Newbie to the forum
I am new to this website, just stuck in a hard place at the moment. so just needed a place to vent with people in similar situations.
My fiancé has 2 boys from a previous marriage. One is 10 and one is 7. We have been together for nearly 2 years and get married in June.
For the past maybe 5 months the eldest has become a complete pain, he is a needy child anyway but I am finding him more so. We have also just worked out his is telling his BM and dad stories. Making it out to be worse than it is when he stays with us every weekend. And making out she never makes time for them to us. So he has been caught lying a few times. Whilst the younger one has been caught being nasty and lieing also recently. They ignore me all the time, which isn't just me. I am friends with their auntie from BM side.
They live with the BM in the week but they stay at their nans (my partners) house Tuesday, and stay late on Weds at her parents. And are with us from Friday to Monday morning, so I understand they don't see her too much. She doesn't help with the co parenting side of things, she says she will do certain things like stop the youngest with his dummy when he turned 7 (which is far too old anyway) and she lets him carry on. I just feel like I am stuck in a horrible place I love my partner to heaven and back however the kids are driving a wedge between us. I know I shouldn't be hurt as I am the adult however ithurts they lie about how we treat them at our house.
I am very lucky the DH is
I am very lucky the DH is very much onboard and on myside and backs me up if I ask the boys to do something and they ignore me, after I've asked twice and still nothing he will then go boys did you not hear?
I have done the whole, you ignored me, so I ignored you. But I didn't like that. I have a step mum and dad and have an amazing relationship with my step dad and quite a good one with my step mum. However it is so good because my step dad treated me like his own and not any different so I Love him like a father, which is kind of the relationship I am trying to go for with the boys. As when they are in our house, its our little family and when I have children that is going to add to the family.
I just suffer a bit with when they are here, I feel I can't relax in my house, all I hear is "dad" every 10 mins. Which is worse some weekends to others, so I just cant relax.
We do so much with them, take them on holidays, do fun things at weekends, zoo trips, play parks, inside playparks, pottery. Then playfootball every other sunday and Saturday is training day. So a lot of my weekend is football (which I am not overly keen about) but it is life.
If he catches them he will
If he catches them he will pull them up on it. However half the time it's when he isn't around so I have to ask "boys did you hear me" or say hello?? Just on Sunday he spoke to them without me saying how they need to stop ignoring people. It's not just me, which makes me feel slightly better. Then ss7 comes in, I say hi and get ignored so he just ignored the convo his dad had. Ss10 always goes out of his way to say hi and bye. 90% ss10 is so polite he just hurts me with his lying. It could be worse. The DH supports me and takes my opinion on board and has changed their lives for the better since we've lived together. Bed times, food, what films they should be watching and games on the Xbox. So he takes on board my opinion, the bm however is just a pain. He tries to reduce unneeded conversations and she just ups them again. :?