own disappointment that they didn’t get their own ‘fairy-tale’ ending. It’s sad, sickening and the very reason forums like this exist and will continue to thrive.
There is no doubt about SD’s agenda. Wielding Dad’s guilt like a sword, she is slicing into the fabric of your marriage with a vengeance. She is out to take his time, attention and money at your expense. You have stated – and there is no reason to disbelieve you – that you have encouraged DH to communicate with his children, even in the face of hostility from them.
You ask if it is unreasonable for DH to sign up for lessons with his 28 year old daughter. He presumably has not previously expressed a desire to do this? YES, this is inappropriate, and he didn’t even discuss it with you first.
In my opinion the motorcycle lessons are the tip of the ice-berg. Next it will be yogo classes, movie night, cordon bleu cookery classes – anything to keep his time and attention away from you. And every time he nods his guilt-driven ‘yes honey’ and feels his warm ‘daddee glow’, she will inwardly be sniggering with victory.
She is 28. Where are her peers, her partner, her life? BM’s influence and her beliefs/background are, no doubt, a powerful force but it’s time to grow up. Yes, it’s fine to spend time with her father, but I feel in this case your gut feelings are spot on. You’re only 3 months into your marriage. I fear you’re in for a rocky ride ahead.
Thank you for your in-depth
Thank you for your in-depth reply. It confirms my hunch about what's going on. :/
H claims to have told me a year ago that he wanted a motorcycle licence. I doubt he was clear about this coz I *know* I would have reacted since I not only think motorbikes are dangerous, but also have a deep-seated fear of losing him since he is so much older than I am.
I knew on the morning of the day that he was going to ferry his daughter to the driving centre to book her lessons, but I didn't expect him to sign up as well. So when he told me he signed up and intends to do at least the theory lessons with SD, I was taken by surprise. Why didn't he talk about this with me before committing?
Their first theory lesson is tonight, and I'm going to meet a family friend who's also a Second Wife to talk about how she dealt with recalcitrant skids in the early days. I'm still infuriated that he's going to classes with her but, apart from getting angry and resentful, there's nothing I can do.
Tip of the ice-berg: This is what I feared. Sigh.
Please don't feel too
Please don't feel too helpless at this stage. You still have ammunition in your armoury but 90% of the outcome will depend on the attitude and commitment of your DH. Is he a reasonable man with whom you can have in-depth discussions without fear of hostility? Something in your reply rang alarm bells with me - when he claimed he told you he was interested in learning to motorcycle some time ago and yet you have no recollection of this. It sounds like gas-lighting. It is probably presumptuous of me at this stage to mention, but you do need to consider the possibility he may be a narcissist (a surprisingly high number of ministers are along with many 'public' figures). In my opinion, this disorder can also be hereditary.
You have had good advice here to sit down with him in a non-confrontational way and help him understand your very real concerns. Of course he must have a relational with his daughter - which you fully support - but boundaries need to be put in place for the sake of your marriage. Don't suffer in silence because the resentment will eat you away. If he's a decent man then softly, softly cachee monkey. If he's a narc, run now!
He *is* a reasonable man and
He *is* a reasonable man and he always wants to talk things through in a non-confrontational manner. In that, I am very lucky as he's unlike any guy I've ever gone out with.
And he's not a narcissist. If anything, he's too self-effacing and far too gracious with people who wrong him or hurt him. That's why his kids get away with their bad behaviour and manipulation. He simply does not think of the ill intentions in people. He always gives them the benefit of the doubt - which is so infuriating!
I've been avoiding communicating with him over the least two days - then I realised I'm being just as bad as his Ex freezing him out in the last 10 years of their marraige and just as bad as his kids who are punishing him with silence for marrying me. So I responded to his text message that I love him too and, even though I don't approve of him going with SD to the stupid theory class tonight, I hope he has the good time that he is looking for.
I refuse to let the skids come between the two of us.
I'm so relieved for you that
I'm so relieved for you that he's a reasonable man. Communication is the key. May I suggest a conversation along these lines...
'DH, I know how much you love your daughter and that you want and need to spend time with her, but I also need you to understand and validate my feelings in all this.
The fact that SD does not want me or any else as your partner (apart her mother) I can live with. I don’t particularly like it because I feel she is not thinking of your happiness and trying to cling onto a past life, but I accept this is the case – at least at present. I realise I must not take this rejection personally and truly hope things can improve in the future.
What I need you to realise is the possibility that, although she obviously enjoys being with you, she may also be actively trying to drive a wedge between us by monopolising your time and attention. I know this possibility is hard for you to accept because you don’t want to think negatively of her, but I seriously urge you to think about it for the sake of our marriage.
I don’t want you to feel ‘piggy-in-the-middle’. That should never be the case. I want to feel we are the strong unit of two who will not break from anybody’s outside influences and calmly make that crystal clear to everyone.
There is still room in your life to be a supportive and nurturing father, but please don’t let past guilt blinker you. Can we work together on this?
I’m not saying ‘love’ me more but asking you to make our marriage your priority in life.
If not, what is there here for me?'
Wow. That is so powerful and
Wow. That is so powerful and moving. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will try this xx
You're welcome, tigerlily. If
You're welcome, tigerlily. If you can't get the words out, put it in a letter and let him chew it over with his supper!
PS - I forgot the bit about reminding him she is an adult and it is his fatherly duty to encourage her independence and guide her to find her own way in life.
As I said - softly, softly catchee monkey!