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Boyfriends daughter makes me cringe

McRipple24's picture

So I was turned on to these online forums a few weeks ago because I'm a young mother with two jobs and no friends! I am very happy in my relationship. My boyfriend is a gift from god and he has been around since my daughter was aroun 4 months old and shes 2 now. He isn't "dad" to her my legal husband/baby daddy is still in the picture and we all get along for most part, aside from the occasional bickering we all have respect for each other. WELL the story is a little bit different when it comes to my boyfriends "baby momma" and 7 year old daughter. I'll start by saying the BM is a wretched, miserable, jealous, manipulative......... UGHHH I have choice words that I just won't say! And NO I did not come between her family. They were split up for years before I came into the picture. ANYHOW as far as my boyfriends daughter is concerned she is soooo annoying! Not exactly bad but she doesn't act rite. She is a bossy know it all. She undermines me and tries to boss around my daughter. When she comes over (every other weekend and sometimes for a few hours during he week) my house is chaos. She doesn't listen to me at all! She just laughs at me when I tell her to stop doing something. Or I hear " oh no it's ok I'm aloud to do this at my house." we'll I'll say well not in this house because your making he baby think she is aloud to do it to. My daughter has cought a few of her bad behaviors and it bothers the crap out of me! She will talk about my house and how it's not as nice as hers (she lives with her rich grandparents. Her mother was living in their basement up until a month or two ago) she will roll her eyes at the cloths I wear, the music I listen to. I understand she is just an opinionated little girl which is normal. But she takes it to another level sometimes. She is just rude. The 7 year old STILL when she goes #2 needs to be wiped with baby wipes! She doesn't listen to me OR her father and she feels entitled to everything. Now one of my biggest problems is my boyfriend is blind to all of rhese behaviors. He doesn't see how disrespectful she is and he blows it off because she's a little girl. He says she will grow out of it but in the last 2 years it has only gotten worse. She will set up my daughter and then tatle on a situation she manipulated!!! Sometimes when she comes over I make excuses to be in another room or doing something else. Today for the first time I told my boyfriend that his baby gets on my nerves and boy was that hard! Especially because he treats my daughter almost like his own and doesn't favor either one when they are both together. Him and I both grew up with nasty step parents who made us uncomfortable so were extremely conscious about the way we treat each others children. Today I hit a breaking point though and let him know my feelings towards his daughter and I could tell that was hard for him to hear. We talk about marriage and children of our own one day and now he is questioning me. I'm not woman enough for his baggage maybe! That's how he made it sound. I want to like this kid but she is SUCH a brat. She remindes me of her mother sometimes and it just makes me cringe. I'm not questioning my relationship I WILL make things work I just need advise on how to manage this not so perfect blended family.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

If you look at the stories about the teenage and adult stepkids on here, you will cringe even more. If your boyfriend is excusing this behavior now, his little girl is going to get A LOT worse. My husband's kids are young adults who are horribly nasty and disrespectful. Their mother simply did/does not believe in rules or boundaries. My husband tried, but he gave up (he is way too mellow and allowed BM to set the tone) and they were allowed to do what they wanted when they wanted to. His daughter is the worst. They think they world revolves around them and owes them. My MIL was like your boyfriend-she thought they were just kids. Now, she is completely disgusted by their behaviors, which just get worse.

I hope your bf wakes up, and I know you want to be with him, but I promise you, it will only get worse if something does not change. She will certainly not grow out of it, as the above poster said. She will believe that she can do no wrong,

hardlifeisnormal's picture

Ditto on dontcallmestepmom's post. The negative feelings you have now will be there forever along with the good. You're right, your family is not perfect and like most families, it never will be and perseverance (lots of work everyday over a long time, if that's what you want) is what will make it work. You have a good attitude, that's a bonus.

McRipple24's picture

The thing about our relationship that I different than most other things I've seen on here is this kid really likes me! She is up my butt the whole time she's here. She just honest to go thinks she doesn't need to listen and she thinks she can get away with everything. She lives in a pretent world over at her grandparents house. Anything she wants she gets. And they are very uppity people so this little girl comes here and judges us and let's us know that we are basically unfortunate! And we are not millionaires but by no means are we lazy trash either! We both work full time and own what I think is a lovely home <3 I take pride in this place and every week she comes here and rolls her eyes! She is being raised and taught to be snotty, bratty and judgmental. Her father and Ihave no say in how she is to behave because we only see her about a week every month. Then if we do correct her we get the hate messages from the BM and the little girl decided she doesn't want to go to daddy's and she cries! This hurts my boyfriends feelings so all he wants to do is cater to her because he doesn't see her enough and he doesn't want her to hate him. Understandable..... Kinda. The thing is she doesn't ever get yelled at, not spanked or punished. She is only ever told NO! and it's almost to a point where NO is no longer an option for this kid. God forbid she hates daddy at the end of the weekend.

McRipple24's picture

And she STILL doesn't wipe her butt!!! This drives me up a wall. Every time she yells for daddy to come wipe her no matter what were in the middle of doing he goes and wipes her butt. They think this is normal. I do not. It weirds me out. She is 7!! I don't even have memories of my butt being wiped probably because I was too youn to remember and I have 2nd grade memories. My bitt bein wiped was not one of them!! Lol my 22 month old is already wiping herself (I do a checkup wipe after but still she is only 2!) and my boyfriends daughter is always acting completely helpless. She doesn't know how to change her own cloths. She demands to drink out of sippy cups. We go to the park and she can't even get up on the swing by herself. She cries if we try encouraging her to do new things ie: riding a bike, swimming, ice skating. She just breaks down and cries. Then tells her mommy how nasty daddy is. Then comes the weekly text messages about how ugly we are and we should all die. Including my daughter!! These text messages have literally been because once she went home with cake frosting on her hoody. The other time we were ass holes because we don't buy her goggles to go play in the sprinklers and the most recent because we didn't make her strawberry milk before bed. These ate the reasons behind us being horrassed by his jealous nasty miserable BM. She is a stereotypical baby momma with a whole lot of drama. And I see her in her daughter Beee