Hello fellow steps. This is my first time here. I am so exhausted and scared that my marriage is going to fail.Just got back from another visit with SD ans SS and as usual DH and i are fighting. (SKʻs live out of state) We have been married almost 2 years. I love him more than I ever thought was possible to love someone. BUT... we have issues around parenting. He has A 31 yo son from one marriage and a 17 yo daughter from another. I know he loves both children but he favors SD BIG TIME!!! SS has even said that he resented her growing up because he felt his dad only cared about her. And till this day when he sometimes refers to his children SS is an afterthought. THere have been times where Iʻve had to remind him he has TWO children. His response is always, "its different. SS is an adult. SD is still a kid" However SS would say it has always been this way ever since she was born. Over the years we have had many issues with SD behavior. There was lying, terrible grades, promiscuity, manipulations, legal issues, drugs and alcohol, school suspensions etc. She has improved a lot over the past year, but I believe its because she has a boyfriend that helps keep her out of trouble now. Back when these crazy behaviors were taking place I developed huge resentment because he didnʻt parent her. If she showed up to see us with hickeys on her neck and 17 missing asignments on athletic probabtion and a D average the first thing we would do is buy expensive tickets to take her to Disneyland and take her shopping for clothes and shoes. I have two boys who are with us full time and he has NO problems disciplining them. I am actually thankful for that. But at the same time when he practically rewarded her and placed her on a pedestal even if she clearly didnʻt deserve any reward i felt blatant unfairness. He would put her needs over my boys. On one vacation the boys went in the pool and went and got themselves towels before the towel cabana closed. well when they came out their towels had been taken by SD. his response was "shes a girl. shes cold. i took the boys towel  and draped it over her DRY body" while my boys are soaking wet and theyʻre only 10 and 12. He told them theyre big boys and could go get themselves new towels. we had a HUGE fight over that on our vacation. On many visits we would have to make special extra trips and spend lots of money on fancy restaurants because she didnʻt like the food at where we were at. And she ALWAYS has to be all up and all over him. The physical affection is disturbing. She caresses his face and runs her fingers through his hair like I do to him. She used to sit on his lap. People have even mistaken them for a couple. He even admitted that she never did that before I came along. She always has to be all up in our conversations. I literally have been PUSHED physically aside so she can be next to him. If i get up for a second she immediately takes my spot. He says he doesnt notice any of these things. She has emotional outbursts and will break into a drooling sobbing mess in the middle of a restaurant because we were talking about college. Then yelled at my husband afterwards because she doesnt know if she will get into any schools because of her grades. If i bring up the reality that most of her schooling she did bad in, he gets defensive and angry becuase "well for the past few months shes been better". Which is true but I am not sure if its enough for colleges. Im just being realistic. AND hes trying to arrange for her to move to our state and live with us after she graduates highschool. I swear that will end our marriage i think. I donʻt know what to do. After she manipulated my niece into buying her a vape with our $ that was supposed to be used for them to spend the day together I had had it. I told him if he doesnt discipline her. Make her pay us back and set consequences we would be done! So he stayed late in his office and talked to her on the phone where I wasnt around. It makes me wonder if he even was in any way harsh in any way. Ive heard her yell at him and even flat out blame him for her deviant bahaviors. And he just silently takes it. He would say he doesnt because he explains to her why her behaviors are going to harm her, and tells he the usual stuff like " I believe in you, you can do better, I care about you, i worry about your future yada yada. But has never ever ever been able to say firmly "DO NOT TALK TO ME THIS WAY". If my boys yell at me he is on them right away and says not to disrespet me. I explain children NEED discipline. SHe is CRYING out for some! You need to be a FATHER and not good time dad. There hasnʻt been anything lately where his disciplining was in order. She has been out of trouble since she has had this boyrfriend. BUt I still have resentment because he never acknowledged that he cannot set boundaries or establish consequences, there just hasnt been as much of a need to lately. He will tell me to stop bringing up stuf from the past. And although the crazy behavioral antics have seemingly subsided, she still is very invasive physically in our space with the whole having to stand between us or push her head between us and listen to all our conversations and HE DOESNT SEE IT! He told my I was a SH****TY person last night because I said i donʻt have a problem with HER, i have a problem with HIS PARENTING. This morning I told him I know Im not a bad person and Im pretty sure he knows that. He agreed that he didnt really mean it. But told me he needs time to think about our marriage. Im scared.

Sorry if this was all over the place. Itʻs all pent up frustration!!!