for those of you who want some context, i got inspired to make this post because of a youtube video i just watched. i was just going to make this a youtube comment, but that doesn't do it justice. so i am making a forum post about it. the video that sparked this discussion will be linked under this paragraph.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UmTN1zb2Ak

INTRODUCTION

I'm  a 23 year old man now. This all began around early 2006 when i was living with my mom and two of my brothers. i am 4 years younger than my brothers and they are twins. i was 10 years old at the time. my mom started to invite this guy over from time to time. apparently my brothers didn't really like him, but i can't remember why, or if there was a reason to begin with. eventually we started visiting his home. he lived in a house with his daughter and 3 sons. i guess it was kinda fun to hang out with them sometimes because i had nothing better to do, and they had a game cube. the more i got to know them the more i realized how weird they were. by the way, if i ever talked about how weird they were or stuff that seems negative, know that i am not making fun of them or bashing them. this all happened a long time ago and i don't really feel bad about anything that happened.

Current Players: mom, momBF (mom's boyfriend), bro1 (older twin), bro2 (younger twin), ssis (step sister), me, sbro1 (oldest step brother, sbro2, sbro3.

so my two brothers are 4 years older than me, ssis is 2 years older than me, sbro1 is 1 or two years younger than me (it's hard to remember, but probably 2 years), sbro2 is 4 years younger than me, and sbro3 is 5 or 6 years younger than me (probably 5).

unfortunately, sbro3 had some pretty bad mental issues. it didn't take too long to notice a while after i met them.
can't remember many defining details about sbro2. i think he smiled and laughed a lot. like more than usual, but not something you would notice unless you lived with him. or maybe i'm just remembering it wrong.
sbro1 was actually adopted, which we would find out later on when my mom was gossiping like a moron. it is an understatement to say that he had some weird tendencies.
i was the cowardly idiot.
ssis was annoying, manipulative, emotional, etc.
bro2 the moron with anger management issues.
bro1 kind of an asshole.

anyways, we met them and spent time with them in their house over a period of some months before i learned that my mom and their dad bought an even bigger house and we were all forced to live there together for about 2.5 years.
i found out about this like a couple of months before my grade 5 year ended which would be my last year in elementary school before advancing to middle school for grade 6.

i had turned 11 years old right around the time this happened. honestly, they were simultaneously the best and the worst years of my sub 18 life (i'm 23 now). it was awesome at first because before that house, i was living in a small apartment sharing a room with two of my brothers. so this house was fucking massive by comparison. i remember getting lost a lot of times inside of the house. ssis didn't move in with us at first, so i was the only one who had my own room which was awesome, aside from being able to hear my mom having sex in the next room.

that's not all. the house we moved into was in an early development area. so there were unfinished houses and unfinished roads EVERYWHERE for kilometers. this made the perfect conditions for exploration. do you have any idea how fun it was being an 11 year old and exploring undeveloped areas? we pretty much owned the place since we were one of the first families to move into that neighborhood and there were barely any other people walking around. there were also a ton of massive dirt hills that we climbed sometimes. since there was still a good amount of construction going on, the construction workers would often put these wooden sticks into the ground to help mark the pipes beneath the ground. like water pipes, gas pipes, etc. it was fun to pull those sticks out and use them to play sword fighting and act like travelers. don't worry, we didn't pull out too many, and we put some of them back. we also snuck into unfinished homes sometimes. every day was an adventure and we spent the majority of every day exploring and walking around. it wasn't all fun though.

my three step bros were extremely messy and such liars. they would literally throw garbage all over the house floors, and around outside of the house and lie about it. it was mainly those cheap ass muffins you see at the store, or used to see. they would often just bite off the top and throw the bottom part with the muffin cup on the floor, under tv stands and such, or finish the entire muffin and do the same with the muffin cup. often times we would all get in trouble for the mess that they caused, and they would NEVER own up to it probably mostly because their father was almost psychotic in disciplining and scolding us. i'll give an example of this below.

