I can certainly understand your frustration. I'd be talking to my lawyer about this and calling CPS if I were DH. BM isn't training her right and this can affect SD's health and hygiene. Take pictures of her dirty pants & underwear.

Also, this can be a sign of sexual abuse/stress in kids. Does BM have her around questionable people? Look up symptoms of sexual abuse in kids. Even if you don't think that's what's going on after doing some research, have DH call her pediatrician and see what they say about this. This could also be a sign that she's stressed over other things.

My sister was having this problem with my niece at age 5. She was pooping and peeing herself because she was too damn lazy to get up from playing and go potty.

I might have missed it, but does she do this at BM's house too?

Anyway, my sister resolved it by spanking my niece's behind ONE time when she did it. I don't normally agree with spanking, but um, at 9 the child knows better and is just being lazy IMO.

Maybe putting her in time out every single time she does it? And I don't mean like a 10 minute time out, maybe like send her to lie in her bed quietly for an hour or so?

The people I nanny for also have a 4 year old almost 5 who does the same thing, and we are still trying to figure it out. We've been doing the hour long "break" with him laying in his bed (because if you have an accident your tummy might be upset, so you have to go rest so you don't get sick), but he did have an accident last week--used to be 1-2 a day, so I guess we're getting better.

Another thing we do is say "Hey kiddo, we're not going to have ANY accidents today, right?!" and then remind him that we're trying not to have accidents at times when he usually does (after school, in the car, during his quiet time).

Some other things we tried were a treat each time he went to the potty and didn't have an accident (like a few M&Ms), a sticker chart for each time he went, we did this thing where if he went a week, he got to go to the movies. None of these things have completely worked, but maybe some of this will work for you.

I know with the 4 yo that I watch, I really think a pop on the behind might help in many areas of his behavior, haha.

Good luck!

i would try and find out why she is doing this. My guess is that it is also a control issue. Kids can control 3 things, bathroom habits, eating, and sleeping. When kids feel out of control they often use these things to feel as if they are in control. That's not to say it is a conscious thing. As in-its not likely she is saying to herself, "I'm gonna poo myself so I can feel in conrol"-so a spanking is not likely to do any good.

I would look for ways for her to gain control in your household. Give her choices that you can live with. You can wear this outfit today or that one. You can have chips or carrots with your sandwich. You can watch tv or play outside. Also is she constipated? Most people automatically say no-as duh, she's pooping her pants. But she may indeed be constipated and holding if for so long that eventually it sort of just um, explodes. Make sure she is getting plenty of water. I'd also put her on a bathroom schedule. She needs to go to the bathroom every hour and at least try to poop. Maybe get her a little watch in which the alarm goes off on the hour-then set a timer for 5 minutes in the bathroom.

I know this is gross-but I dont really think she is doing it on purpose. It is likely indiciative of far bigger problems and it would be better to address those than focus on this one issue.

I had a friend whose son messed his pants regularly during his contact weekends with him. It turned out that the poor kid was being abused by his stepdad, whom he lived with. I'm not saying this is what's going on with your skid, but another poster sugggested it could be a sign of major stress and/or that she is being abused. If a dr has ruled out a physical cause, it sounds like she needs an evaluation as to whether there are any emotional/mental issues that could be causing it. What is her behaviour like in other ways? I know my friend's son was extremely clingy and attention seeking and would cry and whine hysterically if his dad went out of view even for a few minutes, because in the kid's eyes his dad was the only person in his world who represented safety and security. Your SD might be doing it to gain some kind of control and/or attention, or on the other hand it might be a sign that she's suffering some serious psychological trauma which needs investigating. I think the other poster's suggestion of looking up signs that children may be suffering abuse is a good one and might help you work out if that's a possibility.

I think she needs an immediate spanking from her dad - repeat as needed!!

This child probably has ENCOPRESIS. Please look this up and read about it. My son who is 10 suffers from this and has since he was 3 1/2 years of age. It is disgusting, frustrating, and horrible for all involved. The child does not need punished she needs treatment. I recently started Soiling Solutions with my son and so far we have had moderate success.

Punishment will only make the child feel worse than she already does. It is not a control issue....it is not a way to get attention. Trust me she probably does not understand why she poops in her pants any more than you do.

