Dont want my SD around
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How do i tell my partner that i dont want his daughter in MY full time care? he works 50 hour weeks and i am expected to do everything for her as well as my 2 kids.
She is a lot of work and im over it to be honest. I was never asked about having her full time he just organised it with his ex and i was dumped with all the work.
Her mum wants her back now but he wants to fight for day to day care. I dont want to go through all that as i dont want to be responsible for her and i dont want to waste all that money on lawyers.
Anyone else in my position?
I am sorry you are going
I am sorry you are going through this. You know, some say to us "you knew he had kids when you married"...which of course is true. It's almost as if YOU are changing the game after you decided to play, but in reality you are not. You knew he had kids, but you ALSO knew that the kid lived with the BM and your DH had visitation. THEY changed the rules of the game after you decided to play...ie. they changed to you being the caretaker full-time when that is NOT what was happening when you signed-up to play. I wish I could tell you how to handle it, but I haven't been through this...I know I would have flipped.
That's a tough one. Yes, you
That's a tough one. Yes, you knew he had kids when you married him etc., but he's basically fighthing for YOU to watch his child all week, and it doesn't sounds as if that's what you signed up for! No advice, but do want to wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you and DH have a heart-to-heart talk in your near future.
HE wants to fight for DAY TO
HE wants to fight for DAY TO DAY CARE? Excuse me shouting but your post made me see red. If he works a 50 hour week, it is not him but you who provides the day to day care.
Therefore, it is you who should be deciding whether you want to fight for care that you are going to be providing, not him.
If I were you I would tell him just that, and say what you have said here - that you do NOT want to care for his daughter full time, and she can either go back to her mother, or he can make arrangements to care for her himself.
Agreed!! I've said to my FDH
Agreed!! I've said to my FDH - I signed up as a partner to you NOT as a babysitter to your kids...if that's what you want / need then hire one.
A classic case of where they
A classic case of where they expect SM to take all the responsibilty but none of the authority.
I dont care if you knew he had kids or not, that doesnt automatically make you responsible for them.
I have told him that i cant
I have told him that i cant do this and his go to response was "dont make me choose between you and my daughter cos you wont win". Yet up until very recently he had been telling me that his daughter being here was entirely up to me as i would be the one doing all the caring.
I dont want him to chose but at the same time i feel that i have been put in a really shitty position. I feel if i tell him no i dont want to care for her that he will just up and leave me.
He also said that if we split he cant have his daughter cos he knows he cant handle working a 50 hour week and then caring for her by himself. Funny how its ok for me to look after 3 kids under the age of 5 by myself though.
The hardest part is that i
The hardest part is that i never get a break because her mother lives 10 hours away and hasnt seen her in 2 months. Not even a txt to ask how she is.
Sadly your partner is using
Sadly your partner is using emotional blackmail on you and this is not a good recipe for a successful relationship. I don't often say this on this forum but I advise you to end the relationship. This is no basis for long term happiness.
Shes leaving tonight. as bad
Shes leaving tonight. as bad as i feel for him im glad SD is going back to her mums.
im new here, I have a very
im new here, I have a very similar situation at home, and it is draining, exhausting and incredibly frustrating. in my case it has been going on for over 6 years now. My husband got diveorced when SD was 2. i got divorced when my son was 2. we met when the kids were 5 and 6, we got married a year after. we both have full custody of our children. when i got married, my SD had a lot of visitation with her BM but then for many issues and long stories tha had to stopt (mom was and is not well mentally).
now my marriage hit rock bottom because of the difficulties of stepparenting. SD was under my care 24/7. hubby prefered not to face things (like a girl who needed love because mom was not around..and she got quite F&^%UP).
now, it has been 6 years of this and we are at the edge of disolving our family . i truly believe that if the couple is not communicating well and openly in a blended family situation, there is no future for the family. I also have a son, a lovely boy who has been a trooper over the years keeping the good behavior and a good outlook in life while the energy got darker and the air got thicker in the house.
i need advice, i need advice from the heart on how to keep my family together. im exhausted and out of gas. i know how hard it is and honestly that is not what i need ot hear, i need ot hear things that work for some of you, things that helped your relationship with your hubbies and your biological children that curiously end up in the middle of this...when they are truly not in the "middle" of anything.
thank you in advance for your invaluable help.
dalhia
IM sorry you are going
IM sorry you are going through this and your husband is unwilling to help.
I dont have much advice as i lost the plot and told him his daughter had to go. Also said if that ment me leaving i didnt care as i was well and truly over it all.
She only went home yesterday and we talked a lot last night. he assures me that the end decision for his daughter to go home was his as he knew he couldnt deal with her on his own. He has assured me that he wont become resentful towards me for the decision he had to make but i am very weary. I think eventually no matter how hard he tries he will start to resent me as my children will still be here but his wont.
Time will tell what will happen in our relationship.