1st summer with stepson
I am lost and don't know what to do. I have been married for 2 years to a man who has a now 6 year old son. I have been in the son's life since he was 2 years old. The biological mother lived 30 minutes away from us in texas 2 years ago and moved back to Florida before my husband an I got married. His son lives with hsi mother and my husband usually travels to florida alone to see his son 3 times a year. He is now here for the summer and i thought it would be great but it has turned my marriage sour. My husband told me i was jealous of him and his son's relationaship, that i am childish and my feelings are petty. My husband sleeps with his son 2 nights out of the week and the other nights he will lay with his son until he goes to sleep and usually comes to bed no later than 2 am. He told me it was my job for his son to like me not his. I have tried building a relationship with his son, but his son tells me he would rather be with his dad (which is understandable). My husband pets his and baby his son alot which would not bother me if his son did not act and talk like a baby. he is a good liar and manipualtes his dad. We were all watching a movie together with my mom and sister. i was sitting on one side of my husband and the son was sitting on the other side. i got up to use teh restroom and when i cam back, my husband was sitting at the end of teh couch and the son was sitting next to him. I asked why did they move and teh son said because i like it over here and like to sit close to my dad. I was jsut moved totally out and my husband did not day anything. Maybe it just me i don't know.
One positive thing you can
One positive thing you can focus on is that you’ll only have to deal with this for the summer. Hopefully irreparable damage to your relationship with your husband won’t be done in that time. If anyone knows the secret to getting a biological parent to see negative aspects of their child’s behavior and not become emotional if you bring them up, please let me know. I don’t think you’re going to be able to get your husband to see the situation the way you do. He’s got an emotional component that makes blocks him from being able to see his child is being manipulative and annoying. Others may disagree, but to keep peace in the house I would just try to endure it since it’s only temporary. You’re only going to end up looking like the bad guy. You don’t want to be considered the evil woman who tried to come between a man and his son. You’re husband doesn’t seem the type to be able to have sympathy for what you are going through. He’s probably dealing with guilt issues from not being around his child full time which he is having to compensate for, making him behave this way. This is not going to change as the child gets older. I watched my ex husband over compensate for what he felt his child missed out on in life having parents that weren’t together and the child is now a completely useless 18 year old. His dad babied him to the point where he was completely dependant and unable to function on his own. I doubt he’ll be able to hold down a job or get an apartment of his own any time in the next 10 years. Unfortunately if you’re husband wants to let his child behave this way, he’s just going to it. Can you find ways to get out of the house more often, like going to the gym or taking yourself out to a nice restaurant. When your own home becomes a place of stress, you deserve some me time.
My husband babies his son
My husband babies his son the same way. He sees his son every other weekend and when he's around, he dedicates all his time and effort to his son. At first I thought this was good since they didn't spend enough time together but when my stepson started throwing tantrums at 8-years-old I started to worry.
My husband does everything for him and if he throws a trantrum my husband just gives in most of the times.
I've tried to step in and put limits by setting house rules, but my stepson told his mom that I didn't like him and now he doesn't want to spend time with his dad. This crushed my husband and he became even depressed to hear his son say this. I told him that it was because his son is not used to having limits and consequences and he still needed to be firm.
My husband agrees that his son needs to learn to cope when things don't go his way but my husband ends up giving in most of the times to what his son wants. I told my husband that his job as a dad was to raise a responsible, caring, independent adult even if that meant that his son won't like him at times. At times I think that my husband's guilt won't allow him to be firm with his son.
It's very disapointing for me to see my husband be like this. I'm beginning to doubt that I will want to stick around as I foresee things getting worse because my stepson is very smart and is already very manipulative. I raised a daughter as a single mom for many years and I didn't baby her at all even though I felt guilty many times.
Agreed
Please read above stepmom74 and Crayon-
without rules, boundaries and limitations you will end up with a Zippy16.5
DH is already moaning about how 18 is too young for kids to:
Have to drive more than one mile to work or school from home
(We want to move to the country-Zip is going to college 1 hour away from here)
I say-Zip can stay with Mommykins (who lives 45 minutes from college)-lets drop him at 18 on her doorstep while we move to the country (I am sure Zip could manage S'n'M BM (Ms. Smoke and Mirrors who dropped Zip(then 14) off in the first place)
DH's response:
"Oh Zippy would NEVER live with his mother"
Me:
:sick:
At six years old you are lucky you only have the summer to put up with that crap-
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!