Brainwashed stepdaughter
Hello,
I have been married to my husband 4 years,however, we've been together for 11 years. in the middle of our wedding plans (how convenient), he finds out he has a 4 year old child. he and I have no children together by choice, however, since finding out about this child he has been regretful in not wanting children and now wants one. Anyway, The mom of this child is a bitter female. She is angry and feels my husband doesnt do enough for his daughter. He pays child support and sees her every other weekend at our home. The child's personality fluctuates on any given day. Some visits she's very social with me, others, she's giving me the >side eyes< and its wierd because i am good to her. Well, her mom has expressed bitterness to me about the situation and i personally feel she's disqualified from feeling the way she does considering not knowing my husband was the father from the very beginning. She was married and lost her marriage after discovering she made the error of who the father was. I dont get why she isnt grateful that my husband isnt some deadbeat who would prefer to just walk away? She wants my husband to have a private relationship with his daughter away from our home. Well, that isnt her place to make that request. Second, she has no place to make requests in my marriage - which- comes FIRST. As a Christian woman, I view my marriage the way God does, (First Christ, then the man, then his WIFE and THEN the children) and at marriage, we became ONE FLESH, giving me the right to "forsake all others" so that "what God has joined together, let no "man" separate. So lets get that clear before anyone responds. the child doesnt want to come along on the Disney trip because she wants to be with her "dad only." It was the first time I ever heard she felt that way. I have taken this child shopping, I always buy her things when I buy the other kids things, I do her hair, I feed her, I never treat her partial. My husband agrees that all the children should be treated equally. I am at a point to where I am going to either call a meeting with the adults involved, or simply ask my husband to keep his child home with her manipulative mother. Thanks for listening!
You've been together for 11
You've been together for 11 years and the daughter is 4 years old? I'm guessing there was a break in that 11 years?
And the only advice I can give is to stand your ground and hopefully your DH is willing to do the same. So many of the issues on here are DHs not following through and standing up to BM and/or skids.
My SO and I ignore all of BM's demands for how we should live OUR LIFE together. He parents SD10 as he sees fit, she is constantly telling him how to do things, you need to spend more Daddy/Daughter time with SD, Hullabaloo doesn't need to be picking her up from sports (although BM has had me do the same thing when SHE needed me to), you should be doing this, buy her that, etc
It is a control thing. I get that BMs want control over their child, it can't be easy letting someone else help to raise your child. BUT that is the situation and so many of them cannot accept that this is a fact of life when it comes to step situations.
Thanks much! your response
Thanks much! your response helps! I love children so I just sucked up the hurt and decided to fight tears with love but I guess that isnt good enough. I know the feeling of having someone else in your kids' lives, I had to do that with my kids but what was most important is that their stepmom was good to them and her and I were able to have common ground. And no, my husband and I have had no breaks, he was seeing her behind my back. Thanks again!
Thanks for your reply. NO. he
Thanks for your reply. NO. he hadnt seen her in the 4 years pior to her finding him and wanting a DNA test while she was going through her divorce. regardless of how the mom feels, its my house, my marriage, and her child is a "visitor" in my eyes. My husband has no bond with his daughter because deep in his heart he wished he could turn back the hands of time but he knows he cant so he just wants to be in her life. Bottom line is, I personally dont care about her being the BM due to her shady antics, she has NO POWER other than to drag my hubby through the court system. About the Disney trip? I feel that way EXACTLY and will be taking my niece in her place. Thanks again!
In your husband's eyes, she
In your husband's eyes, she is his child and not a visitor. How does your DH feel about all of this? You seem to be discounting his feelings.
Which, personally, I don't blame you since he cheated on you and now you have to deal with the full blown evidence of his infidelity.
You may want to seek out counseling, so you're not taking your anger at your DH out on his kid. She didn't ask to be born or to be born from an affair.
As to the Disney question. It's simple. She's a child, not an adult. The adults are planning a trip to Disney, they kids are going along for the ride. She can want to have him to herself, but she is part of a family and she goes with the rest of the family. End of story.
It seems you're looking for a reason not to include her.
No jealousy here hun. The
No jealousy here hun. The problem is the BM, she's the jealous and competitive (i buy something for her daughter, she always comes back with something remotely similar) one who in fact is DISQUALIFIED from her feelings based on the fact that she ROBBED my husband of this child's first 4 years of life. I treat the child well, and no, Jesus, Son of the living God, would look to the marriage FIRST. When Abraham's wife Sarah requested he send his son Ishmael away God told Abraham to respect his wife's wishes (Genesis 21:8-21) If I wanted a child I'd have one. My "lady parts" work just fine! however, I enjoy my freedom and personal time now that my kids are teens and I have nothing to prove to anyone.
Put the bible down and answer
Put the bible down and answer the questions or we are going to stop reading and advising.
Thanks Echo! I just hate
Thanks Echo! I just hate when I read these blogs and it is crystal clear that the OPs are only looking for validation of their twisted take on things... They need to push their agendas and then they don't answer when we call them out on these things. She still hasn't come back and responded to any of the questions.
If she was such a "Christian" then she would NOT treating this innocent child (the product of her husband NOT being very "Christian" in his ACTIONS) like a visitor in her home.
She made this very messy bed (by marrying him despite the fact that he cheated on her and created life with his mistress) so now she better do the right thing and stop waiving the bible around as some kind of justification for her vile behavior.
Can I get an "AMEN"? }:)
I'm confused as well.. need
I'm confused as well.. need some kind of timeline because the way it's written, it sounds like either the kid is 4 and he cheated or she's 8 and this was before you got married?? not sure..
I thought I read that he went
I thought I read that he went behind her back and got this chick pregnant- I'm not mocking her but how is that for a christian marriage. I'm sure she is resentful- I wouldn't be bc I woulda divorced his ass so quick!
Anyway, lady you should look into therapy to work through this stuff. It's a lot to handle
I feel sorry for the kid.
I feel sorry for the kid. None of this is her fault. But... she's the one who's getting c****ed on.
I don’t even know how you
I don’t even know how you stand your DH or his kid being that the kid was creating by DH cheating on you. Wow. Skids are bad enough under “normal” circumstances but I don’t think I could tolerate your situation. Anyway, you married him and made the decision to accept the fact that he cheated on you and made a baby with the woman he cheated on you with so onto your question about Disney. The kid is a kid, it’s not her decision. The adults make the vacation plans, not the kids. If she doesn’t want to go on vacation with you and DH, then you and your DH can go on a couple’s vaca without her if she wants to act like a brat. I would not stand for that.
This sounds like ten stories
This sounds like ten stories woven into one big fake one. Sorry if its not.
And the Disney trip added in for humor. A troll?