Anger Sprinkled w/Guilt & a Side of 'Over It'
Hello. My DH & I have been together for almost 4yrs. Married 7mths ago. I have 2 Bios from previous marriage (girl 11, boy 7). He has a 10yr old girl. My SD has been apart of my life since we started dating. We had her every weekend, some holidays & summers. She displayed strange behaviors in the very beginning. Stealing money & possessions from my daughter, pitting her against her brother, pushed my then 3yr old son into the corner of the tv, try to ruin birthdays...she came in like a wrecking ball. She was reprimanded & disciplined with every infraction. My two were/ are welcoming, forgiving & loving. Outside of my SD's behavior, we were a happy unit w/supportive friends & exes. No drama.
Now here's the thing...she moved in with us full time 9mths ago because her home was an unsafe environment. Whereas her behaviors were seemingly isolated events, this girl is a sociopath. Her aggression is only towards my 7yr old son. She manipulates, picks fights, lies, talk down.. Which means I am HIS mom & defense. My son is very bright & my daughter is gifted - both children in math & science. So there is a level of jealousy, not competition but jealousy. My SD has no desire to learn or aspire to be anything but "cute". She came from a household w/2 older brothers & 1 baby sister and a whack job of a mom who is a superficial slut-bag. (It's true, no slander here)
My SD is selfish, self-centered, clueless, sugar-coated evil who only cares about singing & being pretty. Her teacher complains & my husband knows this but yet to get her help. Why I say "help"? well, recently she stuck a fork in boiling water & poked my son's face! It took Jesus & his disciples for me not to let her see heaven prematurely. I was LIVID!!! I implored my husband to dig deeper into HIS daughter's past with his ex. He finally tells me of an incident he knew of. My SD was allegedly "touched" by her brother when she was 4 & he was 10. Hmmmm... and of course it begs the question "why are you JUST now telling me this???" There's more, the whack job mom taught her children a doctrine that women are superior to men. So this little heffa was brainwashed to treat my son like crap! Lately, I've been so upset with the entire marriage. Honestly. I sat my husband down & my SD. She needs therapy NOW. My mom moved out is state 2mths ago. I feel guilty because she needs a decent upbringing & sense of belonging. Then on the other hand, I'm like "eff that!" She can no longer engage my son at ANY level. The house is tense & this goes against everything I stand for as a mom but I made it clear to them both, my loyalty is to my children & to protect them. My husband should feel same about his daughter. Thank u for listening.
* I meant to say "HER mom
* I meant to say "HER mom moved out of state 2mths ago."
Get SD help now! You're the
Get SD help now! You're the one who will have to do it since DH won't. I would call in all the help I could get. People are always skiddish about getting social services involved but this is more than you and DH can handle. Child services can point you to counseling, a social worker that could be assigned to her, emergency foster care, medication....etc.
I know it sounds extreme but I had to use emergency foster care for my own daughter to give myself and her 4 younger siblings a break when she was acting out violently. You have to protect your own children. Get SD help now.
As you point out (rightly),
As you point out (rightly), YOU are the only advocate your kids have in that house. It is YOUR JOB to protect them. And I hate to say it, but you are currently failing them. You need to live separately from your DH until he gets SD the help she needs. SD poked your son in the face with a hot fork. Are you going to wait until she takes his eye before you act? Your children are not safe in their own home. You need to fix that. (Also, you don't mention where their father is, but note that just like SD was taken out of an unsafe home, your own children can be removed from yours as well. If your kids' dad gets involved, and especially if your SD succeeds in injuring your son, he could easily get full custody. Something to consider.)
* she moved in with us
* she moved in with us because her home was "unsafe" due to the poor support from mom, she was failing in grades, her mom was not forthcoming w/her schooling & home life, her mom was in between relationships and we only had her on the weekends & summers and she needed stability. Now that she is with us, we see a lot that needs to be done. Unfortunately, what I am seeing is her acting out. I get that she is vying for attention & may feel misplaced and she is not used to a positive loving home but what I do not get is that she has been in my life for this length of time & is behaving worst. Her stunt with the fork could have been worst. My son quickly pulled back but she still touched his face. Everyone was applaud!! My husband is now committed to getting her help again(..he sought help for her when she was 4yrs old) however, I feel that he was slow to respond. I sense he is feeling ashamed. Like he failed her when he & the ex broke up. I feel that he now thinks that he did a great job removing her from her mother's home but do not truly know his daughter. He is upset over her behavior but has to take the time out to either give me her insurance info or call himself. I do not promote violence & I never had to deal with it in the home or outside of it BUT lawrd knows, I had NO problem letting SD & DH know that if it wasn't for the fear of me going to jail & that my son was actually 'ok'...she would have been left looking like The Elephant Man after I was done with her. My children & I spent the weekend together & they are such great kids. And yes, my ex-husband is aware & he treated her like family too so he now feels that she needs help & was very upset w/her behavior. I never dealt with child services, never. I don't know how that system work but I do know that things will be changing before I quickly learn about the 'jail system' . Thanks for listening
Paddle .. meet toxic SD ass
Paddle .. meet toxic SD ass each and every time she steals, is violent, screams, etc...
Wear her ass out. After you light her ass up put her in an isolated corner with her nose in contact with both intersecting walls where she will stand until you get tired. Make sure the corner is somehwere that she can hear everything going on in the house including everyone having fun and getting along. Lather, rinse, repeat. Never stop. If the behavior is perpetrated the pain starts immediately.
No quarter, punnish the unacceptable behavior quickly, agressively, and painfully.
End of problem.... eventually.
Why on earth are you
Why on earth are you subjecting your son to this? Are you purposely trying to ruin his childhood? Man I am sick of these posts where the bio kid is so obviously in danger and all the SM can obsess about is the skids awful behavior. Get your son out of there YESTERDAY.