Dealing with GF's son
Hi there.
First time I have ever posted anything, or joined any other blog for the matter.
Im just at a loss. I have my two toddler children fulltime, who are very awesome. Very well behaved, about every thing you could ask for in a child for the most part.
My girlfriend has two children as well, one toddler, and one 7 year old boy.
Girlfriend is fantastic, everything I could ask for in a woman, just one problem so far which has me sometimes thinking what i'm getting into, though we have only been together a short while.
her son, I think for the most part, is a pretty good kid, he has great table manners, plays alone, isnt very needy. He just simply DOES NOT LISTEN!! to her, or me. I can understand me, I am the new guy. His father isnt in his life at all.
It doesnt matter how you discipline him, taking things away, spanking, whatever. he just talks back terribly, whines and crys if he does not get his way. He just simply does not seem to have any logical reasoning issues. Example. You can tell him if he does not stop banging on the wall, you are going to take something from him, or even smack his bottom. He will literally smile at you, and continue banging on the wall. Then you take said object, or smack his bottom, he has a complete meltdown, then 5 minutes later does the exact same thing.
Bed time is the worst, I literally want to pull my hair out. I just wonder if he is simply a bratty 6 year old kid? or If there is anything at all I can do to help or get him to understand reason?
I know im rambling. My biggest fear is just that his actions will rub off on my son, which hell will freeze over if that happens. I just want to help him learn and grow up to be a good man, which he has never had a man in his life teach him these things. and admittedly, she has told me before that most of her relationships have ended simply because of the male not being able to deal with the son.
Like I said though, generally, and as far as typical manners go, hes not that bad, and hes actually a very lovable kid when hes acting right, which is unfortunatly only a few hours of the day, if that. its just the constant not following very simple directions, backtalking, and whining that are taking me to my whits end sometimes.
I thought I would take a stab for some input. I have pretty much decided im not going to smack him anymore, even though his mother is perfectly fine with it. I just dont feel right doing it, so im going to try the taking things away, and rewarding good behavior, so maybe he will begin to learn some new system or something, i really dont know.
I appreciate all of the
I appreciate all of the input. Im really going to try the taking things away. His mom at times, even when I have asked what would happen if I do a certain type of punishment, she says he will just throw a tantrum and its not worth it. He is somewhat ADD or something i think, he takes medication for it, and sees a counselor at school.
I do just think he is used to getting his way with alot of things. And ill admit I have a short fuse for bratty little kids, its just that Im not used to it, since my two children are very well behaved, they have always just simply listened to me for some reason lol.
Ill give it some time, and I really like the "laughing it off" idea. he is just used to getting the "furious" reaction from us when he melts down. But there was one day where I had a very good conversation with him in my truck when his mom was in the store. Im trying to play the "older brother" card with him. Get him to understand he is the oldest and needs to set a good example for the 3 youngins. Because his behavior is so much worse than the other 3 which are half his age. It worked for one night, and that's about it.
Thank you all for the input, im going to talk with his mom tonight about our new approach. I know it will be hard for her, because she is just used to yelling at him and smacking him, which has worked for her, for the most part. I just dont like smacking kids, I rarely smack my own, and it tears me up inside when I have to smack him, because its the only way he listens, 1/4 of the time anyway.
I really think she will be onboard with the laughing it off thing, and for some reason I think thatll work with him. Bedtime is just the worst, when im worn out, and my fuse is extremely short. Tonight im going to tell him if he doesnt relax and go to bed, ill take away his leapfrog game system thing until saterday, if he is behaved.
thanks all, ill keep you posted.
definitely try this.. the
definitely try this.. the yelling obviously isnt working. My SD was like this at that age... no spanking or yelling would do a damn thing. So we started literally throwing her stuff away. It got so bad we actually threw her christmas tree away. Yup, that one hurt. I can tell you if you stick with the losing things that matter AND rewarding for good behavior it will eventually work (or it did for us)It got to the point once where all that was in her room was her bed and dresser- at this point we weren't throwing them away, just merely making her lose things for a while and then earning them back. That didnt mean anything to her for her room to be empty. That is when we had enough and started throwing it away. I think the realization that it was final did it for her. When she saw her tree go into the trash can, something switched. It was still the saddest thing I have ever seen, but it was necessary- really changed things for her.
Man it sounds even more evil typed out!
Derb, its funny you mention
Derb, its funny you mention that. The other day I actually told him I was going to start throwing anything away he left on his bedroom floor before he went to bed. (I spent several hours that day cleaning his entire room, because we got new bunk beds for him and my son) Guess what, since then, his room as remained spotless, so maybe that will actually work. I haven't been there since yesterday morning but i will be returning tonight, it will be interesting to see how his room looks.
The more I think about it, I really do think this will work lol. When I was cleaning his room he was throwing fits over simple things I was throwing away, like sucker wrappers, or meaningless papers, because he said he wanted to keep them.
Ill give you all an update tomorrow. And thanks for all the input, for being the first forum ive ever posted anything on, I didnt except to get so much good advice.
I immediately thought of
I immediately thought of mental problems here. Frankly you don't need this as whatever is going on is not going to be easily fixed. Find a woman with normal kids or better yet no kids - date her until your kids are grown then marry her.