Hello! So happy to have a place to speak, I have no where to really turn to.

My partner and I have been full time parents all our lives and found each other one day. I've raised my son without my ex husband and he has raised his son without his mother. Our children are 3 and 4, both dealing with terrible talk of Me- step mom and mother, we have our children 26 days a week, and both work opposite schedules. Everything was going great, and my step son starting voicing I was his "second mom", until,one day he came home from a visitation ( he goes to see BM 2 days every two week) that I was not his second mom, his grandmother was his second mom and that he didn't have to listen or abide by my rules. It started to get terrible when I found all my clothes cut up during a time of hide and seek (I work in an office and he cut up all my work clothes with scissors he found). Then he started to destroy our things in the house and my son followed suit. It has now been 4 weeks and they have terrorized me on 4 occasions when my partner leaves. Literally, as soon as he walks out the door. BM has not been around most of his life, the last time she came home from jail she makes an effort to be there the 2 days every two weeks he visits, which is really something as far as her involvement is concerned. Grandmother is jealous and hates me, because I told her to stop face booking me about her daughter and how much she hates her. BM has supervised visitation only allowed when grandmother is there so there is no way of cutting her out. Since custody was given to my partner ( which was always his custody to begin with) BM has been around more than ever. I have raised this child for half his life, and suddenly I am a stranger. He has tried to hurt me, thrown all of his toys at me, made me bleed, and told his father he wants me gone. Recently he broke our flat screen tv, and completely destroyed the house with the help of his step brother (my son) who is following his actions. Since my partner and I work different schedules, I am alone without help. It started to get bad once my stepson starting vocalizing he only has one mom- when I have been there through thick and thin and kiss him goodnight 26 days a month. my neighbors who have children have witnessed our children's behavior once my partner leaves and are horrified. They have helped me regain control when they are on their rein of terror beyond stopping. Both my sons father and my stepsons mother are really beyond repair but our issues lie within Deprogramming our children once they come home from visitation that I am the disciplinarian when their father/step father leaves for work every night. I am against spanking but talking to them goes out the window when they get into one of their 'breaking everything fits'. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm beyond lost. Has anyone had a similar situation? Please anything, any advice- I'm afraid ill run out of the house screaming.