Every parent/grandparent has a favorite the question is can grandma keep her favoritism from showing? It should be discussed with her prior to having a kid(s).

I think your husbands true feelings are that he doesn't want another kid. However many many people have children who don't really care one way or another and treat the kids just fine.

Nobody is as excited about having the second child excluding people who get excited about anything. It's human nature. As for yakking about his ex's pregnancy I doubt if he paid much attention - most males don't.

I don't see the kid mixing jealousy over Daddy with jealously over half-sister. I conclude that from the way she feels about her current half-sister.

Tell step-kid you're thinking about having a baby. See what her reaction is.

I don't know how long you two have been a item/married. My generic advise is first of all don't marry a person with kids. Too late.

Second don't have kids with someone who already has kids - get out of marriage and find guy who is childless. But it seems like you got a good guy and a good marriage so I'll dampen that advise in your case especially in light of your unusual relationship with your step-kid and her bio-mother.

Finally wait until you've been married at least one if not two years before having a kid. Make sure this is the guy you want to father your child. You're not complaining about his parenting techniques only that you're not sure if he really wants to become a Daddy again. He's ambivalent about having more children but that doesn't mean he won't take it in stride. Unfortunately men hate to talk about stuff but that's the one thing you need to do with this guy. Maybe he would agree to a few counseling sessions with a marriage counselor? Make it clear that it's not the marriage that is in trouble only the baby decision.

If I had to say yes or no based on what you've said here I'd say go for it.

I think all of your concerns are normal and valid.

It sounds to me like you just need a little reassurance from your DH that he is in this with you. If you really want the answer to how he will be with your child you have to look at how he is with his own. Is he an attentive dad? Does he dread his time with SD or look forward to it? Does he nap on the couch while she plays or interact with her?

I remember seeing this quote when I was pregnant "A woman falls in love with her child from the moment she knows she is growing a life, a man falls in love with his child the first time he holds it" I think men and women are just wired differently and you will feel more connected to your child throughout your pregnancy than your DH will.

As far as the MIL stuff. Of course she dotes on SD but you just wait until she sees that cute little pudgy baby. She will love and adore your baby as well. The same way moms can love more than one child, I think grandparents can too. There will always be a special bond between MIL and SD, but she sounds like a pretty good and attentive Grandma, I cannot imagine she wouldn't be loving and welcoming to spoiling another, especially since she only has one child of her own.

Talk to your husband some more, but go with your gut. I think RipleyV2 is a very lucky lady - but not all stories end so well.

I was in a very similar situation to you. My husband dotes on his girls as do his parents and he said that he always felt he had his lot in life but if I wanted one baby that he would be ok with it. Not any more though. Just one. It just felt so clinical and then he started talking about the financial implications, saying our child would not be able to do or have certain things because money was tied in with BM and skids (who just have to look at something and it's bought for them).

I've since left my husband because I feel that when I do have a baby that he/she deserves the best that I can afford, not have to compromise or have second best because of people who I have little feeling for. There are obviously other cracks on our marriage but this was one factor.

I wish you the best, but do always go with your gut instinct reaction. Don't over think.

Im in this very situation.....my OH is supportive of a child between us though.

Ive had the same concerns, but you have to remember that this pregnancy IS different and exciting because its with YOU. I think he understands your fears but wont put his thoughts there incase it influences you.
My SD is totally against a baby.....said that I wont have time to care for her (yup...SD said that to her SM!), so Im reassuring her at the moment as well as my OH.

But, now Im at a point where im questioning if I really do want anotehr one given how much hassle SS17 and SS17 constantly create with their constant drama.....

Wow, I feel like I could have written this post word for word myself, and it's real hard to talk about or express to anyone. I don't know anyone in my situation or anything similar to ask for advice. I wound be interested to see how this all works out for you. My boyfriend has a 5yr old son from a very brief marriage. The child wasn't planned, they were young and got married quick, only to find out that they didn't want to be together. He says that he wants to have a family with me and do things "the right way" but I have ALL the same fears as you. I hate even hearing BM's name, so I will be devastated if I have to hear facts about pregnancy he learned with her, or stories. I don't even like to hear SS's baby stories. I also have the MIL issue as well, her first and only grandson is spoiled and doted on beyond belief. I want all of those first time pregnancy experiences to be his first time as well and it scares me that I won't have that close family feel on the weekends when SS comes to stay. It already creates a "divided" kind of feel in our home if that makes sense. I just want a happy family.

I think we, as people in general, take certain things that are touchy subjects very personally, and men, unfortunately, are a bit more simpler than we give them credit for.

Conversations with my DH about children before we had BD was like this:

Me: "Do you want children?"
Him: "I would like some with you, yes, but if we didn't have any I wouldn't mind that much either."
Me: *Mind blown, angst, he's not as interested as I am, depressed, angry, now I don't want any with him, it's not a big deal for him because he already has a kid.*

After many conversations like this, I finally got it out of him what he actually meant. And it's not at all like I thought.

This is the actual translation of his tactless attempt at reassurance:

"Honey, as long as I have you, I don't need anything else in the world. If we don't have kids, I won't blame you or leave you because I know some people leave because it's a dealbreaker. I'm not going to dwell on it, resent you for it, or be upset by it. In fact, if I didn't have anything I have now, as long as you are by my side, I am content and because I am content, that is why it doesn't matter as much to me if we have kids or not, because I don't feel like I'm 'missing' anything. Although I would like to share children with you, if it doesn't happen, I'm okay with it, because I have you."

Yup. That's what he actually meant. After having to sit down and walk him through what his actual meaning was (After he liberally dotted our conversation with "It's not that big of a deal." "I'm not missing anything." "I can go either way." "I'm fine with not having kids.") I finally got this one phrase out of him that made me change what I heard, and that was: As long as I can spend the rest of my life with you, I don't really care that much about anything else.

Literal lightbulb moment.

Men are kind of silly sometimes, so then I had to tell him how I felt with what he said, and he was horrified that I took it the way I did, because he meant it to be reassuring and not putting pressure on me that I HAD to have kids with him so that he can be happy. No good deed goes unpunished, right?

Of course he is absolutely disgustingly besotted with our daughter that all worries are out the window.

I have had all those exact thoughts... and here I am a few weeks away from birth. I was concerned about everything you stated plus, the fact that DH already has a girl and a boy, that they live in our home (would they be treated diff by him), how will my parents now treat sks? Are the sks going to be resentful? Will the love for my bio outshine them?... blah blah blah.

Here is what I have learned: every pregnancy is different. Men really don't remember much when it comes to babies. It has been 8 years since sks were born. My DH was barely a part of the pregnancy with either of them. Now he is going to classes, learning a ton, and super excited. Also, as cheesy as it is, its different bc of the love you guys have. Hopefully your DH isn't dumb enough to EVER compare you to BM. So far my DH hasn't at all. I have even tried to get it out of him, either he honestly doesnt remember or he is smarter than I give him credit for

Here is the deal, in the end. its about what you want. Biologically, your DH has already done his job by having offspring. You haven't. Will you regret it? You can't let anyone else, BM- sk- MIL, dictate your wishes. If you want a child, and its a good time, then have one. If you dont and you wanted one, you can only blame you. Will BM and sks make it harder than if you married a single guy? Yes. But oh well. Talk to DH. Tell him your fears and your wishes.