My family not recognizing me as a grandma
Not sure if anyone else out there has this problem but here goes... I am a childless step-mom to two adult children (34 & 32 now), we've been married for almost 9 years, together for almost 14. My DH 1st wife passed away just over 14 yrs ago after a long battle with cancer. It took time but I have a great relationship with the SD and am the grandma to her 3 beautiful lovelies (8,6 & 4). SS relationship is good and still single. Anyway...the issue that has recently happened is with my sister(50yrs older than me). She is the only one of us 4 siblings with kids and her oldest son & his wife just had her first grandchild. I am SO happy for them and have only expressed excitement and happiness! During a convo. with my sis prior to the birth I made a comment on how fun it is to buy things for the g-child - that she used to give me crap for doing it and now she understands. She tells me it's different...because it's blood. I felt like she kicked me in the stomach! She knows how much these kids mean to me and how I love them as my own. To hear this from my own sister-we were very close. Not anymore, I can't erase the hurt. And she has since made comments specifying 'blood-grandkids' and how our mom would have made an awesome great grandma (she passed on 08). Actually our mom was a ggma...to several steps that she treated as her own... so I'm extra-confused and hurt. Have any of you dealt with this and how? I still love her, she's my sister, but it'll never be the same. We lost our mom(3/08), dad(5/08) and brother(6/09) and it's only her, me and our brother left. Family is very important to me. Please help/share/give advice....Thanks!
Family is about more than
Family is about more than "blood". Apparently your sister is not smart enough to recognize this.
How is your sister 50 years
How is your sister 50 years older than you and having grandkids?
In your mean sister's eyes,
In your mean sister's eyes, SHE had the first grandchild and she refuses to give that to you and your SKIDS. I would guaranty if you had a problem with skids she would have been the one telling you to love them like your own.
Did your sister act any different toward your SGBs before she finally became a grandmother?
I have had my sister tell me similar. She would tell me, "but their not your kids", as if the pain somehow was any less when they hurt me versus her blood child, her son, hurting her. She would say this to me as I was trying to comfort her and tell her I know how bad it hurts and I am so sorry your son is doing this to you. That was her response every single time. So I stopped comforting her and told her, "sorry I have no idea what that must feel like" and moved on. Your sister has had the "first blood gb in the family" and she is being a big ass baby about it. If you had good skids and they treat you with love and respect ignore your sister and her petty "I was a grandma first bull shit". Some times family hurts you more than words can express.
I am still stuck on the math.
I am still stuck on the math. Your sister is 50yrs older than you and you have been with your DH for 14 years. That makes her at least 64 if you married at birth.
Clarify the math for me please. My head is about to explode in confusion.
Okay, now on to the issue. Your sister is clueless which you already know. Being a parent, grandparent or family is not about blood. It is about action, decisions, and relationships. My Skid is my parent's eldest grand child but not their first grand child. My bride and I married 5mos after my niece was born. We met 3mos before she was born. My son is 19mos older than my niece. Heaven forbid if anyone made the mistake of telling my parents that my Skid is not their grandchild and he is not the same as their other 3 grand spawn because it is different with blood involved.
The funny thing is that my son (SS-22) asked for me to adopt him about a month ago. He called, told his mom and I that he is a Rags, always has been a Rags, and wanted to change his name. During the discussion he made it clear that he not only wanted to change his name he wanted paperwork proving he is a Rags so he wanted a full meal deal adoption rather than just to change his name. So we made that happen. Now for the funny part .... my mom was militant and argued with my wife and I about how old the Skid was when we started dating. He was 15mos old when we met. My mom informed us that "No, he was not even a year old. Don't you tell me when my grandson entered my life. I tell you when my grandson entered this family." The judge looked at us and said "Don't argue with grandma. She is right. I am not going to go against her orders and neither should you. Adoption granted." and he signed the order. :O
Works for me let me tell ya. Don't piss Deema off even when she is your own mother. Grandparents and their grandspawn trump parents every time. At least when it comes to my parents.
It is sad to me that your sister is such an ass. So, do as my mom did and inform your sister that she does not know her ass from a hole in the ground on this and she does not get an opinion. Your GrandSkids are no less so just because you did not whelp your own Skids.
Congrats on your new grandniece/nephew.