DH is pissing me off!
I have been MOM to his 6 year old daughter since she was 2. At that time he had 50/50 custody and when she was 4 we had 100% custody and bio mom had supervised visitation. now bio mom is bat s**t crazy we recieved full custody and had her put on supervised visitation because we PROVED she was coaching my SD to lie about my DH abusing her. Now a couple years have passed with my SD in therapy and in this time (and before) SD has said she wishes I was her real mom and asked to call me MOM, she has been calling me mom for a long time now and normally I would say I dont think its a good idea but I have been this child mother more than her bio mom has. bio mom put our family through HELL and back! fighting her in court defending my DH against her false accusations and further I have put in countless hours and sleepless nights on his court case. In the end we won but not after going into tremendous debt with lawyer fees and having to file bankruptcy. Now bio mom has limited unsupervised visitation and my DH seems to let her have her way all the time to not rock the boat. If she misses her scheduled visitation he lets her make it up (not a big thing if it was once in a while but its all the time!) there are other examples but I dont have the time or energy to write them now. My hatred for this woman is bottomless, I dont feel he should be so accomidating especially after what she put us through! We have been fighting about it a lot and he feels I should forgive her and move on! Even went as far to say if I cant get over my hatred for her we shouldnt be together! WTF!? I fought harder for him and his daughter than he even did! He knows the Hell we went through and I feel its crazy of him to expect me to just "get over it". Am I nuts? or is he?!
I agree, and have told him
I agree, and have told him that only to be called vindictive and unable to get past my anger! Damn right I cant! I really dont see how he can just "get over" being falsely accused of abuse! So frustrating. We have a 21 month old DD together also or else I woudl probably leave at this point. We have a couples therapy appointment on Monday and Im hoping we can resolve a few issues there :/
Have a serious discussion
Have a serious discussion with DH and come from the grounds that you love your SD and want what's best for her: consistency, predictability, family, etc. Come to an agreement on what is best for the child (lead him
and then once that is established, then bring up the things that you can do better in your household to facilitate that outcome. Then move on to BM.
Been there honey! And you
Been there honey! And you need to make him give him no choice respect you. And since you sacrificed for love to help him with this case, to help him win is case! He would stck to it not for BM, but for boundaries that do not cause more stress for you! I too have been called a hateful bitch because it is very wrong to fight for him and his child. And then he would bow to here immature, irresponsible behavior. And you can bet BM knows what she is doing. And she is betting on it causing problems. I know it is hard but either you are the other half of him. And the two of you are on the same page or not! Take it from someone who kept thinking it would change and although we made it 20 years! It has caused horrible problems for us our children and SS with grand kids now! I Love My Husband but if I had it to do over, would've demanded out the gate me or her! Or left and never looked back. Best wishes stick to your guns and don't back down you will be glad later. I promise ugh
I too battled for custody of
I too battled for custody of my DH two children 1 boy 1 girl . We are still in debt from this. Yet my DH will not allow me to make decisions regarding them because he believes I hate his daughter. He tries to manipulate me to do things the way he wants them. He too does things to not have to fight with the ex. I also went thru the "hate" issue. I believe now that I spent to much time and energy hating. The issue is not how much you hate her. The best thing I did for myself was to come to a place where I could accept rather than hate. Tough but worth it. I believe my issue is with my DH. Not his ex and definitely not his children. Maybe this is your issue too??? At this point I am deciding where to go from here. But I know that my issues are with him now. Before they were with my hatred for his ex. But if you can let go of the hate, you may find yourself feeling a lot healthier. Do it for you, for your SD.