Oh, the dreaded alternating Christmas visitation schedule!! I lived it for about a decade and I admit it is one of the things I don't miss about my SSs growing up! We had to alternate every other year when my SSs were there for Christmas morning. It also caused us to alternate when we saw DH's family, as every other year, he only had them for 22 hours between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, including 8 hours of driving (all him, going to get them and taking them back) and including about 8 hours sleep time. After the first two years together, we had our first DS,and his first Christmas and every year after, Santa came as usual, leaving gifts for SSs and our DS, and our DS opened his gifts from Santa on Christmas morning, and on years when SSs did not come until Christmas evening, SSs opened theirs when they arrived. (Yes, my DS--and later, my DS#2--had already opened his gifts, but he had just gotten so MUCH,it was no big deal that they opened their gifts with him present,actually, so there's that.) I wish I could say the alternating holiday was no big deal, but I have to admit, I'd rather accept the fact that I'm now pushing 50 and those days are OVER forever rather than go back to my 30's and deal with that again. My only advice is to try to set holidays for your own child that are consistent regardless, since that is your child's only home and only Christmas. And try not to stress too much over it. Good luck!

I'm a little confused by you saying that you can see your child always missing out.

Do you feel that he's missing out because he'll have opened all his presents on Christmas morning and he won't have any presents to open later in the day or the next day when the skids arrive?

I think it's important for you to understand that whatever you feel, your kid will feel. Right or wrong children look to their parents, yes I'm going to say it, mostly they believe what their Mother believes.
So if you feel he's missing out, then he's going to feel that he's missing out. And then you will reinforce that, you'll think that he's feeling it on his own but he's just mirroring you.

I'll admit, I haven't been in this situation but my advice, for what it's worth, is to make it about the giving.

I would not make him wait to open presents. Christmas morning is about Santa and gifts and paper everywhere. I would be excited for him and let him open all his presents.
Then let him do the same thing for his siblings. Let him be excited for them when they open their presents.
Bring the spirt of giving into Christmas, teach him that it's better to give than to receive.

If this just doesn't work and he's upset because he's got nothing to open when the skids are opening gifts then keep the gifts they get for him to open when they are there. Put away a few toy gifts and say oops look what we missed yesterday and let him open them along with the skids.

Just an FYI, we have always wrapped Santa and stocking presents. We use newspaper (I save the junk mail adds that fill up our box starting Dec 1) and the wrapping isn't very good but even the shampoo and underwear get wrapped. In our family the unwrapping is part of the fun.

You are over thinking and stressing about nothing..... Christmas day is Christmas day, you can't move it around to accommodate people.

Thus if you have the skids on Christmas eve then every one opens their gifts and you celebrate Christmas, if the skids are not there, you still celebrate and open gifts like normal, teach your bio from a young age, This is how we do it,
The next day the skids comes over, they simply get their gifts in their room... Santa left it there...

Remember skids are having Christmas with BM... why should they have 2? If your DH does not agree and have a mantrum, laugh and say then why did you divorce BM, this is what happens with divorce you should've think about that before getting divorced..

Santa comes on Christmas morning where ever the child is. People can exchange Christmas present any time they wish.

The only "issue" I see here is that you are afraid your kid is going to be upset if he opens his presents earlier and then the skids come and open their presents and he doesn't have any.

So you either wait until all the kids are together to open presents.

OR

You teach your child that he got to open his presents earlier and that his siblings are opening their gifts later and that is just the way it's going to be.

Another option is that your son can open part of his gifts on Christmas morning with you and your DH and you can set aside a few of his gifts to open with his siblings. NOT buy him more then you would if this wasn't the case but divide up the gifts to the 2 different times.

When he's young he probably wouldn't even notice and once he is older you will just have to explain to him what is going on.

From your original post, it appears that in all years.. the SK's are there on Christmas Day.. it just depends whether they wake up there or get there later in the day.

The years where they are there early, you have the full present opening with everyone in the AM.

