What do you think your kid would be like?
So I saw a movie recently where a couple drink some wine and try to overcome the pain of being childless. They write down the attributes and future memories of their kid. It was extremely hard to watch but got me thinking it might make some of us here feel better to share our dreams with others that understand. I hope this exercise helps more than hurts.
My imaginary kid would respect people of all walks of life and treat others as equals. I would not let the television raise him/her. Education would not stop with school. Volunteering, traveling, and independent studies of whatever they are into would be my mission to help them become so much more than what I am witnessing all around me. I see us practicing guitar together, spending as much time outside as possible learning about the other species we share this planet with, and talking geopolitics as they get older.
I feel like I'm rambling but to some it up I see my kid as an explorer of all things Earth. Enjoying the arts, foods, and cultures that make this place beautiful in the hopes that he or she will be a good example of the change we so desperately need these days.
I think those of us in the bio child free zone are given a unique perspective on parenting. We get to be on the front lines of others parenting while still having an outsiders perspective of what is really going on in the development of others children. I do my best with the SDs but cant help but think how good of a dad I would be if I could start from scratch and have the right to parent how I want.
I hope all that made sense, I know thinking about this stuff can hurt like no other pain but hopefully by sharing you might feel better. Thank you all again for reading and hopefully sharing.
I in no way mean any
I in no way mean any disrespect-but it's really rare hat our kids turn out the way we imagine. That is one of the super hard things about parenting. Children are their own individual little people and sometimes despite our best efforts to,shape and mold they just go their own way. My first dh was a great musician- I am sure he had visions also of playing guitar with his children- he is now deceased but my kids have been given musical instruments, been encouraged to join band, have had lessons- but have absolutely zero interest.
I think as step parents it is very easy for us to look at our skids and wonder what the heck our partner was thinking when they molded THAT individual-when in reality sometimes it is beyond their control. For example, my ss15 is a budding psychopath. I don't believe that is ever what my dh dreamed of ( he was hoping for a baseball star)- to say he has experienced grief over the way his son has turned out is a massive understatement. Do I think decisions he made, how he parented affected the way this kid turned out? Well, sure- he could've done better- but neither he nor the bm did any thing obvious to mold this kid into the psychopath that he is.
I don't mean to hijack your blog and this is probably not the direction you were going- but it just got me to thinking of how often myself and others on here attribute the crappy way our skids turned out to our dh's, BMs or who ever. I believe there is always the underlying assumption that we could have done it better. Maybe not. Sometimes bad kids happen to decent people.
Well... my dream is that my
Well...
my dream is that my son, Draven, would be creative, understanding, caring and not carry the sadness and despair of my childhood. I want him to be happy, no matter what his sexual preference is, I want him to be able to talk to me as a child would to a parent and most of all, I want him to learn what love is and what love isn't.
Most of all, I want him to stand up for himself and what he think is right (to a certain extent). I want him to know that I love him...and encourage him in his creative endeavors and know that I support him.
He will learn right from wrong and I will homeschool him myself. Encourage, not discourage...
I can't have children. I wish that I could...
I would have twins- two boys.
I would have twins- two boys. One would be the outgoing one; curious about the world, and needing hands on experience to understand it. One would be the quiet one; always reading a book, always stating facts about what he learned. Both would be active, neither having interest in sitting in front of a TV or DS for hours, always rather being outside using their imagination. I'd want them to be kind to everyone, using logic to prevent a fight rather than egging one on. They would work as a team instead of against each other, they would have morals, they would have integrity, because that is the example I would set for my kids. A girl can dream... Thanks for this Jayj555!
My child (male or female)
My child (male or female) would be considerate and helpful. They would show an interest in their heritage on both sides. They would understand the rewards of hard work, and have the ambition and perseverance to get there. They would understand the importance and obligations of family. They would be reliable, honest, remorseful and compassionate. They would strive to do their best, even if their best wasn't A grades. They would give things a go and strive to be a good person. They would love things, think critically and aim high.
A girl sure can dream.
You're welcome and thanks to
You're welcome and thanks to you all for responding. In regards to the point made about kids may grow into imperfect crazy a#$hole adults no matter the parental influence...I get that. This question was just a call out to those like me who cope with imaginary children because it sure beats the reality of no children and the pain it brings.
I think everyones IK (imaginary kid
sounded very cool. I now see all of our IK's being friends in my head lol. Thanks again for sharing.