My life as a LEGAL STRANGER.

The relationship(even before his first divorce) began with those in-love feelings and many,many,many words were said to promise good intentions to her. She was conned into thinking that the two of them would help each other thru life.He deceived her by saying it would be only them and the kids would be on their own or with the BM.She ignored good advice but in a few months rushed into a marriage anyway. She defined them as a team, husband and spouse, having loyalty, honesty and of course love.Together they would also be supportive to the kids. Unknown to her there was an insurmountable challenge ahead.She realized later the marriage bond between the couple wasnt truly there even before the marriage.He was already bonded to his kids and his loyalty to them was sealed. The #1 issue for the failure would be ignorance of the special dynamics within members of a step-family situation.

First clue was WHY he was previously divorced and WHY he is divorced from her now. Because of lack of knowledge or unwillingness to learn, he betrayed her by disloyalty. Communication was cryptic. Truth was deception.Behavior did not match the words of promises made.

Enter his family. The children are somewhat blameless (not incl.adult age).The major dynamic of blood family bonds and loyalty between his children ( and his extended family) made her the outsider from the very beginning.he showed early signs of disloyalty before they married but of course neglected to acknowledge the REG flag. Whenever a spouse puts their children or other family ahead of their spouse (either biological or stepchildren) they have written the end of their marriage!!

Of course children's safety and well-being come first however a spouse ALWAYS comes first in a marriage.Marriage relationship is the first circle around the couple Then comes other kids in the next outer circle.With his lack of defending his wife( in her presence) against the kids disrespectful and mean comments,the message was sent to the children and others that she was not worthy of respect, authority or position within the new stepfamily.Just someone to be tolerated.

When he made his children the #1 priority in the marriage he also displaced his wife, leaving her betrayed, alone, unprotected and hurt. She did not know her position within his family. After his children, was his family, making her LAST and without a voice.The fallout of this dynamic is the children basically run the household and marriage..She challenged for her rightful position as spouse but there was no effort on his part to correct it. An examle of displaced loyalty was after moving and setting up HER kitchen domain, a few kids that were visiting, disregarded her and reset the entire kitchen and other things in her home.This was just one sample.There was nothing private or sacred between the couple as he gave passwords to his email that contained her private messages.She was a lively and enthusiastic person before,but as the months passed, she became a bitter withdrawn burden as he called her.She was wanted for cooking or cleaning but not spouse status.He and some kids that ended up living there were happy together but snobbery kept her from trying and trying to fit in. In the beginning she did all the wrong things that some stepmoms do to try and win over kids hearts.It was one failure after the next. He was not interested in her misery or to learn different dynamics. He stated in front of his kids.." Dont interfere with how I raise my kids"She finally acknowledged that he was a father first and he was never available to be husband. He ignored her deterioration and illness and left her alone to go visit other family when she became suicidal.She was desperate and crying in despair..He said"I cant help you" and left.I took her( without any help from him) 3yrs to become strong enough to end the misery.She was blamed for leaving.

The major reason so many marriages are failing today and so many are divorced is that they are the victims of spouses whose priorities are backwards and ignorant misunderstanding of blended family.There was no determination of roles and position in the family.She prayed daily, read books( STEPMONSTER) and kept trying but she was alone fighting for the marriage. He obviously checked out long before.Another one bites the dust.

Perhaps my story is really about a "psychologically castrated)coward that appears as a man. He used me as he used( and destroyed) is first wife who bore him 5 kids. Only 5 months after divorce, he is dating a professional woman who has not been married nor has kids. God be with her!