I am feeling the whiplash from disengaging, because I am accused of being distant and cold now because i dont respond or react to the skid. I resent her more everyday, I tell him that, and its my fault of course. Why cant I just be sweet and nice to her? Hmm, maybe because she is a manipulating brat, that you refuse to see.
They do live with BM full time...during the school year. During the summer they live with us full time. We have 2 yo son that I stay at home with, so during the summer I am full time to ALL kids, including my 2 from my ex. I want to try disengaging, but I cannot just defer everything to my BF because he is working. I haven't had a break, and I need one badly. I cannot wait for summer vacation to be over.
My BF is not a parent to his kids, his daughter(7) is out of control...but he refuses to see it, she puts all the blame on me. I just want to know how I disengage when he is not home?
It's a no win. Either your distant and a bit chilly, or abused by a brat and like a loony lady making excuses to run to the grocery store at 10 pm out of your own house. (Yes... I have done that). You teach people how to treat you, if they can't and it's important to you... changes are a'coming
Laughing!! I call her kids the "weapons" that must have flown out of a golden uterus!! Because if I had them naturally, I would hold the power of his universe..LOL!!
I have said, if you knew she was batshit.. why did you have ANOTHER kid with her?
He resents that.
giggling at that... My sister does too... cause it's true!!
I say it privately of course , when the SKIDS are not here, and when he has been a particular wussy with her.
@ Old Dart: problem is, with my own biokids, I am parenting them, he is not. I agree with what dtzyblnd says when she says that they are his problem, not mine. I have TRIED to make them my problem and nothing I have done inthe past has worked...including, trying to make special time to create a special relationship with them. Even their own SM says that it is their relationship with their dad that is suffering. If I weren't there, they would be at a babysitters right? So time to treat them like they are at a babysitter's. HE comes home every night and disengages, so why should I be the one that picks up the slack? I earn my keep, but that does not mean that I get treated with disrespect in my own home sorry. If that's how you choose to be treated in your home, more power to you...but I have more self respect than that!
No for real.. I use the iPod and laptop and busy routine, but sometimes that little shit pulls my heart strings... I have to go upstairs and regroup because I know he probably wants something/ SS12
Disengaging works bc then you begin to see the step children as victims, and bio dad as the problem. Very few bio dads want to parent properly and they raise entitled bratty children. Recently ended a relationship with a man who continued to revolve around his daughter-wife32. Finally I realized it was him who had the great need to put his daughter-wife first in his life. He was no longer first in her life. She had moved on with her life. He claimed he wanted to move on with his life with me, but all his words and actions placed his daughter-wife first in his life.
You can't really disengage
You can't really disengage when skids are up your @ss 24/7. If you don't mind my asking, why don't they live with BM? Do you ever get a break?
I am feeling the whiplash
I am feeling the whiplash from disengaging, because I am accused of being distant and cold now because i dont respond or react to the skid. I resent her more everyday, I tell him that, and its my fault of course. Why cant I just be sweet and nice to her? Hmm, maybe because she is a manipulating brat, that you refuse to see.
They do live with BM full
They do live with BM full time...during the school year. During the summer they live with us full time. We have 2 yo son that I stay at home with, so during the summer I am full time to ALL kids, including my 2 from my ex. I want to try disengaging, but I cannot just defer everything to my BF because he is working. I haven't had a break, and I need one badly. I cannot wait for summer vacation to be over.
My BF is not a parent to his kids, his daughter(7) is out of control...but he refuses to see it, she puts all the blame on me. I just want to know how I disengage when he is not home?
I get accused of being
I get accused of being distant and cold, too. Whatever.
I'm sorry you don't get breaks from this.
((((( hugs )))))
It's a no win. Either your
It's a no win. Either your distant and a bit chilly, or abused by a brat and like a loony lady making excuses to run to the grocery store at 10 pm out of your own house. (Yes... I have done that). You teach people how to treat you, if they can't and it's important to you... changes are a'coming
Laughing!! I call her kids
Laughing!! I call her kids the "weapons" that must have flown out of a golden uterus!! Because if I had them naturally, I would hold the power of his universe..LOL!!
I have said, if you knew she was batshit.. why did you have ANOTHER kid with her?
He resents that.
giggling at that... My sister does too... cause it's true!!
I say it privately of course , when the SKIDS are not here, and when he has been a particular wussy with her.
@ Old Dart: problem is, with
@ Old Dart: problem is, with my own biokids, I am parenting them, he is not. I agree with what dtzyblnd says when she says that they are his problem, not mine. I have TRIED to make them my problem and nothing I have done inthe past has worked...including, trying to make special time to create a special relationship with them. Even their own SM says that it is their relationship with their dad that is suffering. If I weren't there, they would be at a babysitters right? So time to treat them like they are at a babysitter's. HE comes home every night and disengages, so why should I be the one that picks up the slack? I earn my keep, but that does not mean that I get treated with disrespect in my own home sorry. If that's how you choose to be treated in your home, more power to you...but I have more self respect than that!
If my iPod breaks I am so
If my iPod breaks I am so f'd..
No for real.. I use the iPod
No for real.. I use the iPod and laptop and busy routine, but sometimes that little shit pulls my heart strings... I have to go upstairs and regroup because I know he probably wants something/ SS12
Disengaging works bc then you
Disengaging works bc then you begin to see the step children as victims, and bio dad as the problem. Very few bio dads want to parent properly and they raise entitled bratty children. Recently ended a relationship with a man who continued to revolve around his daughter-wife32. Finally I realized it was him who had the great need to put his daughter-wife first in his life. He was no longer first in her life. She had moved on with her life. He claimed he wanted to move on with his life with me, but all his words and actions placed his daughter-wife first in his life.