Cell Phone Issues
I have a SD and BDs of my own. I bought my SD an IPHONE4 on my personal account so she could facetime with her sisters. They miss her so much. We only see her during the summers because we live 2000 miles away. Well, she doesn't facetime with them. She very seldom text or calls. I'm talking like 6 minutes a month. She always has over 800 minutes and over 1000 text each month.
Well, her mother is one of those.... I can't stand the selfish.... Anyways. I put a cap on her data and her minutes to people other than us. Her mom keeps calling and raising hell about this to my husband. He doesn't say anything bad about me, but he doesn't necessarily back me. In my opinion it my bill. When she buys her daughter a phone, she can make judgement calls.
Well, during this summer, my SD bought $20 worth of games without asking. Well, I took all the games off, and changed her password. Well, she went back home, and I never gave her the password. Her mom is raising hell to my husband how that is bulls*** that I did that. Well, like I said before it's my bill, when she pays for it, it's her call.
Well, my husband just says oh just call me tomorrow and we will fix it. I think that is bullsh**. I think he should tell her that it's not her call, and to back off. But I tell him this, and he just gets mad at the situation. He's mad at her, and he gets mad at me. But he can't tell me I have any reason not to be. He just says he hates this phone.
I love my SD. She is so sweet, she is just getting raised by a really stupid woman. Stealing money is what my SD did, and got punished for it. Her dad and I decided the punishment not her mom. He agreed with me during the summer, but now that her BM is all mad he is just like lets fix it.
I don't know what to do. I know he is going to fix it and that is fine. My SD just had to ask if she could have some free games. I don't appreciate her BM calling and raising hell.
How do i just not get so mad at her BM? She makes me so mad? My husband and I work fulltime and barely see our own children. She lives a totally different lifestyle with her husband, and can't do any extras. So if I can do things, it's because I love my SD. She acts like I have to because her dad is with us and not with my SD. Please help!!! I stay so mad, but I have always tried to treat her like my own. Her BM is changing that all together, and I hate it.
I have tried the southern
I have tried the southern girl charm - born and raised in the south. We used to could talk and text each other, but it has gotten so bad these past few years, that she is now blocked on my phone. I refuse for her to talk at me. She refuses to have a conversation with me anymore. My husband says it because we have a confortable life, and she is very dependant. But I chose my life path, and she chose her life path. I have been ultra sweet to this lady, but I can't anymore. My husband has to be the only one to speak with her, because she is nicer to him and just yells and talks at me. And when I tell her something she goes to my husband acting like I never said it. So I can't deal with that anymore. 9 years is enought for me.
I really wish my husband would tell her the things he tells me when he is angry about it, but he just ignores her.
She can really dictate my whole mood for days. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I wish I could just turn it off and force her mom to do it, but I love my SD and I can't do that to her..
How old is SD? Because it
How old is SD?
Because it sounds like bm is hindering SDs relationship with her dad. I'll be that's why she doesn't call or text much- she can sense and knows bm doesn't like dh and so she doesn't want to disappoint her. Read up on parental alienation syndrome.
If you are paying for the phone you have every right to put a cap on SDs minutes and not give her the password and allow her to download stuff from itunes from her phone unless she asks you.
Your dh needs to tell this woman to stop hindering his relationship with SD and that if you're paying the bill you will be making the decisions regarding the phone, and if she doesn't like it she's free to trade it for another one for SD, or she will have to make the best of it. Her call.
Maybe dh needs to get a court order in place laying out when he can talk with SD. Then, while he's chatting with her, he can put your bds on to say hi to her.
SD is 11 going on 30. I have
SD is 11 going on 30.
I have felt that way as well, but everytime we ask her she just says she is so busy. But when I talk to her she is just so bored. I just thought it was a phase. I don't know what to think. My oldest is 8, so I am not sure what 11 has in store yet.
Thanks for the references. I will be sure to read both of them.
Everytime I ask someone they agree with me about the Caps. I just don't understand why my husband and her BM differ. I think games should be a reward, whether they are free or not. If she does something good, she can have a couple of games. She shouldn't have free access to it all the time, she is 11.
Also, last year her phone was always off after school and on the weekends so we couldn't call. But hours upon hours were being used while SD was at school. So I knew it was her BM using the phone, so I put parental controls on it and blocked it from that time of day. Well, that was a huge issue. But it shouldn't be. It't not for her use. Now every now and then if her phone is dead, yeah sure. That is no big deal. That is as long as SD is talking to us, in which the phone was intended for.
