2 issues that have led to a significant amount of resentment toward me from my fiance. I have been told that I am in the wrong and that my failure to acknowledge it will lead to the end of our relationship of 3 years.

My fiance and I recently had a child together who is less than 2 months. Our little one was planned. I have 2 sons, ages 12 and 3 and SD age 10. SD lives an hour away and is with us overnight once a week and EOW. My boys live with us and have visits with my ex every weekend. We tend to have situations where he expresses concerns that his daughter is made to feel left out or less than. An example is when my older son is invited to sleepover with his favorite cousin if we are visiting, which has always happened since the boys were younger so I tend to take extra clothing for DS 12. Prior to us moving to our new home in a new area both boys were involved in extracurricular activities with DS taking piano lessons with the usual recitals, dancing in front of national audiences, and then doing additional short-term sports or activities if he had an interest. DS3 was just beginning to basketball and gymnastics as extracurricular activities.
Although we have SD part-time, I found an activity to involve her in once he moved in with me. She was able to participate in theatre as well as dance even though she was here EOW. She stated she didn't really like either one. He and EW had her enrolled in dance in the past and she doesn't have an interest in that either. My fiance would drive an hour there to take her. It also didn't work well since she missed a class EOW. At age 9 her response to activities is that she doesn't have an interest in any particular one.

My fiance became pretty much undone, when he found out that I had begun seeking out piano lessons for DS 12 in our new area, as well as, gymnastics for my little one. He feels I'm wrong for not finding an activity for SD. According to him her mom treats everything and everyone as an inconvenience so I should know to schedule her. Her mom stays at home, choosing not to work. For me, this makes her fully capable and available to plan for SD who I have a very hard time figuring out what interests her.

The major issue that has caused a breakdown in all communication was another instance of him telling me how wrong I am in refusing to care for SD. Our newborn was just 5 weeks old when SD became sick while at her mother's home. She had a fever ranging from 101 to 103 for 3 days with the chills, vomiting, lack of appetite, congestion, and a cough that prevented her from sleeping. She had been taken to the doctor 1 week prior to this by fiance for a bad cough thought to be from sinus issues and her mother failed to schedule or take her to the follow up appointment as agreed. I was asked if her mother could bring her to me if she didn't go to school on the 4th day of her illness as her mother had her own doctors appointment on that day. I informed my fiance that I did not feel comfortable with her staying with me and newborn that day without her seeing a doctor. My fiance and ex stressed that she could spend that day, as well as the weekend in her room so no one else became ill. My concern was that her symptoms hadn't improved and in fact became much worse. I felt she needed a visit to the doctors in addition to not wanting to care for an obviously sick child. This would have been the same reaction i would have had if it were either of my son's. I would have asked my ex to take them to the doctor.My family would have helped to care for them after the doctors visit to decrease exposure to newborn.

My fiance feels I was out of line to "refuse to serve as her primary caretaker" for the time she was scheduled to be with her mom, as well as the weekend since he had to work. I actually never refused, I just stated I wasn't comfortable with it. SD has health insurance and I almost see it as a form of neglect for neither of her parents to seek medical treatment. Her mother will only schedule appointments if she feels things are bad and the expectation is that my fiance will take her to those appointments an hour away.Fiance says if I wanted her to be seen so badly by the doctor I should have taken her myself, although he knows her mother has said i can't take her to the doctors nor get her a doctor here. We have been at odds over this for 2 weeks now. To top it off, she still has the bad cough and our new baby is suffering from congestion, a cough, and sneezing.