Anyone that has a child with this issue has a tough road to follow.....I am so blessed that my DH is understanding and supports the treatment we try. It has been rough combining our families because we do not want my child to be ridiculed by his for messing his pants.

We have been through the lying, the hiding of his underwear, and much more. Kids that do this get used to the smell and do not realize they are dirty.

PLEASE LOOK UP ENCOPRESIS AND come back and let us know what you think. Also if you have any questions I can answer let me know and I will give you my e-mail address.

My daughter (5) was doing this sporatically as well. At first I thought it was medical, so I took her to the doctor. Doctor said she was a little backed up and gave her miralax. We got everything flowing and then she would do it again. Now, at this point there was nothing wrong. The problem is, once they start, for some reason it's hard to stop. Finally, once I asked her why she was doing it, she said "I just didn't want to stop playing" Then I realized that it was pure laziness. At first we had a "talk" and she promised she would use the potty. Next time I sent her to bed early...after that I spanked her butt(not hard, basically just hurt her feelings)...LAST time I grabbed one of my son's diapers (he's 2) and I said "well, if you can't be a big girl and go on the potty..then you have to wear diapers like a baby" She FREAKED..she ran under her bed crying "no, I don't wanna wear a diaper!" I got her from under her bed..and almost forced the diaper on her until she finally said "I won't do it again, I promise!!" This was about 3 months ago and haven't had a problem since!

My DD did this from age 7 till 9, for her it was connected to her anxiety disorders.

I would have SD 9yo in a diaper all day every day including at school. Since you have confirmed with a Doc that this is not a medical issue it is definately a her choice to be the Shit Beast. So apply the consequences.

We did not have this specific problem but my SS did start wetting himself fairly regularly when he was about the age that your SD is. We got sick of dealing with the smell and the extra laundry. Nothing worked. We took him to his Doc. No problems were found.

We finally put him in a diaper. We did it on a Friday night when he wet his bed. He refused to go outside and play on Sat and Sun but we purposely went out to eat several times that weekend and we did have some visitors that weekend. He was mortified to have to wear a diaper in public and he closed himself in his room while our visitors were there.

Bedtime on Sun we sat him down, told him that he had a choice. Wet his bed and wear a diaper to school or don't wet his bed and don't wear a diaper all day every day until he resolved the issue. He put on his underwear that night and never wet his bed again.

So I would go with a diaper for your SD. If that does not get the point across then start spanking her bare butt each and every time she shits her drawers (after you hose her bare butt off in the backyard with the garden hose) and then put her in a diaper.

I forecast that it will take no more than one spanking/diaper day and this will be a resolved behavioral problem.

Effective consequences should resolve this fairly quickly.

Oh man..... this is 100% a control issue by SD. He needs to stop all interaction related to helping her when she poops her pants. She sure knows how to get his undivided attention! At 9, she has bowel control just like the rest of us. Is key her walk around with shit in her pants & not mention it unless it's time for her to ride in my car- then I'd tell her she can't get in my vehicle like that. She needs to clean herself up completely with no assistance, it will remove the positive reinforcement from the behavior. I'd also get get into some counseling, that's rather abnormal for her age. If you stop acknowledging it (or only to point out that she smells & can't go in your car like that) & he stops reinforcing it with undivided attention, I would think she'll learn that this behavior doesn't get the desired outcome anymore. I'd also make HER pack & bring a bag of clean clothes & baby wipes everywhere. You'd think she'd be sensitive to the social reaction of pooping her pants. If not, let her see her friends at the mall when she's just shit her pants. And no new clothes- anything until she's gone a month without the behavior. Good luck.

SS12 is doing the same thing. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on meds. bio mom and bio dad have talked to his couselor about it. Since he doesn't do it in school also then it's probably not a medical issue. The counselor felt it was attention seeking and control. He recommended SS12 to wash his own underwear and cloths when it occures and to be alone when he does it. He said by making him wash his cloths alone it will take away control through this mechanism and also teach him this is no way to get attention. We now no longer make a fuss, we hand him the bucket and soap and send him to the laundry room by himself to wash his cloths and hang dry them. Since this approach has been taken consistently, the accidents have stopped at our house. Bio mom didn't agree with it and is handling in her own way....by the way....it's still happening at her house!