Example:
like.... the house is huge right? so one time their father was in the kitchen, i was in the basement with my friend and one of my brothers. so my friend was a friend that my brothers and i had from our old city where we used to live. we would often tell my friend how insanely angry their father could get and he never believed it. so we were in the basement, and momBF was in the kitchen with sbro3. momBF got so mad at him for some reason that he started yelling at him. i shit you not, everyone in the basement flinched because of how fucking loud he was yelling. my friend was scared out of his fucking mind. my other brother and his friend came inside the house from THE FRONT YARD, and when we told them about the situation, the friend that was with my brother outside was freaking out too because he thought the yelling was coming from guys across the street or whatever. and the kitchen, where momBF was yelling was in the back of the house, furthest away from the front yard. later when we found out why sbro3's dad was yelling at him it's because he didn't clean his room properly.

anyways, so i can't remember exactly how this started, but one day bro2 was making a big fuss about how someone threw a muffin cup under the backyard deck. obviously it wasn't either me, bro1, or him, because this kind of thing was foreign to us. never in our lives did we have any recollection of these kinds of actions being done by either one of us. so the logical conclusion is that it was one of our three step bros. the problem is that we kept getting in trouble whenever they did shit like this. it was annoying, but i don't remember caring too much about the mess they made, unless i was actually forced to clean it.
so bro2s bright idea was force them to strip naked and stand outside in the backyard until one of them confessed to throwing the muffin cup under the deck. no one admitted to doing it, but bro1 gave up a long while after they started crying.
i was probably compelled to just stand there and watch. there was nothing better to do, and it was a situation that could potentially affect me, so whatever. did i feel bad about it? i can't remember, but i know for sure that i was relieved that i didn't have to put up with bullshit from my older brothers anymore though. it's not like i could have done anything about it anyways. the most immediate feeling was probably that it was better them than me. i was forced to put up with a lot of bullshit for years before moving into that house.

my point is that this kind of blended family may seem awesome on the outside, but on the inside it's a total mess, and it got soooo much worse. especially for me. lucky me.

GRADE 6

about a month or so after that, ssis moved into the house and school was just about to start up. bro1 moved to live with his father for a year in a different city. he visited on weekends sometimes i think. almost immediately i had to put up with ssis's bitchy attitude because as soon as the school bus dropped us off and we got home, she forced me to go back out to the bus stop and wait for her younger brothers so that i could walk them back. i was going to the same middle school as ssis, but she was a third year (grade and i was a first year (grade 6). i was also forced to listen to her talk extreme shit about my mom over a situation that went down in the house one time.

also it was a brand new school so the students of that first year were the first students to attend the school. also also, the area of the city i was living in wasn't too multicultural. the problem is that it wasn't canadian culture. so the majority of the people in my neighborhood, and the majority of the people in my school were all part of the same or similar culture, where they had this sort of kinship going on where they would speak their main language all of the time with each other.
lucky me, people with similar or the same background as me were almost completely opposite minded to me. i was pretty much the only person in the entire CITY with the mindset that i had. oh, how wonderful it was to be me. i made almost no friends at all, and even the friends i did make couldn't actually connect with me. it also didn't help that i was kind of a dumbass with absolutely no social skills, no ambition, no source of inspiration, or anything at all. oh how wonderful it was to be me. what a fantastic childhood.
well there was this one weird guy in the same grade as me, who was strangely extremely perverted towards me. i never understood why. he would literally lick my fingers in a fellatio fashion, talk dirty to me all of the time, and even fondle me from time to time.... 11 years old.... i guess it didn't feel abusive since he was smaller than me, and i guess his aim was to bottom. never found out if he was actually serious or not.

yeah, grade 6 was almost a living hell. fortunately for me, it gets so much worse. it's not all bad though. grade 7 was the best school year i ever had. if i try to look at it from a broad perspective, it really wasn't that great. so the fact that it was the best school year i have ever had is kinda sad actually. fuck my life.

GRADE 7

okay so grade 6 is over and we are on summer break before grade 7. bro1 moves back in with us, i officially became the middle child. my two brothers were older than me, ssis was older than me, and my three step bros were younger than me.
so i had to deal with, and take partial blame for all of the problems that everyone else caused or perpetuated; with no sway over the older siblings, no control over the younger siblings, and no special treatment from the parents. fan-fucking-tastic. thank GOD i had my own room until the very end. having my own room was probably one of three things that prevented me from absolutely losing my sanity and potentially becoming suicidal.

