Blood Boiling
I have a step daughter who is 17 now. We have had issues over the years and I seem to be so lost. My wife says I'm cold towards my daughter and seem to be heartless. I have had a lot of built up resentment towards my step daughter for years. I have been angry because both of us are alpha type personalities. I feel as over the years she demanded so much of my wives attention and in turn she got it. My wife and my step daughter are like best friends and I'm on the outside. I personally over the course of 2 years could not stand my step daughter, she would walk in the room and my blood pressure would raise out of my anger. I have had many disagreements with my daughter but sometimes of course I lose again. Now it seems that myself and my step daughter are drifting apart. At times I don't talk to her or she will walk in the room and you can just feel the tension. My teenager is so so sentive over everything. My wife and my daughters counselor said she should create boundaries. My step daughter has taken that to a whole new level. I ask a question or do something and she won't answer or will be rude saying 'oh I am not going to do that." Can someone please help me?
Justin
1st- can you delete 2 of
1st- can you delete 2 of these threads? You posted 3 times
As for your problem- I am not defending your wife at all in what I am about to say!!
Mothers and daughters do start reaching a point where they evolve into friends more than parents, and if she did a good job raising her 17/18 is when you really start seeing that transformation. It is also common for father/father figures to be more left out during this time. Your SD's life is revolving around, boys, makeup, clothes, etc- not things that dad's are overly into.
As for the rudeness factor- that is unacceptable. Your wife needs to correct her and say- answer Justin when he speaks to you. IF she is rude in her response she needs to be told to check her tone, if she doesn't she can be grounded just like any other kid who still lives under your roof.
How long have your been a stepfather/ been in her life? What do you do to bond and spend time together? Even if the answer is nothing, she still needs to be respectful of you and what you provide for her. Maybe it is time to try and plan something for you 2 after all of this Covid stuff clears up.
Is she a junior or sr. in high school this year? Does she have plans for college or other training schools? What are her plans after graduation?
You have posted this exact
You have posted this exact same post 5 times. Once is really enough.
Sometimes things are NO
Sorry for all the posts, but I am trying to get advice through different forums. Also I have been her step father for over 12 years. She doesn't like how I parent, she says I was controlling because I would say "No" to certain things thats she wanted to do. Just because others are doing it, she didn't see why things were a no in my eyes. I feel sometimes my wife is lacks with my oldest SD because I believe when she hits the real world she will get knocked on her a**. Her boss or co-workers wouldn't put up with stuff and she would be on the curb with no job.
You really only need to post once.
You will get all the help you need by doing it once vs. clogging the site up with redundant posts.
In your case, you have a wife problem. She's not enforcing proper behavior in her daughter.
Please delete the redundant posts.
What do you guys do to bond?
What do you guys do to bond? Or have done in the past?
When does she graduate? What are her plans post graduation?
Disengaged
The biodad is not involved, over $20,000 in arrears for child support, drug addict and alcoholic. I took the 2 girls in as my own. I already have been disengaging, i just didnt know if it was wrong.