I posted in the wrong zone, because I was pissed.....giving up on SO and his kids......money, waste of space ex, and careers....
I'm a career woman, I always have been. Divorced, left in debt, but pulled myself out and started a life for myself. Felt great to be liberated. Now, I'm moving up the corporate ladder, and met a man who I THINK I love very much. Sexy, good man....college graduate, has his own business....holds his own. My dilemma? Every dime he makes, goes HALF to his kids..and ex wife, who WILL NOT WORK. She put herself back in school. It doesn't matter that her son is ready for college and she never saved a dime. She is all for herself.
I can't stand my soon to be step kids...and I don't know if should get out. I am a City girl. Always have been. I live and breathe for the City. I moved into my fiancees house (rental) in the burbs. I was married to a very powerful business man and it didn't work out which is fine. I liked the lifestyle but it was toxic, and I realized that as an educated woman, I could just go out and do it myself. Give MYSELF the life I want.
Anyway, I met this man, moved to the burbs for he and his stupid kids....and I hate it. I love it when the kids are gone. He has them one week on and one week off. Every morning I wake up and the TV is blaring Sponge Bob, and Family Guy. They plant themselves in front of the TV ALL NIGHT LONG. They control what we eat, as my fiancee doesn't want to make waves with his ex.
I travel for work, and sometimes I tag on extra trips. If I'm in Europe, I might as well stay a few days more and see the world. The problem is, half of the time my fiancee can't because he is broke from his stupid kids, or he has them and refuses to leave them overnight alone. They are going on 15 and 18. Frankly, I'm sick of them. They are spoiled and babies. They still ask for "a snack". At that age, I was doing the grocery shopping, had chores, and it wasn't an option for me to get some money to wash my Dad's car. I was just told to get up on Saturday and get my chores done. My fiance thinks his kids are "tired" from school, so they can stay in their jammies all weekend.
I hate going home at night. I refuse to give up my place in the City and find myself picking fights to go home to my own place, where it's quiet, and it doesn't smell like feet. On news years I went from 4 inch heels out on the town, to sitting in sweats, with 3 men, with upset stomachs who spent the entire evening farting their guts out.
I sound so toxic, and I'm so sorry....but I have NO ONE to talk to. People think I'm selfish....and maybe I am, but dammit I work 12 hour days...have an hour and a half commute, and my homelife is shit. I love my fiancee, but I hate his life and I don't know what to do.
Here is a good example. My soon to be stepson has a cold/flu. He was feeling lightheaded, so he almost passed out. You would have thought the world ended. The drama, the calls to the ex wife, from the garage, having the ex piece of crap show up at the house dropping off movies and video games in the morning....am I THAT old where, when people are almost 18, they stay home from school and rest, and read a book and nap? Or is now the generation where people have to plan out their sick day? I had two emergency surgeries last year and my fiance gave me a ride home and went home to cater to his kids while leaving me at my house after the hospital.
I was terrified when she came over, because this hack of an unemployed sponge keyed my fiances' car and it's taken her two years to actually come up to talk to me, after I tried SEVERAL time to speak with her and introduce myself.
I'm already 42....and see nothing but sorrow.....
I'm so sorry for being so toxic....I really am.....I'm just so frustrated and pissed off and FULL of resent.
Yikes, I was 44 when I met my
Yikes, I was 44 when I met my husband, two kids, he had custody of both, 11 yr old boy and 14 yr old girl. If I knew then what I know now I would have ran really fast. But if you stay, keep your finances separate, keep in mind those kids have two living parents who can take care of them financially. Know upfront that every nice thing you do or say will be used against you. Ask your bf what his plans are for the kids when they turn 18 - for instance, what is the 18 year old doing? thankfully for me, SS moved back with his "mommy" because we had rules and chores and DH finally got on board with SD who is now 19 - no college, then the free ride is over. Either pay rent or get out, she got out. Life is finally getting good. I'm not sure I would stay in your situation, you sound like an independent woman who has a different life than your bf.
id keep living in your
id keep living in your apartment in the city and date this guy if you love him. but i wouldnt marry him. you can see him on the weeks he doesnt have his kids.
^^^This, absolutely! Move
^^^This, absolutely!
Move out, back to your own place. Live your own life and see him when the 15 year old kid and the "adult" 18 year old are not there.
You can still love him, you can still spend time with him, who says you have to live with him? This could truly be the "have your cake and eat it too" situation for you. You are self-supporting and you don't NEED to live with him and put up with his kids, so don't!
Many happy couples live this way for years. If it doesn't work out in the long run, or if you meet someone you are more compatible with, no legal and financial strings to undo.
Oh get out now!!!!! RUN RUN
Oh get out now!!!!! RUN RUN RUN!!! Don't marry this guy! Getting married will not change a DAMN thing, and where you are right now has a crumbling foundation at best.
Update....I left this
Update....I left this weekend. It's really heartbreaking....and it's scary thinking of being alone at 42....but, I love him enough to know he should probably be with a woman with kids, and I should be with someone who has older kids or kids who don't live at home.
Hi....wow what an ordeal. I
Hi....wow what an ordeal.
I wanted to tell you that my car was keyed last weekend by my fiances SISTER INLAW because she wants to make little incest babies with him. I swear I live in a place where people have no teeth and its okay to marry your brother, but no ....well I mean I guess San Fransisco is kinda out there....
The Sister inlaw has keyed his nissian Z (cute little 2 door car) and my mustang. She's mad that I caught her having more than sister inlaw feelings for my fiance when she has 2 kids with his brother, but the brother left her a few years ago and moved in another crotch dropper. Anyways.........TOTALLY feeling you with the car keying.
Oh and yea we're in a gated community so the gate cam caught her coming in behind another car. Police report is in action.
So.......
I've been with my fiance for over 2 years, and have only ever said hello to his Xwife ....I have nothing to do with her and her nasty ways. Her son has made up some stories about me to her, some not so bad .....saying I play professionally in two orchestras on french horn ...hey not bad??? (I play in groups but I'm not paid!) lol
I totally hate that we get called selfish when we have these issues!!!! It's so unfair. We see a different side to the situation because we aren't blinded by the fact that we "made" them. We see the entire picture and it makes us want to throw up numerous times. I get told I am selfish all the time by my family, but they don't see the OVERALL picture. They don't see how the xwife tries to walk all over my fiance like she owns him. They don't see how spoiled my futureSS12 is. He just started farting in front of me........it's foul. I want to slap him at times. I don't have anyone to talk to either about this since I am just called selfish since no one in my life is in a situation of marrying a man with a child. So this forum is my new lifeline. I would give you a hug if I could, I completely understand. I hope you find happiness, but we are here to help you through this. We just all need to be happy!!! Hope you are holding up okay! xx
Urbanchick, best of luck to
Urbanchick, best of luck to you and good for you on knowing what you want and what is best for you!! I like so many others get stuck in the trap of loving the guy but after reading this thread you helped me see love from another perspective, maybe we are not what is best for each other even tho we love each other. Thank you. I am sure you will find happiness and create a life that is fulfilling and exciting!! I'm kind of jealous, I wish my career would take me to Europe and leave me there for a few days, or weeks!!