WILL: Question/Advice/Opinions
Forums:
DH & I have been together 30 yrs. There are 3 adult SK's grown & gone out of the house. I have been the main breadwinner including benefits for all during this time. My father recently passed so I received his life insurance and money from the house sale. My concern is I don't want my SK's to get everything that I (and now my father) have worked for. I won't go into detail but there's been a lot of drama, expense and heartache with these kids growing up. We have no bio kids and I have no kids but I have a couple nephews and a niece. Since DH & I are both living, how should the will be handled. Any experience?
I'm of the opinion that all
I'm of the opinion that all money should go to the other spouse upon death, to ensure that they have enough for the rest of their life. But if you are talking so much money that DH won't need it all for the rest of his life, then put some aside now for nieces and nephews, maybe put your father's money separately in a trust of some kind.
My advice would be to see a
My advice would be to see a lawyer, tell him what you'd like to do, and ask for options. Once you've decided what you want to do, present it to DH. It's your inheritance, you should get to decide.
My DH and I have been together 20 + years...
We have 3 kids between us none together. We are treating the house and assets like we were a first family. In other words, all goes to the other spouse upon one of deaths. When we are both gone the house and assets get divided equally between all 3 kids just like they were all our kids together. Any family heirlooms or things of that nature will go to the each side based on whose family it was etc... This is what both DH and I want...
In your case draw up a Will and leave whatever you want to your niece and nephew. I see no issue with that. Does you DH think you should do it differently?
I think this works when both
I think this works when both spouses have earned comparable money (or if one spouse has agreed to stay home for the good of the family and that was a joint decision) and when both spouses have their own Bios.
It's a different story when one spouse has no bios and has been the main breadwinner for years or even decades...as is the OPs case and mine.
In these situations, it's almost impossible to not feel resentment over all the money and time lost to someone else's kids over the years...and to not want them to ALSO get everything you struggled so hard to build when you die...after years of taking while you were alive...
OP. I completely get where you're coming from, and it's not mean or selfish. It's natural. See my response below. A Will is a good thing to get...but there are other tools (trusts, custodial accounts, etc.) that can help you divert your assets away from your combined marital finances NOW so they don't even have to go through probate. Look into those, too.
I have no bios, and we are
I have no bios, and we are estranged from both skids. Neither will inherit anything from us (they've already received more than they deserve considering how they've treated their father and me).
We've arranged to leave most of our estate to the bios of my DH's bestie. They are good teens, considerate and treat us well. The rest will go to two animal charities we support.
Since you have been the breadwinner, I suggest you talk with an attorney about setting up a trust that will provide for your DH, then pass to the niece and nephew upon his death. Tie those assets up good and tight in case the skids come sniffing around once you're gone and trick your DH into believing they care about him.
I'm just like you but younger
I'm just like you but younger. No children. Married for 10 years, 3 skids in their 20's now, DH is 10 years older. Been the main breadwinner for all 10 years...even paid CS for the skids most of the time. Could have MUCH greater assets if I'd saved/invested what I've spent on someone else's kids over the years (no...not bitter at all...lol.)
DH and I have mirror wills that leave all joint assets to the other person 100%. House, car, etc. It's highly likely that I will outlive DH...however, it's not a guarantee. As soon as skids aged out of CS, which has been a little over two years now, I opened various kinds of brokerage/investment accounts in my name only using only my money. I now "pay myself first" before contributing to the household (aka paying for everything). I've always had an IRA...but I stepped up my contributions there as well. The beneficiary on all of these accounts is my little sister, not my DH.
Once I'm at a comfortable place with my own retirement savings (probably in the next two years), I plan to open custodial accounts for my niece and nephews and fund these accounts in the same way...to be given to them at age 30.
Say all this to say...divert your assets now and avoid wills and probate altogether as much as possible. Put the assets from your dad in a trust for your nieces and nephews. Gift them money at major milestones or annually. You should provide for your DH to live a comfortable life in his old age if he survives you...but anything more than that should be put in trust for the people you love and care about...not passed on to skids.
See a lawer
Set up a trust put that money in that trust. Have lawer set up who gets what , how much, at what time ect.
I came my marriage to DH with
I came my marriage to DH with assets -- he had debt. I received a substantial inheritance from my parents -- he did not. I've also earned more and have more retirement money set aside. So the even split that would occur in a first family absolutely does not work for me.
I feel like my first obligation is for DH to be able to continue to live comfortably should I pass before he does. But my inheritance from my parents? Nope. That goes to my bio. I've got that in a separate account, never co-mingled, with bio listed as beneficiary. I can spend that money if I want to in my lifetime, but it is and will never be accessible to DH or his kids.
At some point if I get dottery in my old age I'll probably set up a trust for those funds.