The same reason teenagers treat us like crap.  You are his safe place.  He is lashing out at you because he knows you will take it and stay, the same can't be said for everyone else in his life.  My ex was very much the same, hence, ex.

I read somewhere that people with bipolar put on a nice face in public then will lash out at their spouse when at home. It is a common thing bipolar people do to release their pent up rage because they feel safe with you.

I wonder if my DH is bipolar.

My DH uses me as the scapegoat for his bad feelings. I swear he goes looking for a fight sometimes because he wants me to get upset and vent because he’s too uptight and insecure to say things himself. 

Other people on here have suggested that he projects his bad feelings into me thus making me out to be the evil SM. Think about the commonly heard “you don’t like my kids.”

I am pretty sure those are the whys. I’ve only been moderately successful in getting it to stop. 

a pussy with absolutely everyone else, but nasty with me and the (grown) kids. It's especially infuriating to see him literally shake dealing with his mother. So wimpy. But he's raging bull with me if I ask him where the scissors are. He's gotten infinitely better since we're empty nesters and I'm free to leave whenever I want, he and his FOO have this delusion that they're some great companions, but they have no friends. I often remind him, I don't need YOU, YOU need me. But that just "makes" him behave, rather than him being decent from the heart. I might just end up leaving. I'm so proud of my 36 year Catholic marriage, but it doesn't define me. I deserve to be happy.

show, teaching other people the "how" and "why." LOL

It's one of those marital mysteries.

All joking aside, as many have pointed out, many of  these men are afraid of offending, and therefore losing their kids. They don't fear losing their wives as much as they do their kids (who in most cases don't even care about them anyway).

It is nonetheless, perplexing, but something many of us can relate to.

WOOOOWWWWW....what an eye opening questions. I have never even thought of this before but it is totally my life.

My DH takes shit from EVERYONE...especially BM and skids...but also he's a people pleaser at work and would never dare speak up....I literally breath the wrong way and he's all offended and mad...wow I really never saw this before. But it's crystal clear....he lets BM treat him AND his kids AND his mom like shit.....but I'm not allowed to do anything but be happy with a permanent smile on my face.

if anyone knows the answer I  need to know it too.

It's kind of the same principle of when you tell your SO something but they won't actually listen to you or consider your solution but when it comes from an outside source, they are all for it.

He is comfortable and confident with you. He has no balls with anyone else. which pretty much sums up the status of his manhood.

He has none.

Move on. Find a mate worthy of you.