Does anyone else feel on a roller coaster?
Well, basically my 2 DDs 15 and 13 as well as my SD12 and SS8 are here half the week and at their other homes half the week. My DH when there are no kids here acts wonderfully, fun, good mood, relaxed, attentive, etc. As soon as kids hit the scene..... it's like he doesn't know me, hates the world and is a million miles away. I feel like crap every week, same scenario. I've tried explaining it to him, he doesn't see it. I've even threatened to video tape him!! Some of it, yes I can completely understand things are different when there are more people in the house that need your time and attention, but why if kids are gone he can sit on the couch and put his arm around me, if kids are here, either I don't get to sit on the couch because SS is up DHs ass or when I am able, DH doesn't touch me at all. What is the difference. There are other things too. The thing is I can easily go between paying attention to kids and DH, he simply can't. He doesn't know how to include everyone, pay attention to everyone and it gets frustrating when it seems like he doesn't even want to be here. Anyway, this is just a little vent. I have other things under my skin, but don't want this to be too long. I was just wondering if I'm crazy or if this happens in other peoples houses.
I just posted something
I just posted something similar. How my husband changes when my kids come over. It's annoying.
I feel like I'm on a roller
I feel like I'm on a roller coaster in the sense that one skid weekend will go well and I start to think things are getting better, but then the next weekend goes terribly and I feel lost again.
^^^ THIS
^^^ THIS
My DH used to do this EOW
My DH used to do this EOW when YSD was here. It seriously felt like they were the lovers and I was a third wheel. Uncomfortable. Frustrating (especially during the visits that YSD wasn't all that nice to me, and DH didn't so much as acknowledge that to me let alone show support)
DH's thinking however was this; he saw me all the time and her only EOW and one evening a week so on her time he was 100% focused on her. Add to that a guilty Disney dad living in fear of pissing his kids off in any way in case they would walk out of his life, ya, he was focused on doing nothing but catering to her and kissing her butt the entire time she was here
He was very much like your DH - unable to simply go back and forth in conversation, attention, focus on both of us so simply placed me on the back-burner the whole time, then, just like your Dh would try to 'make it up to me' by being super attentive and loving once SD was gone
Also, wondering if your DH is worried his kids will get jealous of you and worried they won't want to come back,so like my DH, would cater to YSD completely at my expense...almost as if he might score bonus points with her by doing that
There is a lot of reasons why our DH's do this, not necessarily because they don't care for us, but because they don't live in constant fear of us walking out of their lives if we don't get what we want the way many skids do
It took a lot of communicating to DH how I felt, stressing that I did not appreciate being ignored like I didn't exist EOW, and especially when he expected me to fall over back-wards cooking, and kissing up to his daughter the whole time. Expressed that I saw no reason why he couldn't treat everyone like they mattered, sure the purpose of the visit was for them to spend time together but if he wanted me to be a part of that, he better start treating me like I was a part of it
When DH realized I was just going to go out and spend the whole weekend with my friends and family instead, he started to smarten up and make an effort
To this day when YSD visits (she is practically 30 and lives out west, visiting once or twice a year now) he makes a huge fuss over her - as do I as I truly do like her and enjoy her visits - but he has come a long way and being considerate and respectful of me as well
In my case communication was the key....perhaps the video you show your husband of his behavior will be the best way to communicate it, he can't argue with that!