Kind lady, you can do better than this....he is living for his kids, they come first, (everything about them from where they live to who he supports financially), and this is NOT a partner. Your interests matter, including having children, if you like. And, you are right the clock is ticking, no guarantee he will ever WANT a child with you...you cannot waste time hoping he might, with your clock ticking.

Do no let him put your life on hold....

If you lived together, this situation would not improve in time; this man is enmeshed with kids, not you...THEY are why he makes future decisions.

That, would not make any woman happy.....

This does not sound like the man or the life for you. Find someone with whom you can build a life together, not someone who's life you have to try to fit into.

Sadly, when a man tells you he doesn't want more kids because he can't support them, then you have to listen to that. At least he is being honest with you.

Disagreeing with this, and insisting on all the thiings you want is unrealistic. This is not what he offers. He is a package along with his kids and they are a responsibility he cannot just drop to start another family with you.

As others have said, decide what you want and then find someone who offers that. Just because your current BF ticks some boxes for you, no amount of magical wishing is going to change the fact he cannot,give you what you want.

This man does sound like a good guy.

He is working, has his own apartment and is helping to support his children.
He is being open and honest with you.
He is making a responsible by choice by not having more kids than he can afford to support.

I find it interesting that the OP would have an issue with the man's 16 year old living in his home, but she's a 30 year old who still lives with her parents. :?

You are not being overly negative.

I married my DH at 30 and have no bio children...despite him claiming that he really wanted more before we were married. It was never the right time, never enough money...something always came up for one of the 3 kids he already has.

It sucks majorly watching your partner enjoy his kids and pay for his kids (or, in some cases, you pitching in to pay for things for them) while never being able to "afford" kids of your own. Don't do it. You WILL start to resent his children, whether you want to or not...and then he will resent you for resenting his kids. None of it is worth it.

Another thing to consider is that at any moment both kids could live with you full time. What if something happened to BM? Are you prepared to have two full time kids?

He is thinking to have his oldest son live with him when he leaves school at 16.

Son will be leaving school. Is he finished with school at that point or is he planning to drop out? Is there a plan for getting this kid to adulthood? Or is the dad so thrilled at the thought of the son leaving the mom and moving in with him that the kid will sit on the couch all day online gaming?

He has two children. Is he expecting the other to move in at 16 also?

You are wise to think of all these practical things before getting in too deep with this man. All these things really are important. And they become more important the longer you live them.

This is not the right man for you. At 30 you should have no trouble finding a childless partner who will be glad to start from scratch with you.

Having said all that, do rethink your commitment to living at your mom's house until you get engaged. You will go through so much personal growth if you get truly independent. Yes, London is expensive but after ten years of adulthood without ever paying rent you should have enough saved up by now to put down a substantial deposit on a decent place.

Let me tell you my story as a warning. I got together with DH at the age of 29 – skids were both in nappies at this point. I was up-front with DH in the beginning that if he wasn’t willing to have more kids then we weren’t going anyway – he told me at the time he would love to have kids with me.

Fast forward a few years after and just after we got married he tells me he’s changed his mind and doesn’t want any more kids. We spent the next two years fighting about this until I made it clear that this was a deal breaker for me so he had to make a choice – either we tried for a baby or I walked. DH didn’t want to lose me so he agreed try for a child.

That was 6 years ago now and due to infertility issues I remain childless. As I turn 40 this year it’s highly likely I will remain childless and I don’t know if our relationship will be able to withstand that outcome.

I’m a bundle of rage about the fact that he changed his mind and delayed trying for a baby for years – and those years could have made the difference in my case between having a child or not given my issues is egg quality which obviously declines with age. I’m angry about wasting some of the best years of my life raising someone else’s kids and I’m angry about the fact that if I am unable to have my own child I still can’t have the life (ie freedom etc) of someone who doesn’t have kids thanks to the skids.

Notwithstanding the kid’s issue, you sound very unsure as a whole. So my advice to you – don’t sacrifice your life for someone else’s kids as you will regret it! Being a step-parent is the hardest and most horrible job in the world and brings with it a whole bucket full of resentment. If you add in personal sacrifices like not having your own kids into the equation you will end up with enormous regret and bitterness.

Dear ColdFeet,

Listen to your feet. They're trying to tell you something important - something that needs to be honoured.

Take it from someone who ignored the niggles and is now paying dearly - LISTEN. Listen and watch for as long as you need to for those feet to feel all warm and ready to roll!