I want a BIO child but feel the Xwife is still there
So me and my husband have 3 SS together and I want a BIO child. We can't have one naturally b/c he had a vasectomy done then a reversal when we got together but it was unsuccessful. I feel like his xwife is still connected to him even though she is in another state and hasn't seen the kids in 2 years why???
1. He was awarded the house in the divorce which was put in foreclosure status. He tried to do a short sale but the xwife wouldn't sign paper work. It is still in foreclosure status as of now bc he won't sign the paper work.
2. The BM used to talk to them every week on skype but when we told her that she needs to pay child support she stopped. Now it's just an email here and there. She wants to talk to them over the phone and see them but doesn't want to pay child support and he doesn't want to take her to court. Should I care? I used to pay for all their shit but now I just pay half the bills. At one point she was going to let me adopt them but I said HELL NO! She wants to be a shitty mom then she can be one. Plus, she changed her mind anyway.
3. He is supposed to pay her a part of his military retirement b/c they were married 14 years. She hasn't filed for it and he hasn't given her anything. We saw a lawyer that said that she could take him to court at any time to get that back pay. I'm not sure if this is true???
These are big humps to me that make me feel like he still has a connection with her even though she is not around. She will always have a part of his life but I just feel like I can't go on with mine until these things are resolved. Yeah her getting his retirement is going to be more than child support but he was married to her for 14yrs. I know I should care about the house issue b/c I don't want to be in a rental all my life but I'm not sure about the other 2.
Point 2: Filing for child
Point 2: Filing for child support doesn't have to be done through the court, as far as I know. Contact your state's child support agency to find out how to do this. You may be able to get it set up so the support is pulled directly from her paycheck. If that's an option, do it. Having to contact her to bother her for money is putting too much power in her hands.
Point 3: Yes, this can happen. It just happened to my mother. My father was awarded part of her retirement, but his lawyer was incompetent and never filed the paperwork. In the meantime, my mom retired and started receiving her full retirement money, but there was nothing she could do to change the amount she was receiving because the paperwork needed to be filed by my father/his lawyer. She was advised to put away the amount he should have been receiving, because she may have to pay that back in a lump payment. This just happened and she had to pay him $8500, which, luckily, she had already set aside. Otherwise this would have been a big hit.
Your husband should talk to his lawyer about what to do regarding points 1 & 3.
IMHO a parent who does not
IMHO a parent who does not ensure that their child has equity access to the combined income of both bio parents is an idiot.
My SS is the eldest of four out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned children by 3 different baby mamas. We made damned sure that SPerm Daddy paid CS for the entire duration of SS's childhood. As the spawn kept coming we kept going for more and more CS. DickHead's stupid decisions should not impact his support of our kid so we nailed his ass to the wall. My Skid has a right to equity access of Sperm Clan resources to that of the 3 younger spawn.
One thing I never wanted to have to tell my Skid is that his Sperm Idiot did not care enough about him to at least pay the CO'd CS. The fact is that the Sperm Idiot does not give a shit. He never paid a penny. Sperm GrandHag and Sperm Grandpa paid his CS obligation for my SKid and paid his half of visitation travel costs. But, the kid knew that CS was being paid. He also figured out that it was the Sperm GPs paying everything for the DipShitIot as he got older and started doing his own research trips through the Custody/Visitation/Support file cabinet drawers.
The Sperm Clan would rant and rave that the younger spawn were starving, did not have the nice things that SS had, did not have the opportunities that he had, etc.... No shit morons. His mom is a graduate degreed professional, I am a graduate degreed professional and we put our marriage and providing for our family above anything else. Unlike your entire shallow and polluted gene pool that is interested in nothing more than copping a nut on the next step of their eternal pursuit of instant gratification.
DH needs to nail BM for CS and have it raised as frequently as the regs in your state will allow. IF she is getting part of his retirement he should get it back in CS.
That is what I would do.
Good luck.
Big hugs to you. That is a
Big hugs to you. That is a lot to deal with!
My SO had a vasectomy as well several years ago and I want a bio child. This is my fear that it will not be successful. he seems way too overly optimistic about having a successful outcome. I really wish he had never got one.