Getting so moody everytime when I know SD is coming!

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I don't know how to manage this feeling. I couldn't hide and I can't pretend I love her because I don't. Only one I love is my own daughter who isn't my husband's daughter. We don't have kid together. Me and my daughter have relationship since the day she's borned until now 10 years later, of course I love her more than anything in the world. For my SD, I know her when she's 9. I have been trying to love her but unable to and I feel guilty for this poor kid that I don't even want to touch her. Everytime she comes, I feel like she's my intruder. I felt like we have 2 families in 1 family in her presence. She will come every 2 weeks if I'm not lucky. She's 15 years old, I thought by now she will have friends, activities or her own life. I know my DH love her so much and I shouldn't be a bad stepmom not to let them see each other. Not like other SM, I'm being honest to my husband and let him know how I feel. I told him I feel awkward and uncomfortable everytime when she comes. I don't mind If he goes out and spends time with her, taking her to mall, to see movies or do other activities with her. But he insisted that it's his week, he have to go and pick her up. She lives about an hour away. Sometimes, he has to go all the way and drop her off too because of that idiot and lazy BM. I hate BM so bad, she's the most disgusting woman I ever knew in my life. She cheated on my husband with the married man who has pregnant wife at home. God knows why this kind of person always exist in this world. I have minimum communication with her. She scared of me and we rarely talk. And I don't want to cause somebody's death by panic attack. She and her husband scared of me. She knew I'm not easy person to fool around with and they will get into troubles if they mess around with me. They used to threaten to go to the court and get money for the child support from my husband since she knows I have a house. I bought the house on my own and it's my house. My husband married me after I bought this home and it's under only my name. He has nothing to do with it. He just lived here. I think that's why I feel like my SD is intruder since I feel this is my house. Anyway, they have no right for that since my husband doesnt own the house. My husband always pay child support on time every week but they are gready and always want more. They must think he got the wife who can afford a house so they want to dig in more. NO freaking way!

Anyway, I refuse to do activities with SD and always stay in my bedroom while she's with us. I told my husband this is me and I can't change the way I feel but I promise you I will never touch her, harm her, endanger her or hurt her in any kind. So it be this way. It's good enough I have to bear and grin when she's here. Her behavior made me feel untrust toward her, she used to steal my stuff few years ago. Sometimes, she whispers in her dad ears. A lot of times when we go shopping, she always stick with my husband like a piece of gum. It's so annoying. I feel left out with my own kid. It's so different when she's not here. I feel love and happy with just 3 of us, me, my kid, husband. When she's here, the atmosphere is changed and I really don't like my house.

I insisted with my husband many times, I want a divorce. I don't want to be step mother for anybody. I don't like this feeling and I want to call it quit. No matter what I said, he never let me go. This is been so many years. We are together for 6 years and I just can't take it anymore. I feel like trap in my own home. I work hard all week long, taking care of my kid non stop, cooking, cleaning, teaching her homeworks, helping her with stuff but I can't even live comfortable in my own home when SD come. I feel like selling this house and move on but he doesn't let me. He said she has 3 more years and she will come less and less and we will be out. No way, no matter what she's still his daughter and he will have to deal with her the rest of his life.

If I know this will happen, I will never marry the guy with baggage like him. I love him but my love fade way because of his daughter and his money always go to different household whild I'm struggling trying to put the roof over this house. So what's good married the guy who has baggage? It really doesn't make my life better but I'm stucked right now.

I can understand your

I can understand your feelings but anyone with kids has baggage to include you. If you don't like the way things are leave.

Thanks but I welcome positive

Thanks but I welcome positive and productive comments. If you can't, just don't participate in this forum. Did you read it clearly? I was trying to leave but I CAN'T LEAVE. Do you think it's easy to leave when your kid is settled in school? I have house. Do you think it's easy to sell the house in this economy? I already lost 100K since I bought this home because of economy.

I hear your pain! I feel same

I hear your pain! I feel same way when my bratty ss5 comes over, I get pissy and moody and me and dh almost always end up fighting, his bm is a crazy dramatic bitch whom I would love to see disappear forever, all I can say is I feel the same way , you do have a choice tho if u want to leave him cause it's too much for you it is up to you god knows I've Thot about leaving dh many times over this! But my love for him always keeps me here to suffer on those dreaded weekends we get ss!! I really don't know what else to say I wish I had an answer to our problem, one person said to me to just disengage but it looks like u already are doing that by stayin in your room while she is there, maybe your dh could rent a hotel for that weekend when she is with u guys so u won't have to hide in your own house which u paid for ( and I feel same way bout tut too as our place used to be just my place before dh and ss moved in...) good luck girl, I hope we can get passed this for our dhs and hey maybe having a child with your dh would help you? That's what I'm trying ! But not jus for that reason of course!!

Let me give you some frank

Let me give you some frank observations of your story. I suspect you'll tell me off like you did the first guy who posted but too bad. You've not mentioned one thing the girlor father has done to provoke this attitude. This tells me its all in your head. I don't mean crazy or loco in your head just that you are your own worst enemy.

