When You DOn't Agree With Bios Parenting Styles
I'm new to this forum. I am an SM without any Bio children of my own. My DH has two teenaged Daughters (16 and 19).
Over the course of the five years that my DH and I have been together, I have been concerned by the way in which my Skids were raised. Neither of them have a remotely descent BM, SD16's BM is heavy on PAS, she is more SD's BFF than her Mom, she commits emotional incest and has substance abuse issues. SD19's BM never had custody of her, she also has addiction issues and commits felons and has spent much of SD's life in jail.
DH goes 50/50 from being moderately absent to becoming a complete Disney Dad. My Skids grew up with no structure, consistency or real parenting. DH has been a wonderful Husband but I am beginning to question whether or not I would entrust him to be a Bio Dad to my Bio child as our parenting styles clash. The way he "parents" SD19 since she's lived with us the last 9 months utterly disagree with me morally and ethically.
I feel DH is being an enabler and setting SD19 up to fail rather than aiding in her becoming a responsible and functional adult. He allows SD19 to do many things I would not allow if she belonged to me, he lets things slide that I would immediately confront and diffuse, he lacks an overall interest in things she does and is involved in.
Have any of you questioned having a Bio Child with DH because of the way he parents and interacts with his other Bios?
I have aparently "made a
I have aparently "made a face" when I've seen "not my kids" getting parented.
I don't do it on purpose, but sometimes I guess I can't disguise my confusion or disagreement with what is going on...
This usually leads to their father asking me privately what is wrong. My reply is always," I know I don't have.kids but that is not the way.I would have handled that"
He is usually.curious and asks, which lets me at least get it off my chest, even when he does not agree with me.
Anytime I say anything to my
Anytime I say anything to my SO it ends up in a fight. I just don't parent the kid. Period. I won't pick up after here. Let things sit around for days. I don't care. If I can catch the kid alone I can say something but I have to be careful how I say it because she is a little tattle tale. The other day she dropped something on purpose in front of my SO who has a bad back and then bent over to pick it up. As the kid was exiting the room I pulled the back of her hair harder than normal while laughing and at the same time glaring at her. She knew exactly how I felt and she didn't tell SO. If she did, I would say I was just playing with her.
My SO does not care what I have to say so I simply don't say anything. I am going to use this sight for information and support and to vent. Before I joined I used to read the forums and it gave me a great deal of satisfaction. Helped my keep my mouth shut, so to speak. Thank God for this place and all of you!!!
I don't have kids of my own
I don't have kids of my own yet and I disagree with the way my husband parents his 14 year old daughter. He never disciplines her and she can be a spoiled brat. And she is extremely rude when she talks to us. He lets her be rude to him, but the other day she got all snippy with me and I let her have it. And my husband was standing right there. I told him I am not taking her rude behavior anymore! She thinks she can treat me that way she has another thing coming. I told him if she is directly rude, I'm saying something. If he lets her talk to him like that so be it. But I require more. I believe in kids being polite to their parents and every adult in their life. That's how I was raised.
And she gets her way a lot and just rubs me the wrong way. Ever hear of saying no to kids!? I just can't stand a spoiled rude kid!
If we do have a child together, I want the kid to have manners! Especially since I am paying the freaking bills around here. Kid wants to do the fun stuff, be nice to your parents! Duh!