Got a question (or more) for some of you that are more seasoned at this type of stuff. BF and I have nailed down some chores for "our" kids. Of course, being kids, they complain about it. They try to snitch on the other kids... once again normal (though I want to throw something at them when they do this)

But how do you handle when the kids are not there. I might need to explain this a little. My kids are in MY custody. They go EOW to EX-MIL from Hell ( BD's place) and it is not so much an issue. However, BF's 2 will get picked up by Mom after school and not come home until bed time on school nights. She does not have custody and is working on "sobering up". She just got unsupervised visits, but not overnights. So geez, must be nice. On her nights off from the job she just got (Taco Bell) she will pick them up and run off with 1 or both of them. Yes, not always both of them. So, 1 may get out of their chores for the night. Can't put the blame on them since "I was with Mom."

Talk about pissing me off. The other night, SS12 came home from a fun day with Mommy and thought ok, I don't have any chores. Oh, not so fast.... get those dishes done that you have not done for 2 nights!

So then he bitched the WHOLE time he was doing the dishes. He complained to my daughters "why do I have to do this? You all don't when you go to your Dad's" One of my daughter's was helping him, he was complaining to her since I left the room. He started arguments. He got on my last nerve! I mean, the girls, his sister included, had done all their chores with no complaint BEFORE he got home. He had been playing all day with his half sibs and his mother all day. He is not my kid, and BF knew of my displeasure, but did nothing... (once again, not my kid)

Ok, so he has a point. What to do???? Do you hold kids to their chores even though they were not there the whole night?

We have 1 child from each parent helping with the "big chores" but is it really fair to have 1 kid do those if the other is not there?

I guess a by the way would be, would you punish if they complain CONSTANTLY about doing the chores?

As problems go, this is pretty small. We are actually doing well and BF and I do discuss things a lot. We like to be on the same page and be a united front. I am just lacking back up for this one. I want ideas I can take to him to fix this!!!

Thanks in advance!!!