This can be turned around so easily that it can make your head spin. Literally by taking a 180 degree turn in your attitude you can change all of this. Accept the fact that she exists and will be spending the next few years (she's 15 already for heavens sake) visiting her father who by and large takes her out of the home often.

If you can't do this yourself see a family counselor. You will be amazed at the insight they have and should have your problem solved or on its way in two months of weekly visits or less. Since the problem exists only in your head if you tryly want to solve it then that is where the solution will have to be found.

It won't be all ice cream and roses when you're done but you should have a better understanding of why you feel the way you do. It's probably one of the most extreme cases I've read here from a person who has nothing to complain about except what's in her mind. Get the help and solve your problem as indeed it is yours and yours alone.

I am not judging you since I

I am not judging you since I also had similar feelings towards my SD, who was a very spoiled single child with adult status when I met her.What helped me was reading a lot about Step families and educating myself about strategies that work and what is typical and different.It helped me to accept myself and my feelings to start with and to recognise things that needed to be changed for all of us to be happier.I needed SO to listen though and it was the most important bit to put the adult rs in the house first.
Tell me what it is you dislike the most?Many times the child itself is just a symbol for us not feeling good eg being treated different from SO when she is there etc.Or does she get away with a lot of things that make you upset?How is your DH and is he listening and helping?Or is he expecting you to love SD as your own?Are you taking breaks of the kids?
What worked for us was SO supporting and backing me up and made our rs priority,it helped me to drop my resent towards SD and my fear big time.I admit , I disliked myself a bit when I felt so much negative feelings toward SD; I felt as I am a bad person until I learned that those feelings are normal in stepfamilies.Overall though I was able to turn them around- with SO's help.
Think about what you would need o be changed in your house to feel less resentful towards SD when she is there,what can your DH do or say?And dont think you need to love her or even like her....your first goal in the scenario can be to find a bit more peace for yourself and accept SD's presence, that's already hard enough.
Imagine if your DH would feel so resentful to your own childs presence in your home.Wouldn't you like him to try to find ways how to make things work?

I feel your pain. DH and I

I feel your pain. DH and I have SD every other week (50/50). For me, it's a cycle which goes like this- the week she is gone we are happy and normal, then a couple days before she comes back I begin to dread it and am automatically in a bad mood, then she gets here & I want to pull my hair out & I am just pissed at the world, then she is finally gone again. I feel like in a relationship, everyone has ups and downs but you should be happy more than you are unhappy. For me, I am happy 50% of the time.

I could have written this

I could have written this exact post!

This is my life!!!!^^^^

This is my life!!!!^^^^ Exactly, 50% I'm super happy and 50% I hate it and I get anxiety knowing she's about to come towards the end of the week.....ugh

Sounds like my story!

I know how you feel and I

I know how you feel and I have tried to tell my Dh the same thing but he will not accept that all I can give is to be nice. i don't want to interact with them I don't want to see them I don't want them in my house. But for him I deal with it. He says he wants someone who can do better than deal. I think these men are selfish and it is impossible to put a marriage first if you are with someone who you are now the sequel to. I hate being the sequel. I hate being the second choice and having to put up with someone elses mistakes. I would have never married him if I knew life would be this way. Just trying to hang in there for our 2 year old. Good luck to you. I hope you do whatever makes YOU happy.

I agree, these men are

I agree, these men are incredibly selfish to EXPECT OR DEMAND us women immediately or even in general like/love their children, want them around all the time, want to spend time with them...the list goes on and on!!!

Like one mom said...it is like going to Walmart and picking up some random kid and being told you need to love them, raise them, provide for them....you catch my drift...those are unrealistic and selfish expectations of and for ANY human being!!!

A person is entitled to feel however they want about whoever they want, no one can or should force or expect someone to like/love another person just because that person wants them to. PERIOD!!!!

Life doesnt work that way (THANKFULLY)...someone needs to clue these "men" in on that reality.....just saying

I used to hide in my room for

I used to hide in my room for the entire weekend pretty much when they came over. And some times i still venture off to my room when i need alone time when the brady bunch comes to visit (4 sKids ages 9-14 yrs) BUT i have decided to myself that it is MY HOUSE and i will not let them make ME uncomfortable in MY house. I will go out in the living room and bring my laptop or something. It makes them go crazy cuz they don't feel comfortable enough hanging out while i'm hanging out. try it. i bet it can work for you too muwahahaha

I really wanted to be the 2nd

I really wanted to be the 2nd Mom of my 2 skids and love them and be happy. My SS15 was 3 when I got with DH and he was awesome and loving, SD13 was not even 2 but almost hated me...very nasty and unaffectionate, something to do with her mother probably. But now that they are older, some days its all I can do to be civil. I hate that. But they are teenagers whose BM taught them to hate me and brainwashed them and now SS15 has lived with us FT for 2 years and SD13 is with us while we try to get custody since her BM moved out of state without permission and thought DH was ok with it - NOT! I also have BS9 who is much nicer, but he is mine and doesn't have the brainwashing issues of course...! lol...this site is amazing in how real it is. Scary real.

***sigh

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Getting so moody everytime when I know SD is coming!