On the years where they aren't there till later, you let your child open a few of his presents in the AM.. "santa presents" and then he can open the balance of them with his siblings later in the day.

OR...

You could make your present opening happen every year after dinner on Christmas day. maybe you have a tradition to go feed the homeless or something in the AM?

If you are just worried about your child not having anything to open, why not hold one or two things back that are from "Mom and Dad" and not Santa? This being your first Christmas as a mother is probably making you overthink things.

My SD was already grown by the time we had our children together, so I never worried about her and how we did Christmas. DH and BM always had set Christmas schedules, however. BM would always get Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and DH would pick up SD later Christmas morning and take her back Christmas night. (Not sure if she spent the night when she was even younger before DH and I were together. She was 14 when we first started dating.)

Now SD sometimes joins us Christmas Day, and other times comes over a day or two later. We always have presents from our kids and us to her, and she brings a present for each of our boys. They don't care at all that she has a lot more to open up than them.

Thinking about it, you'll see that it's not that big a deal to see the other kids opening gifts. Our kids are 5,4 and almost 2, and by the time my family comes over in the afternoon Christmas Day, they are so burned out from all the earlier presents and excitement that they don't really want to finish opening presents from my family. Just seeing and playing with their cousins would be more than enough for them.

I agree with not showing that you feel things may be unequal is the way to go. Whatever it is for your child will be their normal.

I guess my issue is my partner not really fully enjoying Christmas with my little family because he's missing the girls. I'm wondering if every other year we have to endure him not being fully present because he's only got one of his children there.

If he feels guilty or disloyal because his kids are not there at any given moment, such as Christmas, perhaps he should not have gotten divorced nor moved on. Life happens. This is the life of a divorced parent and it does no good to dwell on the times that the kids are NOT with said parent.

Hopefully, your boyfriend is adult enough to celebrate with his girls when he can and also celebrate and be fully present with you and your son together.

I'm sensing the real problem for you is going to in-laws. Now that you officially feel like 'family' (an our child now), you want to stay home and create your own little 'family' Christmas.

Husband isn't on board with that. Well, even if you manage to talk DH in spending the entire day at home, it still doesn't solve your issue of when do all the kids receive and open presents. Every other year you'll face this. Yes, you're right that DH and you must work out a plan and follow through, but the basics will very likely remain the same.

Santa will come to your son, whether skids are there are not. Christmas dinner will sometimes perhaps be home and sometimes perhaps be at in-laws. Perhaps you'll begin to occasionally host the in-laws. Since Santa leaves gifts for baby at home every Christmas morning, you need to discuss when and how the skids receive their gifts. As already suggested, baby can receive various gifts from Santa, Dad and Mom, skids and grandparents throughout the entire day...so there is no really 'baby being left out or put on hold'. Baby has both Mom and Dad all Christmas season all day ever day. DH and you need to coordinate and organize so all the children have gifts to open when they are together with the acknowledge that the children will also be partaking separately. It's important to Dad that he have all of his children celebrate Christmas with Dad. How Dad and you accomplish that only affects baby if Dad and/or you poorly or selfishly prepare.

Santa goes where the kid goes; this year is BM's year, Santa will bring his gifts over there. SS will open gifts at our house from me, dh, and bs1 but only bs1 will open gifts from Santa Christmas morning.

Did BM offer dh/you to wait until the child see's DH, opens your Christmas Gifts "THEN" comes back to BM's to open Santa gifts at her home?

Did BM say she will have Christmas on Dec 27---so YOUR family can have a little Christmas on Christmas?

Did BM say---never mind DH...since you cant have the child this year the child will not be allowed to open gifts.

OF course not.
OP have Christmas in your home ON Dec 25

DO not wait?

BM is not waiting. Send the gifts to BM's house for Christmas Morning. Problem solved.

I am in the exact same position. This year my daughters and step daughter will be with their other parents on Xmas morn. We have a 9 month old son together. We will absolutely be doing Xmas in the morning!! He will not suffer because of his sisters' schedule. You should do the same!