the dynamic changed greatly. in the left corner my have my two older brothers and me who was forced to be there. in the right corner we have ssis and three step bros. yep, ssis decided that she didn't like us, or my brothers at least (so her hatred extended to me too), so she manipulated her brothers into forming a sort of team with her, and teaming up against us. honestly, i guess i could kind of understand why there would be tension between them and my brothers, since my brothers did a lot of asshole stuff, but me? ME?!?!?! even if i wasn't drafted into that stupid sibling rivalry, i would have just been shunned and ignored by everyone. my brothers, i, and our step brothers were still a little bit solid since we've been through a lot before ssis stepped in, so i think it was mainly a matter of ssis manipulating them.

anyways, this year (grade 7) school was pretty damn awesome. same teacher as when i was in grade 6 and a lot of the students in class aside from me, were in the same class with each other in the previous year. so there was a feeling of familiarity that eventually blended together after a while. this was also the year that i discovered how soft girls feel. i experienced some action in grade 6, but in grade 7 i experienced a different type of action, a different perspective if you will. ahhhh this brings back memories. if anyone is interested in knowing what i'm talking about, feel free to ask in the comments. this post is turning out a lot longer than i hoped, so i might just stick with the main details for the rest of the OP.

right, so. it turns out that our step siblings has an aunt. spoiler alert, she absolutely psychotic. ssis had a problem with my mom that became worse over time. so one time my mom was talking it out with ssis and her aunt on the phone. apparently there were some issues and misunderstandings about what was said on the phone, so ssis's aunt decided to threaten to get her sons to kill my mom by shooting her to death. so my mom called the police on her and got her sent to jail.
(this particular situation may have happened in grade 8, i can't remember exactly. the step aunt did live with us for a while, which was most likely before this incident. so maybe the step aunt lived with us in grade 7 and this situation happened in grade 8. i guess that's your 10 member blended family reveal.)

oh, what a happy family. what a wonderful and happy childhood i was forced into. such exquisite memories.

anyways, problems continued as the new normal. siblings would clash, shit would happen, and i would just get dragged along like a rop tied to my ball sack strapped to the back of a monster truck on a bumpy dirt path.

like... this one time. i can't remember exactly what it was, but we were preparing to either have my birthday party, or a family get together. i can't remember which. so the basement was so fucking filthy with muffin cups and other garbage all over the floor, i had to spend HOURS cleaning it all by myself, because i was the only person who gave a shit about not having the house in a complete mess before guests showed up. the house had built in vacuum tubes, so i just sucked up all of the muffin cups into the vacuum, hell if i knew where it went, and i could care less anyways. i probably sucked up at least 50 muffin cups into the vacuum. and i didn't make a single bit of damn mess down there.

and like... don't even get me started on shit that happened outside of the house. this particular situation happened a little while before i turned 13 if i'm not mistaken. we met this one guy who was part of a mafia family. dude literally had a hand gun on him when i first met him, and he had a sniper rifle in his house that he showed me and my bros once. there were like 5 of us hanging out together. one guy had a hand gun, and some others had a bunch of knives and shit. the police showed up some-fucking-how, and everyone threw all of their weapons on the grass behind us as the officers were getting out of the car. by some weird fucking luck, we happened to be in front of the house of the mother of one of the guys we were hanging out with. so the mothers comes out of the house and questions the shit we threw on the floor, then the officer shines his flashlight on all of the weapons on the ground, and everyone's like "WHOA WHAT IS THIS? HOW DID ALL THAT GET THERE?" right..... what a shit storm that was.

that's not even the only kind of stuff of that nature to happen either, but anyways...

i almost forget to mention. i talked about having my own room being one of three things that helped me keep my sanity during those times. the other thing was school, because it was time away from home and a lot of fun stuff happened.
the third thing, and this is a damn good one. the third thing that helped me keep my sanity was my own private internet connection. we had a house computer, but it technically belonged to ssis, and there were a lot of restrictions on everyone using that computer. so this was really huge for me.
TO THIS DAY i still have no idea how it happened, but it happened. one day i was in my room with my mom's laptop. listening to music and such. i was incredibly bored playing solitaire all of the time. i desperately kept on trying to access the internet. the laptop had a wifi adapter built in, so it was able to access wireless networks. back then i had no idea how any of this worked though. so anyways, i miraculously got a connection to a public network. i tested it over and over to make sure it was working right, and to make sure i would be able to keep it a complete secret from anyone else in the house. i learned how to turn the connection off and on at will. so when i got home i could get on msn messeger, facebook, whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. it was like having an entire world to myself. there were a few occasions when i almost got caught though. especially this one time when ssis REALLY got close to finding out about it. it would have been absolute hell if she did.
the connection was called D-link or something. i guess it's the name of a router or modem that quite a few people had back then. lol for all i know, maybe all i was doing was connecting to the internet service that we already had, and it was just that mom and momBF didn't put a password on it.