The thing is, he will never stand up to her. Ever.... I don't know why or what, but it's just not going to happen. The BM says as long as he is there he can SD as much as he wants, but if he's not then it's when its convient for them. Well, we are in different time zones, and I am military so who knows where we have to move every couple of years.
He won't get a court order. He is the nonconfortational type, where I just want something done right and in an appropriate amount of time. I am strict, so I know I am a handfull, but that is just how I am. I do get angry when she tells my BDs that she will call them on Saturday at 1200, she promises. Well, my girls count down the time all excited. Well, 2 weeks later I get in touch with her and she says she forgot. But I text her and call her all day long and the day prior. We both have IPHONES so I see that she reads it, or does her BM. I just don't know.
I just wish I could make my SD see it's her choice not her BM. And I wish my emotions just didn't get so wrapped up in the way her BM makes me feel, b/c it affects me with my children. I get so angry, that I don't want to play. Or I am so upset that all I want to do is lay in my bed and cry. I just wish it didn't affect me the way it does. I wish I could fix everything, but I feel it's all out of my hands.
I can't believe BM is even
I can't believe BM is even dealing with this. All she has to do is say her daughter can't have a cell phone.
SD can use the house to speak to her dad and sisters.
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How about canceling the phone
How about canceling the phone line and using Skype to talk to her sisters?
That's what my kids did before I got them all smartphones.
See, we bought her a laptop
See, we bought her a laptop and webcam so we could skype. Well guess what, we were told that they couldn't afford for internet so it stayed in the box. We had talked to my SD and she said that her mom used the laptop and that she played games on it. No one would ever download and let her use skype. That is why we got her a phone. We asked her BM first, obviously, and she said that was a great idea b/c she didn't have a lot of minutes on her phone and we have a different network. We started off with a lil flip phone. She did great with it. She talked to us all the time. Then we got her one of those free blackberrys cause they advertised it with skype. So of course me not being all technical, I got it for her. But it was capable with skype but for international calls, not face to face. So it was good when I was deployed, but other than that. Not really a big deal. So then I forked out the $$$ and bought her an IPHONE 4 so we could all skype back and forth. That was the whole purpose of the phone. Well, she doesn't use it. Her BM says it's b/c it makes her sad. I have an IPHONE as well, so we can facetime. Yeah, it doesn't happen. I understand she young and all, but is "she" using the phone or someone else? I wouldn't have a problem with it all the usage if she just talk to us once a week or so. It doesn't have to be me at all... But usually it is. I have always been a part of her life, or it's b/c she usually talks to her mom. I'm not sure, so maybe that's why her mom is the way she is. But when she talks to me, it's usually a text and not voice. But it's usually messages like, How was your Day? How is my sisters? How is the dog? I made an A on my math test... Things like that.
And as far as her BM dealing with this. She is the one who shouldn't care about the phone. She shouldn't be concerned with how she can use it. Like I said before when her BM buys a phone, she can make judgement calls. For nearly 2 mths she didn't talk to anyone in our family. We didn't say a word. Finally my husband text the BM and asked her to have the SD call him. She said she was sorry that she didn't know she wasn't talking to him. So the SD called him. It wasn't 2 days, I mean 2 days, the BM was calling raising hell about why she, the BM, couldn't use the phone, that it wouldn't let her call her husband and the school. The thing is, he minimized her data/phone/message usage b/c we were getting low on our end and she wan't calling us anyways. I mean isn't that what parents do. I am the adult, I am paying the bill, I am not going to be without my phone type of thinking. So you see where I am concerned. I am not paying for them a cell phone. Bills are expensive enough. I am not raising my limits so they don't have a bill. They live with the GP anyways, so they don't pay rent.
But like I said I just get so mad. How does everyone just not let their emotions get so tied up in all of this? My husband says just let it go. That he doesn't care what she says. But how, we took our first alone date in over a year this weekend, and she kept calling and texting and raising hell. How am I not suppose to get all upset? We don't tell her how to be a mom. We don't tell her how to do things. She thinks she holds all the cards and can run every aspect of our lives. I mean I have been married to him for 9 years, and it just gets worse cause I finally gave up. I love my SD dearly. I wouldn't never do anything to hurt her.
Should my husband not tell
Should my husband not tell her that we run our household as a unit, to leave me out of it?
Should my husband tell her that the SD needs to address him with concerns that don't involve her?
Should my husband not tell her that he doesn't tell her how to run her house to not tell him how to run his?
Can't you call her via the
Can't you call her via the bms phone? Shes not using her minutes then. I would cancel the phone and save myself the drama.