I think it's okay to help your adult child out if they are falling on hard times. Not forever of course, but just until they get back on their feet. I would have been living in the street or my car had my parents not helped me out in the few months that I practically hit rock bottom due to job loss and medical emergencies.

It's when they sit around on thier Ass making no effort to improve themselves, that's when it's time to cut the cash flow. Or when they keep asking for money because they are spending thier money on dumb crap instead of needs.

A split is tough and expensive, DH was almost in bankruptcy when he split from BM after all the lawyers and extra bills he took on. His mom helped him out but only temporarily (just a few months) and he dug himself out of the hole fairly quickly.

Sounds like your son is trying. I think a lot of the grumbling here about adult step kids asking for and getting money is because those kids don't need the money, they just don't want to make an effort to go and earn it themselves. If SS grows up and has a job and is trying but has something unexpected happen, I will not hold it against him or DH and will happily help. Now if he turns into a 30 year old man living in the basement and work part time at McDonald's while demanding thousands from us simply for existing, that will be a different story.

As long as you and your wife are on the same page about this and you can manage it financially, then I don't see it as being an issue. Do you view this as temporary assistance or a permanent arrangement? If temporary, it might be a good idea to set a date that you expect the situation to either change or at least be re-discussed to ensure everyone is still in agreement.

I'm confused as to the step element of this. Is your son supporting his ex-wife's sons - who are his stepkids? (And your son doesn't have children of his own?)

If so, then I can understand why as parents you would be objecting to supporting him, while he is paying/supporting someone else's children that he may not have any legal responsibility for.

Maybe you can clarify what relationship these two boys are to your son.

My parents did not help pay my rent when I went thru a divorce.

1200 rent for grown adult is salty.
Here is an idea--?

Grocery cards, yeah.

1, 2 months of Light bills directly paid to company, yeah sure that's nice

Maybe pay 6months cable bill paid directly to the cable company---super nice.

But 1200 rent? For how long...?

salty---curious, why.

An adult who is old enough to marry and have multiple children should have enough gumption to figure out how to deal with any situation that arises. Maybe one needs to borrow some money to deal with deposits, etc., but to need rent money for more than a month or two is pathetic.

I worked with a woman years ago who was going thru a divorce with a child. Even though she made a great salary money was tight. She rented a room in a house vs. having an expensive apartment. I was also going thru financial difficulties. My rent was $1200 a month - but I had roommates off and on to help with expenses.

Helping a person out during tough times is totally different from enabling them to maintain a standard of living that is out of line with their financial situation.

It sounds like your son is living far above his means and expecting you and mom to subsidize. However did he manage when he was married? Is he now paying alimony/child support on top of all his other bills?

If you really want to help him get him some financial counseling/planning and help him find a more affordable place to live.

I agree that helping a grown child through a tough time is great if you can do it but there is a difference between leaning on your parents for a short time and having them take over your adult responsibilites.

You are enabling your son.....

1. He's an adult he should be able to support himself and his family
2. Nothing wrong in helping a person through some hard times, but it needs to stop

Now if i recall it's been a year almost, enough time for BS to get his act together and stand on his own feet again, your son needs to understand, with divorce his life style will have to be lowered, he will not be able to maintain the life style he was use to, it's a fact. You and your wife allows him to maintain a life style he can't afford at your cost, stop it.

Your son needs to find a cheaper apartment if he can't afford that one, put all the kids in one bedroom, downsize, move to a cheaper part of town. When you get divorced, you have to reevaluate your spending habits from 2 incomes down to 1.

Please stop treating your son like a child, you're not helping him

My parents helped me when I was laid off but I had only just started working full time for just over a year after graduating with my masters..so I really didn't have time to amass a huge strategic savings fund. They helped a LOT because unemployment is crappy and my parents didn't live locally (in a fairly remote area in fact)..so moving home wasn't really an issue. It was a few months then I took back over once I was full time employed again.

I don't see a problem with helping with a temporary situation, but I think that the son needs to have a plan forward. Once his CS obligations are set, he needs to figure out what he has left to live on...or find a better/2nd job to make up the difference.

Of course, if parents are willing and able to supplement occasionally.. that's fine.. but only if it isn't to their own financial detriment.