So I go to her and tell her she had two opportunities to say good morning
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So did your SO. Why did he not say Good Morning? Maybe she is following his lead.

Ss16 has never in the 4.5 yrs I have lived with DH and him been the first to say anything to me. He only responds in grunts to me if I first say hello or anything else. DH tried at first to get us to be nice to each other but there is just no camaraderie there. We live in a home together and he tip toes around me and I just go on with life.

Don't make her be nice, let it grow on it's own or else both your daughter and SO will start feeling resentment towards you, and you're not the bad guy. Just let their relationship grow or not grow. We cannot force our kids to like our SO. If my DH had kept his nose out of ss and my relationship I think we would have battled it out and then come to a mutual agreement of some kind. DH would always say to me "just be nice" and that made me more resentful. Then he started telling ss to "be respectful" and so ss is respectful in his way by basically ignoring me.

I've seen where he'll say hello to her but she won't say anything back
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now that would upset me. That IS disrespectful for sure.

I always thought the whole "who says hello first" argument was petty. But this above is un called for to say the least.

Bravo Amber! I wish my DH would stand up for me the way you stood up for your DH. SS6 rarely greets me and DH doesn't say anything. Children should be respectful to the adults in their lives. You are doing the right thing by teaching her how to respect her SF.

My YSD did this to me for a while and sometimes still does. I would say hello and she would just stare at me. I finally flipped out one evening and refused to come out to eat dinner with FDH and the kids because I didn't want to share a meal with someone who treated me that way. FDH was mad at first then finally understood why I was upset. He talked to her and explained that it really hurts people's feelings when they greet you and you don't respond. She said the same thing "I just don't feel like saying hello". He made it clear that it was a very mean thing to do to someone who is so good to her. It's gotten better. You just need to make it clear to her that it's totally unacceptable for her to treat the man you love that way.

Amber, yes, it's an excuse. DD is not yet comfortable AND she is a moody teen. It was rude not to speak. But expecting people to behave kind and respectful to each other is a two-way street. He ignored her too. Yes, he may not have 'seen' her, but if you excuse him then why not the daughter?

Teens are self centered creatures and what to wear to school and who is who in first hour is way more exciting to occupy one's mind at that age bracket than remembering to use manners at home. Don't let her get away with it. Your living with SO is new. It's new for him and it's new for the girls. "I didn't feel like saying hello". Pfft. Well guess what kiddo, there's plenty of times your mother doesn't feel like doing this or that either but she does.

I'd probably be more concerned if the non-speaking thing was a daily occurrence or she very openly was rude when he directly spoke to her and she blew him off. As long as she treated him with politeness and 95% of the time remembered he's not just a blob in the room, I'd be ok with it. I'd strike it up to her being a pretty normal teen. But if she deliberately is being a little turd, it's a totally different ballgame. You can't make them 'like' each other , but if the kid is living in his home, sitting at his dinner table and having her friends over to his house, deliberate snubbing and rudeness should not be tolerated.

So DD lost her cell for today (some a couple days). It won't hurt her a bit. It might open her eyes to the fact she now lives in a home with an additional person and must remember her manners and everything on social requirements Mom's taught her all her life doesn't go out the window just because 'she doesn't feel like it'. With that said, you should also remind SO he is now living with 3 additional people in his home and that if he expects to be treated with respect he too needs to show a bit of respect. Perhaps instead of speaking immediately, while one's pre-occupied and the other is 'busy' ( :? ) instead it should be expected when they come face to face or before she runs out the door they make a point of wishing each other a good day. He's got to show a willingness to want a civil respectful relationship too. It is a two-way street. I think otherwise you're going to find one person (the adult SO) waiting for DD to speak while DD is defending herself with 'he didn't speak to me either'. And she's correct in the immature teen-age head of hers. In that case, which one is wrong and which one is right?

Let them find their way. Yes, you'll have to keep an eye on the situation from afar, but as SO isn't usually up in the morning when you 3 are, it isn't a normal routine for either one of them. Personally I think you need to watch this from all directions and in every setting. When he walks in the house in the evening, does he make a point of speaking to everybody? Does she respond? If one or the other asks the other a question or tries for a conversation at the dinner table, is it a to-way both trying and showing respect?

I wouldn't judge either one of them based on a one morning atypical morning. It's the situation as a whole I think you need to focus on and see that both teen and SO need to work on getting use to new people living together. They'll either build a relationship or they won't, but you being in the middle means you won't allow either one of them to mistreat and be disrespectful. You can't put all the expectations on DD and give SO a free pass. It actually sounds like he likes the girls and is willing to be kind and considerate (the car at 16 bit)...give them some time. They may actually find their way on their own. But no, you won't tolerate rudeness and disrespect on either of their parts. They may never 'like' each other, the important thing will be that they co-exist in a civil acceptable manner. She can't treat him like dog poo and he can't sit back and expect a teen-ager to make every first move. Teens are scary creatures. They're moody, forgetful and self centered. Seriously, teens forget their manners with their own parents sometimes. They aren't perfect. It would be when the 5% of the obnoxious teen turns into more than 5% I'd say there is a problem. If it's just the occasional 5%, I'd say you're doing a decent job with the kid and she's still struggling with being a teen and her new living situation but 'working' at it.