Blending Families and Its costs !!
Forums:
:jawdrop: What are you people thinking when you marry someone for the second or third time and these stepkids are involved???
Obviously it is "not of long term happiness" in your new marriage,unless you are real lucky and not the norm !!!!!!
After reading many of these posts,it is the tension(emotionally,financially,etc.)of maintaining this "blended family" work that is the deal breaker for many!!
Good luck to you all !!
Your assumption would seem to
Your assumption would seem to be that people did not learn from their prior marriage/relationship experiences. For many you are most definately correct.
However, for those who are capable of learning from their own experiences and the experiences of others a subsequent marriage can be an amazing life long adventure. Even if there are prior relationship spawn in the mix.
I for one am a firm believer in the do-over. When the do-over is combined with the learnings from prior relationship experiences a subsequent marriage can be a wonderful thing. Luck has little to do with it. The condition of any marriage whether initial or subsequent has everything to do with the quality of the decisions and effort that the partners put in to it and very little to do with luck.
IMHO and experience of course.
Good luck to you in your own relationship adventures.
Oh yes, being married to the
Oh yes, being married to the love of your life, BFF, and hot lover makes a huge difference.
In my case the difference between a horrid first marriage and an amazing second is night and day. Fortunately I did not spawn with my XW.
I believed in the "do-over"
I believed in the "do-over" until it "did-me-in". I would never recommend marriage and skids to anybody, not even my worst enemy.
The beauty of the do-over is
The beauty of the do-over is that you can take as many of them as you need. You learned on the earlier experiences and can take a do-over making sure that you do not accept the characteristics in the do-over partner that the previouse partners had that contributed to the failed attempt.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
Spit Take at hot box! I was
Spit Take at hot box!
I was young childless and dumb. Now I'm just old(er) and childless. Hey...at least I've learned a lot.
So what you are saying is
So what you are saying is that anyone who has been married before and has children should never expect or be entitled to love and a happy life with another partner?
I was married before and in a Step situation before. Although my marriage ended, I learned a great deal about myself and what I will and will not accept in my life.
When I married a second time, I met the man who was kinder, more loving and more amazing then I could ever imagine. Yes, he had been married before and yes he has a horrible XW and three rude entitled children. Of course our relationship didn't start out like that, but as time went on and personalities become more honest...I could tell that BM was not someone you could co-parent with. Do I blame my DH for that?? Does he not deserve love and a family because BM is so impossible?
We all deserve love and happiness. I was able to teach DH how to better deal with an impossible person through my experience and he taught me how to be more patient and more forgiving. We are not better able to push away the drama and not allow it into our lives. We focus on the great parts of our life and look forward to growing old together. Step Hell sucks...but with work and communication with your spouse, you can still have the life and love you always searched for.
No life (step or not) is perfect. And even in marriage where there are no children, there are challenges. You have to decide whether the good outweighs the bad and go with that.
Wow! I love your opinion on
Wow! I love your opinion on the matter. I think I may just copy and paste your response and read it over again from time to time when I forget what really matters. I am remarried with a daughter from a past marriage, two stepkids and a child with my husband now. It is extremely challenging but I totally agree with everything you said. Thank you for sharing!
I think if you and your
I think if you and your partner are on the "same team" when it comes to skids then you can work things out. If not, if can be hell. To be fair I have heard of some nice situations out there. I had a great step dad for instance. But I just can't recommend it because I hear more bad stories than good. And my role as step parent SUCKED because my spouse didn't value my opinion. Guess I am jaded.