How to cope/ remain sane and calm as a SP?
First time here, so glad I have found this forum. I moved in with SO and the 2 SKs a little over a year ago and have been trying to get used to living with them. I hung out over at their place together for well over a year before we moved in and did not pick up on these behaviors. They are generally OK kids, but they have some personality traits that REALLY push me over the edge.
- Come home, dump backpacks on floor, "WHAT'S FOR DINNER?" Every. Single. Day. I have ceased being able to answer this demand cheerfully. I usually say, "food."
- 13 YO still sucks his thumb. The constant sucking sound makes me want to stab pencils in my ears. And he talks like a baby. I think there is something seriously wrong with him, his parents don't seem to think so.
- 15 YO can be a real asshole and basically everything he says is said in this condescending, "why the hell do you do it that way" voice. I don't even think he knows he's doing it but it makes me feel like he is judging everything I do from the music I put on to how I cut the onions.
- They lie. SO says they say these things because they are trying to get out of chores. 13 YO has a stomachache or broken ankle EVERY single night, right after dinner. (and when he gets called on it, he flips out and yells at everyone). I'm sorry, if you say something you know is untrue to someone else it is called a lie. How do you not get angry when they lie to your face?
- The entire-life-lived-through-video-games thing is painful to see but something I am getting used to because it means they are quiet and out of the room.
I'm not a loving Disney SP but I feed them, talk with them on the few occasions they feel like talking, and treat them civilly. I never raise my voice or scold. Yet this is apparently not good enough, I am expected to enjoy this with a smile.
How do you all survive it without punching holes in the wall?? If it helps, my comments on screen addiction, the thumb sucking, and lying were basically acknowledged and ignored. Clearly not my place to engage.
P.S. Please, if you will, I am interested in hearing about coping strategies, not calls to move out.
P.P.S. Yes, I see a therapist.
Happy to be part of this group. Thank you in advance for your comments!
I had similar issues with my
I had similar issues with my skids. My big one was school pick-up.
Their mom would often call or text DH last minute to ask if he'd pick them up from school. He'd always say 'Yes' even if he was out of town or in a meeting and then expect me to do it since I work from home and the school is close. At first, I really didn't mind...but it became a thing, especially with YSD, where if I wasn't there within 10 seconds of the bell ringing, I was getting texts from YSD, DH, and BM. The texts from YSD drove me the most crazy: "Um. Are you on your way?"
"Um. You can wait with your precious princess hiney on the bench until I'm able to get there, brat."
She always sent the first text, and then within 30 seconds or so I got the texts from DH and BM...which meant she was 'tattling' on me for not being there, I guess? The texts from DH and BM always had this edge to them...slightly panicked, slightly accusatory.
I don't know. As one of six, I was taught from a young age that my parents' time was more valuable than mine, and I didn't expect to be waited on hand and foot. If they weren't there the second the bell rang, I chatted with friends or read until they got there.
The whole attitude drove me crazy, so I just one day said I was done with pick-ups entirely. No more.
Did similar things with dinner (they were awful and demanding about food), going grocery shopping for skid weekends, making their beds, cleaning up after them...etc. I just took 3 giant steps back and let DH deal with all of it. His kids, his problem.
Oh yeah. And my YSD was
Oh yeah. And my YSD was incredibly babyish and sucked her thumb up through 12 or 13 as well. Really grossed me out. And now she's a cute 17stb18 year old but her front teeth are pushed forward from the thumb-sucking and DH doesn't have the money for braces...
The talking like a baby thing
The talking like a baby thing - is it the way words are said or using baby phrases? If it's the way words are being pronounced it could be it's happening because of the thumb sucking - pushing teeth ourward or even leaving a gap between bottom and top teeth. Coping? Good luck - no advice from me because I'm still trying to learn - mostly I disengage when SS is over .
It's both. Most frequently it
It's both. Most frequently it's "DA-DDY??" in the baby voice but he greets everyone in a baby voice and often breaks down into baby voice when trying to form thoughts into words, trails off in his sentences in the voice, etc. he is getting braces and I have some hope this will solve it but I'm not holding my breath.
My 30yo SIL (DW's sister)
My 30yo SIL (DW's sister) still does this crap. Not the thumb sucking but the baby voice crap.It drives me crazy. She has a 10yo and a 6yo. I can't stand her kids either. They are brats.