GRADE 8

well i was EXTREMELY depressed when grade 7 ended because it was such an awesome year. it was all sooo damn depressing. pretty much the main memory that jumps out at me when i think about my first impressions of grade 8 is this girl that was in my grade 7 class. i remember thinking of how much she had developed in such a short period of time. mmm. the things i would have done. but whatever. i suppose school in grade 8 was pretty interesting. halfway through grade 8 at least.

tensions at home were high as fuck, and it probably would not have been long until one or more people completely lost their minds and went berzerk.
it got to the point where every time there was a problem, i would just stand there and watch how things played out since i knew i would just get dragged around by the balls no matter what happened, and it would be even worse if i actually involved myself.
one time sbro2 got his arm stuck inside of the ice dispenser machine attached to the fridge and started screaming because the blades that crush the ice were pushing against his arm. i just stood there in the background feeling no emotions while my older brothers helped him get out, and everyone else was just freaking out. then when it was over i just went back to my room to enjoy my internet.

also, remember that issue with the muffin cup under the backyard deck i talked about early on in this post? well, it came back up. all 9 of us (since step aunt wasn't living with us anymore) gathered in the kitchen. momBF talked to all of us and wanted us to talk about anything we had on our chests, to get it out in the open or whatever. talk out our problems and clear the air i guess. looking back, this was probably an attempt to help us understand each other and get along with each other. i'm pretty sure i was just standing in the back, not caring.
so sbro2 (i think?) comes forward and talks about the time when bro2 forced them to strip naked in the backyard until one of them owned up to putting the muffin cup under the backyard deck. when he explained the situation, it was almost like the mood in the room just shifted. everyone was either in shock, disbelief, relief, or feeling guilty. the only thing i was feeling is hoping that i wouldn't get blamed for it too. aside from that i couldn't care less.

i forgot exactly what happened after that, but it was eventually made clear that my mom and momBF would be breaking up. mom would buy a new house, and our families would split apart.

GRADE 8 PART 2

so my family went from a giant three floor house, to a house with 5 floors. 5 shitty floors. i was really sad about not being able to finish the school year at that school. i was really looking forward to it. just one more fucking disappointment.

so the new school i went to after we moved out of the big house was EXTREMELY different. literally completely different. i didn't understand anything, my social skills were ass shit, my confidence did not exist, i didn't even know who i was. so i just became the quiet loser guy who never fucking said anything. i got really lazy since it was the middle of winter and didn't really have anything to do anyway, started eating like shit, started getting chubby. it was like a frozen boring hell. my time in that school was just incredibly boring. it would have been fun and meaningful if my social skills and social interest were better.

GRADE 9

so i guess from now on this will be more about how the blended family bullshit affected me AFTER it was all over. i'll try to make this quick because i should have been in bed a long time ago. in fact, instead of typing this crap up i should have been continuing my C# studies.

in grade 9 i actually got to go to the highschool that most of the people i knew from my first middle school went to. i got to be reunited with all of my old pals. lucky me.... NO, NOT LUCKY ME.

so the school was incredibly fucked up. it had like 3000 fucking students and it was so massive that i got lost all of the damn time. there were so many students that all of the students had to take lunch breaks in shifts. so i often had friends that were on a different lunch break than me.

