Walk away if it's so miserable. It's not going to get any better and there are plenty of single dads out there. 41 isn't too old to have kids. My sister had her last one at 43.

An old friend of mine had her first child at 43 then another 2 years later - it's not too late unless you're going through the menopause.

I think that the advantage that bio mothers have when they become step mothers, is that they have brought up their own kids and can speak with authority on what is and isn't reasonable. But I think even if you haven't had kids of your own, you can do this.
Invoke stern consequences if he kicks your plants over or stands on them - I wouldn't put up with this in my own house, from ANYONE.

Try pointing out to his father that the little brat has no friends because he is such a brat - and if you and his father parented him more actively this would change.
My SDs, who are now 22 and 20 - have no female friends either - they are so obnoxious and entitled, that they can't keep them.

I don't know why you think 41 is so old! I am 60 and if I split up with my DH, or he died, then I would be out looking for someone after a while, and would expect to find someone too. But it would probably be a man with children again, because most people have them. Good luck and take courage - be assertive!

Personally I am considering adoption. Admittedly with my husband, but you can adopt as a single person these days....if you wanted to.

As for the boy. If talking to his dad and making suggestions does not spur your partner to act and try to change his son’s habits but he just dismissed your concerns then these things are not going to change. You can do all you like and try to change the way the child interacts with you but he will still be shouting all over the house for a breakfast no one can be bothered to teach him to make for himself (10 is old enough to make your own eggs).

I am a step mom with a husband who is very responsive to my ideas and a step daughter who is not a bad kid, but it is not the same as being a parent. I am just a convienient substitute for a mother figure when needed and forgotten about when out of sight. So I would encourage you to explore your options to become a parent in your own right, then you can raise the child(ren) as you want.

A few issues here:

1) If you are a serious part of this man's life, he should value your input in the home you share with him - especially when it comes to how you both deal with his son. It is ok if he is a bachelor living on his own to have a hellion son that he can raise any way he chooses. However if you are to form part of a family and not only be the "bed sleeper house keeper", he needs to take your views on the household into consideration. If he doesn't, extricate yourself from this mess because you need to slot into their idea of life. The Dad is not willing to make a new life with you. The dysfunction won't change. So voice your views and see if he is willing to make changes. If not, either be content with the boorish child and a Dad who WONT parent, or leave. I would not advise you marry this man until you see drastic changes.

2) This is what I did with my own son when he was around 8 and up before me and "Hungry!!". At night I leave out a sealed bowl of cereal with a spoon on his place setting. When he would wake up before me at what ever early morning hour - especially on the weekend to watch cartoons - he was to add milk to his cereal. There was single serving sized boxed juice he could take from the fridge, and a fruit bowl he could help himself to. He could eat that until I got up to prepare a cooked breakfast. Your stepson at 10 is not helpless. He should learn to do same. You could do the same with him. He can wait till later to have fried eggs. If you dont want him to have cereal, place a sandwich and single serving juice in the fridge which he can take and eat when he gets up. This is a boundary issue: this boy should learn to wait and not disturb sleeping parents. This can be solved with something alternate to eat. My son knows not to wake me unless it is an emergency. There is food and he can help himself to it. At 12, now he is able to get his own cereal and juice without me putting it out over night. Boundaries - this is an important word to learn and enforce in your home. Not only with step children but with your own children and people in general.

3) I belong to an association of professional women. They range in age from late 20s to early 60s (and some are older and retired.) The one thing we have in common is that all are professionally educated: lawyers, doctors, engineers, architects, vets, bankers, whatever. There are women who went to university and built careers first before having children. Some of them are having their first child in their mid to late 30s or early 40s. My one friend had her first baby in June at age 42. Absolutely normal delivery and the child is healthy.

There is a current societal perception that you should have ALL your kids by the time you are 35 otherwise all these medical related problems. Our grandma's generation had children well into their 40s, whether first or last without much incident. Then came the pill and child birth was something you did in your 20s and early 30s. A third of women today have no children - at all. Many women are having children later in life. So 41 may be on the late end of the spectrum but it is not "never territory" unless you are menopausal. Again it depends on your own surroundings. If you live in a society where it is normal to have teenaged pregnancies, early child birth, 41 may seem old. For me, it isn't that odd with my peer group that their are children born to women spanning 35 to 44. Here again, if this man your are partnered with parents his own child so badly, I wont have a child with him. Look at what he does with the child he already has. No thanks. Find someone else who is worthy of your "matured eggs" - not have a ticking bio clock that takes the left overs and regrets it - KNOWING in advance that this person is not Dad material. If you want to have children, it may be a reason to move on from this man and find someone else. (Yes, I know men who are mid 30s to early 40s and are getting married for the first time too. No baggage.)

Omg...BRATZ LOL
However:Remember his son was there for 9 years before you showed and you cannot expect him to just instantly make room for your habits and needs.
tackle one problem at a time
AND yes Brat IS A CHILD(threfore childish behavior)
1. Sit doen somewhere u can be alone and make a list of the behaviors that bother you with son
2. Make a second list of things you would like to continue to do as if you were single(ex. I want to sleep in late on Sundays, I want to read the paper on wednesday night and so on
3. Rate the itens on the lists in order of importance
Now comes the fun part:
A.Start with #1 on your list of things to continue(list 2)
EEXAMPLE:
#1. Want to get 8 hours of sleep most days
(Item number one on the list sgould always be related to something imperative for you)
B. List all the things YOU can change so you can get item #1
EX. I can go to bed earlier so that when I get woken up at 5 I would have 8 hours of sleep
I can get earplugs(who does not like waking up late with cooked breakfast ready-ask your man to save you some