It felt normal to me and it still does. SD was 5 when my husband and I got together and although I treated her well, I never really cared to bond with her nor do I feel the need to love her. I care about her and don't want anything bad to happen to her but that's about it.

SD is 22 now and has 2 kids of her own; I feel the same way about them. They just do not interest me and I am not going to beat myself up about it. It is what it is.

You are a safe and consistent adult person in their lifes- excactly.Many kids don't have that.On top your skids have parents that love them and have bonded with them.Don't let the pressure rise to need to love them, just be civilized and nice and you do fine imo.If you can become their friend that would be another bonus, but not anything you must do either.

I agree with all the other responders This is normal I believe. I have wondered that myself because I don't love my skids. Most times I don't even like them! haha! But like you said -- being a safe and consistent adult in their life, I think that's all you can ask of yourself and be content with that. I think if you and your DH have a good relationship and things are good as they are -- I would be happy.

I don't love my ss16 but I have been a consistent in his life for 4 1/2 years, that's a heck of a lot more then his own mom gave him, she was an alcoholic. I have zero affection for this kid. I have gone through stages of guilt and anger and wonder at why I don't feel for this kid. I am realizing mostly after being on this forum for so long, that it is normal and ok, as long as he is safe and with his dad and has food and a roof over his head and his dad is the one who can love him and buy him extras, I am just here. I don't feel this way all the time, there are days when I just want the kid to grow up and move out already, but overall it's just how our family functions.

I have not read all the replies, but I think it is more important to tolerate them than it is to love them. If you tolerate them the rest will fall into place. I used to be able to just get by on tolerating skids. These days I dont anymore. I dont know what went wrong, but it is really hard once you stop tolerating them.

I don't love my SD at all. I really don't even like her. I only deal with her because I have to in order to be with my DH. But I don't treat her badly and I try not to let her see my dislike for her because that would just be mean. Sure, I knew DH had a kid when I married him but he also knew that I can't stand kids lol so that goes both ways! I think your feelings are perfectly normal- you didn't plan the kids, you didn't want them, you didn't carry them in your stomach, you didn't give birth to them- why on Earth would you be expected to love them?

I don't love SS10 by any stretch. Back in the day, I used to CRINGE at the thought of him.. now I like him okay. We all get along. Even when I couldn't stand him, I just made sure that I was nice to him and made sure he was comfortable in our home. I honestly never really thought I was supposed to love him, so I never really had this problem though!

My So has a son. I knew that from the beginning. I don't love him. I treat him nicely and kindly for the sake of my SO. He knew from the beginning that I have a negative attitute towards kids. As long as I tollerate his child and be nice. We make things work. He knows I wont watch his child and wil do as I please and dont expect me to do more.

My spouse early on sensed that I was not bonding with his kid ( now 10 yr old SD) to his liking. What this meant was loving and adoring her to the degree he did. He told me " I want you to love my daughter exactly like you love me". I told him flat out " impossible" and that I don't love anyone like I love him. That was three years ago. We got married this year and that forced pressure subsided when I told him that I want things to develop naturally. I would say that I have affection for her, at times, because she is smart and funny but mostly she gets on my nerves. She is a pest, has bad manners, bad hygiene and acts like a 4 year old as is a complete social retard. She always is injuring herself with these fantom ortho complaints which always lead to a clinic visit and casting.Honestly they never see anything on the xrays but she moans and groans and hobbles about so the doctors get scared an err on the side of caution. I do love the little girl but not like I love my own daughter. The more my spouse let's this kid call the shots the more I dislike her and love her less. Now I am am the point of disengagement. Tolerance has not come yet and I fight the urge to say things every day. I never thought it would be this hard.

I'm so glad I read these posts, I have no feelings towards my skids at all, I even tell strangers I'm the babysitter if anybody asks. It's reassuring that other people feel this way.

I don't love my SS. In fact, I can't stand him because of his arrogance, manipulative ways and how he doesn't care about anyone but himself. If he was a good kid...

Don't feel bad. I don't love my SS either. He's nothing more than a pedophile to me...not even a human being.

I only love one. the other one is an annoying brat who doesn't appreciate me. I can't stand her. And she can't stand me. The feeling is mutual.

I feel better after getting the above comment about not loving children I have one that's fine he's aight knife only known him since he was 6 years old and I still don't love him I sometimes feel bad but then someone that I read I realize it's normal and I read books about it in the book also say that don't feel pressure to say I love you expect to hear from them if you do great if you don't that's okay so now I feel better but sometimes I think maybe if I met him when he was alone say one or two and then got to know him more 678 has been interesting he's been rude blunt he has a very Childish immaturity more or less than what I was 6 years older 7 or 8 years old have a very very very high expectations about what you need to do for him and only him everything is the same him and it's hard to love a child who only thinks about because I recently met a lot of other 8 year old do not act like that who want to help you who want to learn about things you will let you teach them who is sweet and have war malevolence he is definitely not I notice if I just let him be and I do my own thing we get along and I will chat with him tonight he says a lot of rude condescending things have to only believe it comes from his mom she has a very very hi she leave what she deserves everything she has high expectations for everyone and she put it on her son she reject that on to her now it's in our house for and I'm trying to break him every time he says something that he needs or wants or want to do it doesn't ask what we want to do I have to make sure he knows that it's not always about him within reason I don't want to say that every time but mom put the high expectations on him teaching him so deserving of everything and doesn't have to earn it because she's the exact same way so its hard to love a child like that but I have to remember teaching him hopefully I will change his way of thinking if not see myself loving him I will respect him and get along be a positive male role model in his life and be in love with his father I don't ever see myself falling in love with him anytime soon I hope I'm wrong don't see it happening

I AM NOT ALONE! What a relief to find a website with people like me! YAY! I don't love my SD and I probably never will. She has no manners, she's manipulative, and she HAS a mother. I don't need to be one to her. I married my husband, not her.

OMG I totally thought I was alone in how I feel until I found this site. I'm blown away by the validation of my feelings and my situation. THANK YOU, everyone, for being here. I can breathe, now, I think. And post later, when the 20-year-old SS has stopped pretending to "cook us dinner" and the DH (dear husband? Hope that's it!) pretends to let him, while doing the actual cooking. And I hide in my sanctuary room, trying to relax with a glass of wine, TV, and computer games. Thank goodness for this site! I can't wait to interact!!

The ruse continues...it's laughable. SS comes up here to tell me dinner is ready. I come down, and DH is cooking. And the table isn't even set. Just got a verbal shout that dinner is on the table, from DH.

I totally feel like no one would understand this feeling, but you do exist!
Both of my SO's son6 and daughter7 have the WORST manners and hygiene and I hate the person I become when I am around them.
I work alternating weekends and requested to switch so that I can have the sanctuary of work while they're at our home EOW.
And lets not even bring up the BM crap. You start to wonder at what level your SO was so ignorant to not use several methods of protection.
If I ask ANYTHING, its to please keep in contact. I'm afraid I might lose it some days.

I just found this forum. As a new stepparent, it is very nice to know that what I am feeling isn't unusual. Thanks to everyone for sharing!