ARGH!!! THINKING ABOUT MY EARLY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS MAKES MY BLOOD ABSOLUTELY BOIL. I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!

first of all, the only way they would allow me to go to that school is if they put me into an extremely specific special needs class. like with the kind of students you would know need to be there just by looking at them. i fit in with that crowd less than i fit in with the normal crowd, so i was not happy at all to be there. not only that, but they put an EXTRA teacher in each classroom for the sole purpose of keeping an eye on me... so every other student would just be a normal everyday student, and i would be the weird outcast who needed a teacher butler always standing over me in the class, even though it wasn't necessary. the only issue i had in school was a motivational issue due to lack of ambition and inspiration.

so there was this EXTREMELY cute girls, two girls actually. we're just going to focus on the main girl. i met her in grade 8 i think? my brothers knew her sister, and somehow that led to me becoming friends with my brothers' friends' sister, which was her. in middle school she wasn't that cute, so looking back i guess what made her cute is that she learned how to apply makeup.
either way she looked extremely cute so of course i wanted to absolutely destroy that, if you know what i mean. but because i am SO DAMN LUCKY, i did not understand a thing about girls or know how to talk to girls. i keep on thinking about how if i could rewind time to replay these events, while maintaining all of my current knowledge and memories, i would be like a king. i would be able to get any girl to do any damn thing that i wanted, whenever i wanted it, and it would be so easy.

anyway, she ended up giving herself to some other guy, while i just became a fucking loser.
the school staff hated me so they would suspend me any chance they get. i show up late, they suspend me, i talk back, they suspend me. one time i even ignored the bitch when she was suspending me and i went to class, so they called the police on me, and then they suspended me for a total of 30 days. during the 30 day suspension they put me in a program with other kids who were suspended for awful stuff, saddled me with books and books of work to do. my task was to finish all of the work before my suspension was over, and then i would be able to return to the school. so i worked diligently like a robot. the program wasn't all bad though. we played fun games from time to time.
i finally finished all of the work just shy of the suspension period. since the school delivered the work to the program staff, the program staff were going to send it back to the school and then the school would process it. when i called the school the next day, they told me that they were kicking me out of the school since i didn't do any of the work. obviously the school planned this from the beginning.

so instead i was sent to an alternative school for around another 30 days to just sit at a desk in a room and do more work, all day, every day. no one to talk to, and nothing else to do except work. i didn't even care what work i was doing or where it was going to go. i just wrote shit on paper until my time was up.

after that i was sent to a public school closer to home this time. this would be my actual school from now on. i had no extra teacher assigned to watch over me, and i wasn't completely separated from all of the other students. it felt like freedom.
buuuuut the school was kinda fucked up. it was like... a multicultural student population i guess? i'm not even lying, the school had unspoken dumb rules, like black people would hang out in one wing of the school during lunch, white people in another wing, and brown people in another wing. this happened every single day without anyone saying anything about it. and again, i didn't even fit in with the group closer to my background because i had a completely different mindset to everyone. so when i was new to that school i spent most of my lunch periods in a bathroom stall, or seeing how fast i could walk home and then walk back to school. it's not like i had any friends or anyone that i could hang out with or talk to.

have any of you ever heard of a game called conquer online? well i played it back then. i shit you not, this game is played by people from over 100 countries, and they have been regularly launching new servers even back then. trust me, this ties into my story. so i made a character on a new server in that game and i created a guild. some people joined my guild. one day i started talking to this one guy in my guild. usually i don't talk too familiarly with people online, and i usually NEVER give out any personal information. for my entire life, this was the ONLY TIME i did that. so he started asking me questions about my age and what country i lived in. of course i would ask him the same in return. i got pissed off because we kept on having the same answers, even when i tried to time it so that we would make our posts almost at the same time. i got so pissed off at him because our information matched down to the city. so when he asked what school i went to, i listed my school, and almost at the exact same time he posted the same school name. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? he was a year older than me btw.

so we decided to meet up. lucky me, he was what girls consider to be the most attractive guy in the entire fucking school. no, not lucky me. it meant that i got to listen to him talk about all of the hot girls he fucked while i just got fatter and lazier. again, what are the odds?

it wasn't all bad. one time he got this hot asian girl as a girlfriend. it was NOT fun watching them make out on my couch. it was fucking traumatizing, and hellish. however, this hot asian girl did have a cousin who was single. her cousin also allegedly had bigger boobs than her. and lucky for me, they were willing to set me up with said big boobed cousin.
you guessed it. no, not lucky me. her cousin was unfortunately not my type at all. looking back, i should have taken taken that chance anyway, but i had too much baggage weighing me down. i wasn't ready for dating or a relationship. right now i am FAR better off than i used to be, and i can objectively say that i was definitely not ready for dating or a relationship.

(to be edited. posting now because i don't want something to happen to cause me to lose all of this typing that i did)