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advice for alone time on BF weeken with SD

greenowl's picture

Submitted by greenowl on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 9:21am

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Blended Family Issues

I have 2 kids 24-7 , 365 days a year. They are always with me. However my BF has his daughter 50% of the time..twice through tbe week, everyweek and every other weekend. My mom will offer every few months to take my kids for the weekend Smile but my bf gets upset when it falls on his weekend and I tell him, I dont want any kids this weekend...its " me" time. Including not seeing him...He doesnt live with me, but he gets into the " your mom always takes them on the weekend I have my child" ect...( which is just a fluke)
He also gets upset because my mom is only involved with my kids. ( my mom is older and has health issues) and only wants to see my kids. And my kids only have my mom and family..my SD has 3-4 grandmas and grandpas and a lot of family who shower her with everything, so my mom likes to focus on MY children...my BF gets soo mad when we have BBQs and his daughter isnt invited....or he will switch things ..for example, he has his child this long weekend and my mom is taking the kids (yayy) and he wants to do something this weekend ..me, him and his child.....
And thelast thing I want to do is see a child on my free weekend. She isnt a overly obnoxious child by any means, but he just doesnt get it. I one told him I would babysit on his weekend and my mom suprised me a couple weeks ago that she was taking the kids (yayy) so I cancelled on him and he lost it......
Its not that my mom doesnt likeother kids, she just wants to focus on HER grandchildren because thats all my kids have....I cant explain it to him and when i try, he gets so so mad...
How do I deal sith this!? ....

frustratedstepdad's picture

Submitted by frustratedstepdad on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 10:23am

Hmmm. How long have you and your boyfriend been dating? If you guys have been dating for quite sometime, then I think I do understand some of his frustration. He and his kid are a package deal, just like you and your kids are a package deal. I do understand why your mom wants to focus more on YOUR children, but I can also see how that would make his daughter feel left out even if she does have lots of family. Like I said I think it really depends on how long you two have been dating.

byebyebirdie's picture

Submitted by byebyebirdie on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 11:29am

if you lived with the B/F then maybe he would have the right to be upset since he would spend time with your children when his child is not there but since you don't live together then really he has no right to be upset.
you are entitled to your alone time! and don't move into together unless you are willing to give up the precious alone time.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 12:30pm

There was a dad posting here last week about this very issue. His son was the one always left out. He called off the engagement and ended the relationship.

Chances are your BF will make the same choice that poster made.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 2:21pm

I'm of grandma age. (almost old enough to be great grandma)

I have a HUGE extended family. I've taken nieces and nephews for the weekend. No way on the face of this earth that I would extend the same hospitality to the children of someone one of my relatives is dating.

Now I do make an effort to see steps if the couple is married or living together IF and only IF the skids are not obnoxious brats.