entitlement
First i just would like to say that I love my step-son but DAMN, he is an entitled, ungrateful and unappreciative little brat. I have raised him full time for the past 11 years. I know kids can sometimes feel a sense of etitlement but i think its embedded in his DNA. His mom is not existent in his life and I have paid for it for the past 11 years. I have been to all the parent/teacher conferences, thrown all the b-day parties, gone school shopping, take him to the Dr., take days off from work because he's sick, making memories and doing everything and beyond what a parent does. But its just never good enough. His attitude is horrendous, and he just thinks these are things i'm SUPPOSED to do. His mom was very part time throughout his life but the past year she has been completly NON-EXISTENT. My husband tells him ALL the time. That he is lucky that i am in his life. He's not a bad kid but I sometimes just feel like freaking screaming. Like is this what my life is? to go through parenthood with no bio child and to have a step son that doesn't appreciate ANYTHING his father and I do for him? I just sometimes feel like its NOT fair. While my husband sometimes understands how i feel. I feel like I can't always vent to him, because who wants to hear how annoying their kid is all time. So I'm left with keeping it myself. I just want a break from him at times. He sees me as the enemy but comes to me for EVERYTHING. He also has a tendency to be fake. I feel myslef just being down for no reason because I JUST WANT THE KID TO APPRECIATE ME, AND HAVE A BETTER ATTITUDE. I mean hes 12, so I expect him to do dumb stuff as all kids do. But its just always everything at once. His behavior, his attitude, his failing grades. It's like what else do you want us to deal with. GOD, THAT FELT GOOD TO LET IT OUT!!!!
Disengage. Don't make
Disengage. Don't make yourself available to his wants and desires. Tell your DH to handle his needs. He needs to realize that you DON'T have to do for him, and if he keeps it up, he'll only have Dad to rely on. And if Dad grows a spine and puts his foot down, he might start appreciating having someone else who cared enough to care.
Thank you for your advice!!
Thank you for your advice!! My Husband does put his foot down and we're both tougher because he's becoming a teenager. No matter how tough we BOTH are he still does the same thing. I just dont think anything he says is genuine, he lies ALL the time and the unappreciative factor is just becoming unbearable. but I do agree with you, I need to step back!!!
One thing i will say is that
One thing i will say is that his father is on my side and defends me all the time. He has gotten tougher with him, but i just think the rotten side of his mom is rearing it's ugly head. Now that I think back, he's always had an entitled attitude and I thing my husband and I turned a blind eye. It's just difficult to deal with this kid at times. I am finishing up school in a couple of weeks and it's like he's pulling out all the stops now.
If he is so unappreciative
If he is so unappreciative then stop doing anything for him. At some point kids have to earn participation from parents with behavior and performance, above a base and decidedly unpleasant state of existence. Implementing a life of abject misery tends to modify the behaviors of unappreciative ill behaved spawn.
Yes I agree, I don't do his
Yes I agree, I don't do his laundry anymore. I have taught him to do it. I don't spoil him with materials. And I am constantly telling him that everything else hes getting and getting to do is a luxury that will be taken away!
The thing is - kids don't
The thing is - kids don't appreciate their parents at 12. You are right that you aren't obligated to do anything for him, but since you've been doing it since he was age 1, he just sees you as another parent - and again, kids don't appreciate what their parents do until they are much, much older than 12 - adults.
But if you are fed up with what you have been doing for him - you always have the option to stop doing it.
Sounds like SS needs a wake
Sounds like SS needs a wake up call. I would do nothing for him and would tell him eactly why. It is not my job, and i not appreciated. Teaching him gratitude is Dad's job and sadly if this skid has this kind of atitiude, Dad is failing. Better he learn now at 12 he is not the special snowflake he thinks he is then at 25 when he gets fired for the 3rd time.