I really just need to vent about my situation. Very confused and frustrated! I have been with my BF for a little over a year now. The mistake we made was moving in together way to soon after we started dating. The back lash is terrible and something I didn't expect because everything seemed so great in the beginning.

I have 4 kids. 3 girls ages 16,9 and 7. And 1 son age 13. My oldest has a different father than my other 3 and is hardly around. She just got her license and goes to school in another town and her friends are her life right now so she mostly lives with her bio dad. My son is 13!! He is at his worst right now and mostly stays at his dads as well. He comes every other weekend when he feels like it. Which is totally fine with me. My little girls have a set schedule every other weekend and half the week every week. Ok so there it is. I am not the greatest mother. I tell my friends and family I can barely stand my own kids How am I supposed to stand someone elses?? although I keep them safe and fed, meet all their needs and spend quality time with them when I have them. They just drive me crazy sometimes.

My BF has two kids. a bio son age 9 and his step daughter with his ex wife age 11. His ex wife is currently fighting him in court over custody of his son. She wanted him to have no time with their son. But once he finally won some time, she sends her daughter every time he gets his son! That just trips me out! His son is not that bad at all. And yet he still gets on my nerves. I hate the youtube junk he watches on the living room TV. I hate all the paper he wastes making paper airplanes and the millions of pieces of cut up paper I have to clean up in his room. But his step daughter! I feel she will always be impossible to love. She thinks she is an adult. Likes to boss every one around, she's an attention seeker. I don't know why she comes with us. She acts miserable every time she comes and she takes it out on my 9 year old every single time. They are both pretty head strong and they constantly butt heads. I am not sure what it is they just DO NOT like each other at all and get into it every weekend we have them both.

Of course I want to protect my child and feel that since his child is older she is responsible for the bad behavior because she is able to dominate manipulate and persuade my girls and also I've watched her personality. I've watched her try to intimidate my youngest daughter for asking her to share some beef jerky by giving her a dirty look. I've seen her give my 9 year old attitude because she was jealous that my daughter and her little brother got along so well. However he says that my child is just as bad as his, his child is just better at it. He knows his daughter has behavioral issues and I know my daughter does to. We both know our kids are not happy in this current situation.

the other night we decided to take off the filter and tell each other exactly how we feel about each others kids. To get it out of our systems. In the privacy of our bedroom, just the two of. He thinks all my kids are ugly and that they are all going to amount to nothing. That I have babied them all to much and they are dummies. I think his daughter is a little b!tch and I don't want her around my girls to negatively influence them and I think his son is ugly looks just like the mom and I don't believe he is even his real son. It felt good to let it out for both of us. Felt therapeutic. But now what do we do??

Do we stay together because we love each other and we have a great time when it's just the two of?? I love being with him. I look forward to our alone time. No matter what we are doing. But once the kids all come I find myself feeling miserable. We have talked about living separately and only seeing each other when we don't have our kids. But what's the point?? I think if we don't face it now, keep trying to blend this family and we start going backwards by doing what we should have done in the beginning We are just dooming any chance of a future together. We've already made so many mistakes because we were both selfish, I don't want to hurt my kids more by changing things up on them again. He says if I love him I need to love his kids and try harder with them. I don't think I will ever love his kids... And he says he can't be around my kids more than he has to. I don't want to let him go, But I feel like for both our children's sake we should just walk away from each other...

On top of all this we have our own relationship and financial issues we have been dealing with. As a consequence of moving on with each other to soon after our previous relationships ended. I just barely learned I have PTSD from my cheating, emotionally abusive ex husband of 14 1/2 years. We are broke because he pays a crap load of CS and alimony. So there's some resentment that his ex wife refuses to work and is sitting pretty with all his money while we struggle. Obviously that's not every single detail of our life. There is still some good in our relationship. I do still believe he is a good man. We just cant seem to see eye to eye on anything these days. any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.