Daddy's spoiled brat
I started dating my boyfriend 5 years ago. When we first got together we introduced our kids to each other right off the bat. His daughter was 6 at the time and my son was 3. My son's father left the picture when he was 2 years old. My boyfriends daughter has her mother in her life but i was told when we first met she wasn't around much and he had her pretty much full time. So I welcomed the little girl into me and my son's life with open arms. My son was so happy to have around. At the time we had her 5 days out of the week and I started to notice how spoiled she was. She didnt have to eat if she didnt want to. She got candy whenever she wanted. Stayed up till whatever time she wanted. She would tattle on my son for things she would set him up to do most of the time. He would never discipline her even when she would lie he would believe her. So her stay went from 5 days a week in my home to 3 days eventually turning into just the weekends. When the daughter would come over on the weekends she wanted her dad all to herself. She would always say rude things to me. Tell me how she likes her moms clothes much better then mine. She never wanted to play with my son. She would come over with two cupcakes for her and her dad. She would be rude to my mother and everybody else in my family. She would make up lies about my son all the time, and it didnt matter bc my boyfriend would believe her and scream at me in front of her. Anytime she was in the wrong for doing something Id tell her to never do it again and my bf would defend her and flip out on me. For instance she was jumping on my couch after i just yelled at my son for doing it and her dad stepped in and saved her. So she learned from a very early age how to treat me. From 7 to 9 she spent alot more time with her mom bc my bf and i were fighting about her alot and i kinda didnt want her around much anymore. Me my boyfriend and my son would be fine all week until she would come on the weekends and then all hell would break lose. His daughter would come over and tell me things taht she wasnt "supposed" to tell me about her dad almost as if i would get upset and leave him and she would win. She is always in competition with my son to get her dads attention when her dad loves her more then anything and were all aware of it my kid could care less about who my bf loves he knows that isnt his dad. This girl is so spoiled always asking for things behind my back trying to make him feel guilty bc my son has nice stuff. I tried to make her realize that when shes here with us we will get her things but when shes with her mom, her mom can buy those things. She'll still ask her dad behind my back. Anything new me or my son gets she comes over and asks her dad for say a phone case cus i got a new one. I cant stand her. I dont know what to do. The kid is getting older she is 11 yrs old now and she still doesnt like me. She always tries to put me down and tell me how she doesnt like what im wearing or my makeup or what im listning to on the radio. Funny thing i found out she likes the rapper Drake who I love so i made her some cds and i played them in the car and she just doesnt care. Im trying to get on this kids level and im afraid its too late. Alls ive ever try to do was blend a family together for all of us to feel loved. And she refuses it and just wants her dad. Her dad is finally after all these years bonding more with my son and sticking up for him and putting his daughter in her place and it still doesnt make a difference.. Her Mom doesnt correct her for anything she does and i know this has alot to do with her behavior. Its so ahhhhhh frusterating. Any advice??????
Your bf is the problem. He
Your bf is the problem. He has allowed her to be rude, disrepsectful and ignorant. In fact I would go further than that and say he has nutured and encouraged it through his behaviour.
He has undermined you and taught his DD to treat you with distain, like you are a disposable toy.
Now at 11 he has decided to parent her?!! :jawdrop: Better late than never I guess, however her formative years have passed and it always angers me when I see permissive parents who then do a 360 degree turn, by deciding to suddenly change their expectations with their children and who are angered when their children stuggle or plain just dont *get* the new rules they are expected to abide by. Um, its simple. Be consistent and clear from word go, not set your kids up to fail.
Not really sure how you can undo the damage your bf has done and still IS doing.
Personally I have learnt a hard lesson and realise the only way to actually get a guilty daddy to listen is through your actions. Meaning in your shoes neither would be invited to my home unless they abided by MY rules...jumping on your settee? HELL NO. They would have been shown the door....bf shouting at you in front of his DD? Like F*ck. Again get out or if you are his home LEAVE. Switch your phone off until he grovels and changes. Coming over with enough treats to share with everyone yet sd doesnt? Two can play at that game and I would be whipping up some delicious cookies AND cakes, guess what? SD nor bf wouldnt be permitted to have any and just for kicks I would be telling bf that if he pulled that shit ever again then the door would be meeting his and sd face as you shut the door on them.
You see YOU set the bar how you expect to be treated. Sure, your bf can disagree with it however in my book that would lead me to leave, not be in his or sd presence until he learnt that was non negotiable.
He doesn't respect you and
He doesn't respect you and allows his child to disrespect you.
Why have you stayed with this man?
It's only going to get worse,
It's only going to get worse, wait till she hits the teens......... Just be honest with your bf and tell him exactly how you feel, when she gets 14 or 15 u r gonna wish u left a long time ago
THIS^^ At 14 they are
THIS^^ At 14 they are horrible creatures.
Either bf gets her under control or you need to think of alternatives to your living situation. I think the latter is more likely.
Stop trying to be nice to her. All your doing is letting her treat you bad. Stop expecting bf to stick up for you. He isn't going to. Stick up for yourself. When the little snot starts with you. put her in her place and then flat out ignore her the rest of the time.
SD16 used to do that attitude crap with me and basically gave her the "fuck off" attitude. Don't talk to me if you are going to be a snot and just stay away. What does a spoiled teenage brat hate worse than anything? No attention! They are attention whores. So, you act like she doesn't exist and you don't care.
Next time she wants to comment on your hair or make-up tell her "Why would I want a child's opinion, go bother your dad"
I'm serious. Your body language in "fuck off" mode will tell her a lot. Just tell her to stay away from you.
Walk. Away. Now. She doesn't
Walk. Away. Now.
She doesn't win. She loses having you in her and her father's life. It wasn't until someone pointed out to me that I am a really nice person and I don't have to put up with crap in my life that I started standing up for myself. And it is time for you to as well. You OWE your son some peace in his highschool years. Because all this girl will need is to see your BF being buddy/buddy with your son and she may just accuse your son of sexual abuse.
If you insist on remaining in his life tell your BF one of you needs to move out. Then he can parent his daughter as he sees fit and you don't have to watch it. Not being around her will make your life SO much better! And let her father deal with his lazy parenting on his own. He deserves far worse.