We were fortunate. At the time our CO was finalized the SpermClan was quite proud that they did not celebrate Christmas and regardless the Judge awarded every Christmas day to my wife.

The visitation schedule for Winter was that on even years the SpermClan got the SKid on the day after school was out until 24-Dec and on odd years from 26-Dec until the day before school started.

Later after the out of wedlock breeding successes of the SpermIdiot they started gnashing their teeth about wanting the 25th. Nope, that was against the CO and never happened.

I think the thing to do is set your own family traditions and the SKids participate when they are with you.

Be as consistent as the residential situation will allow.

I get it, we have been having the same conversation for two years. 

My DD is now 1 so this is her first proper Christmas as last year she was too young. Last year SD9 was also with us which was great because it meant the real FIRST christmas was spent together. But since we found out in was pregnant, my husband and I have been trying to figure out how to "do" Christmas without having either girl feel snubbed. 

For me Christmas is a huge deal, for my husband and even for BM it's not. Which means, SD LOVES christmas with us because it's over the top. The tree, decorations, lots of craft making, the cheesy music, special baking, all the little traditions I share in the run up to the big day and then ofcourse the presents! Both my DH and SDs BM grew up that Christmas was one gift, you might see your extended family and eat together but that was it. Theres not really much magic. 

In our scenario it is made easier in the sense that the CO is clear, SD is with one parent for the WEEK of Christmas or New Year. So theres none of this, shall we do Christmas later? Shall we delay presents on the years SD is later coming to us because it's a week. 

So we have decided to continue to celebrate Christmas as we always have, we will simply pile SDs presents on her bed so that they are waiting for her when she joins us at New Year. With DD being so young it may be that we only open a few presents at a time and she has some left, we are going to see how it goes. But this year there are a lot of presents as the rest of my family have gone a little over the top (for both SD and DD)

I get that it's sad for DH that he doesn't always have his whole family around but frankly, that's not your fault. That is the consequence of a relationship breaking down when kids are involved and it's not fair to punish you or your shared child by having you feel second best. 

Life goes on, day to day routines are what they are. The fairest thing you can do with step kids involved is simply adjust to include them when they are with you. But dont go restructuring your entire day, week, life around them as it does them no favours. 

If you guys normally eat dinner at 5pm to have baby bathed and in bed by 7pm and BM for whatever reason wanted to drop the step kids at 8pm, would you not eat and expect baby to eat together with step kids after 8pm? Ofcourse not. 

Christmas is the same principle. You celebrate as you intend to with YOUR child and on the years that step kids are then not with you until the evening, they can have their presents then. 

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Stepkids get one more christmas than our babies anyway. I go out of my way to make Christmas special for my little one. I bought a special gift, I keep a journal that I write in at Christmas each year that I'll eventually give to her, I take her to see the lights and santa. I don't do that with the stepkid, at least not on such an individual level as I do with my own daughter.

My wife doesn't like it, I can tell by the tone in her voice when she asks about my plans/what I got for the baby. I honestly don't really care. (Don't mistake me for a monster, stepkid gets multiple THOUSANDS of dollars in gifts from in-laws + her bio dad's family+my wife and I.)

I NEVER allow the situation of the skid to effect the way my daughter is raised. When my wife can't go on a holiday trip to see family because of visitation, I go with the baby. The SKID is misbehaving erratically? The baby and I go. If one day, Christmas morning, the skid is at her dad's at my wife tell me we can't open gifts with our (two soon) kids, she can sit upstairs and wallow.

Your kids are his kids as well. He should be equally as enthusiastic about yours as he is with his previous. Unfortunately, kids from a second marriage are too often an afterthought, and they need loving parents like us to make up for the mistakes that a bio-parent made in the past.

They will open their gifts when they get there.. Its all about your baby period.. They have a mother let her make that day magical for them. You make it magical at anytime of the day during Christmas for yours

I would let your child open presents on Chritmas whether the SK are there or not. Maybe start a tradition of the kids exchanging gifts, so when you have all of them together and your child has opened all the gifts from Santa, she will have a few from her step siblings.