Hi everyone, I am new and really need a place to vent and seek help
I have 2 biological children ages 25 and 21, 3 step children 13,15, and 17. I raised my children fairly strict with rules and most important they must always be honest.
My step children, Whom I have been in their lives for over 5 years now are disrespectful monsters! I get no support from my wife with them whatsoever.
I will start with the 17 year old. My wife and I agreed that he should not drive since his grades suck and he is irresponsible and smokes pot and drinks. His father took him for his license to be the cool dad but has since taken his car away. Now I am stuck paying his car insurance ($5000.00 in the last 6 months) It is policy renewal time and I feel he should pay, His answer is "I don't think I should have to pay if other people share the car" I found a cheaper policy but I AM NOT buying him his own car. When he uses my truck he drinks, lies about going to work, and destroys things in my truck and does not have to pay for them. My wife is afraid to offend him, she actually believes that when he and all his friends drink in his room he is the only one not drinking.
I don't know how to get my wife to admit to herself the things he does. My worst fear is that he will hurt himself, somebody else etc and it will destroy my marriage.
I will elaborate some more on the other monsters in a bit!
but thanks for listening as I have nobody to talk to about this!
Collect his drivers license,
Collect his drivers license, turn it into the state advising them the child is not mature enough to drive.
They can cancel his license, which once done, you can cancel his insurance policy.
Or flat cancel the insurance policy and tell him to get his own. His failure will result in his license getting suspended. Problem solved.
And the next time the kids are "drinking" in his room: invite a cop over. Advise him that you found multiple minors in your house, without permission, who are drinking alchohol.
You dont need MOM to fix this.
You can refuse to have illegal activities happen in your house and if MOM doesnt like it she and her delinquent kid can move the fuck out.
^^^THIS^^^ Thanks for saying
^^^THIS^^^ Thanks for saying this so I don't have to type it all out
wow JHW, I love STalk for
wow JHW, I love STalk for this very reason, so many knowledgable people who have great advice on sooo many different aspects of life.
OP, I think this is a great idea, it might cause some arguenents between you and your partner, but if you say that you're concerned for SS's safety while driving, it might get her to agree.
My Skids are not at driving
My Skids are not at driving age yet, so I don't have any experience in this arena.
I will say that it seems like your DW does not value her child's life if she is turning a blind eye to his drinking and driving.
I don't know the law where you are at, but if he hurts someone will drinking and driving your DW could be liable financially. Not to mention he could face jail time.
If the truck is yours, can you not ban SS from driving your vehicle?
Welcome to the site. I've only been on here for a few months myself and reading what everyone else is going through has already helped me.
Let me get this straight.
Let me get this straight. You know he drinks and destroys your vehicle while using it yet you tolerate him using your vehicle? :jawdrop:
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
I have taken his license,
I have taken his license, ripped it up, his biological dad just gets him a new one. And I do not want him driving my cars but my wife just allows him to! I have to carry the burden of the insurance to avoid being sued and losing everything!
There are ways to disable a
There are ways to disable a vehicle.
And tell your wife to knock it off!!
911 - Report the car stolen
911 - Report the car stolen every time he uses it. End of problem.
DO NOT let him have your car
DO NOT let him have your car keys. He can learn to use public transportation. If he gets hold of the car keys and takes a vehicle, REPORT IT STOLEN.
And I do not want him driving
And I do not want him driving my cars but my wife just allows him to!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If it is your car, then you are allowing your wife to allow him to drive it. You need to get firm with your WIFE.
If you refuse to be
If you refuse to be confrontational with your wife or stepson then place an anonymous tip to the cops anytime you suspect he is drinking and takes your car. Call the cops anytime he's in his room drinking with his friends. You and your wife can get in trouble for having underage minors drinking in your home. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor is a real charge and will not look good on your record. Plus she could have the other children removed from the home due to her negligence.
You need to CYA (cover your azz). Pretend you have no idea that the cops were called. You're doing nothing wrong. My own bio daughter was hell on wheels at that age. Divorce situation where he Dad gave her everything and let her do whatever she wanted. I had cops and social services in my life non stop. She partied, ran off with older boys, stole and on and on. I filed dozens of runaway reports. If I tried to hide or condone it I would have been legally contributing to it. Luckily due to all the outside intervention she got she eventually straightened up. I could not have done it alone.
Talk to people about what is going on, this situation is more common than you think. Hiding the situation helps no one, especially a 17yr old on a really bad track. The kid needs intervention before he seriously hurts himself or someone else.
We don't allow underage
We don't allow underage drinking, He will sneak friends into the home long after we are asleep! The problem is that I want him grounded punishment etc when we find out! I say my piece, have a fit, and the next time he asks to do something wife says YES!
I allow him to drive my car only to work and straight home, I go to bed at 8 pm, at 10 pm when he gets out he will text my wife and say can I stop here, pick up a friend etc, and she says yes everytime!
STOP allowing him to drive
STOP allowing him to drive your car! He can use public transportation or ride a bicycle.
what good is your "fit"
what good is your "fit" doing? I can tell you from the experience of going through years with a troublesome teen that grounding does not work (they just sneak out), yelling and having fits does not work (in one ear and out the other). The only thing that works is intervention and strict action on your part and any outside help you can get. You "allow" him to drive your car anywhere he wants to because that's what he gets away with. Take back YOUR keys, put them in a safe and stop allowing. This is your wife's kid, if she wants to SHE can drive him to and from work in HER car. The 17 yr old is ruling the roost. Where are you nads step daddy?
^^^^"Someone could be killed
^^^^"Someone could be killed if the kid drinks and drives." Please take this seriously. You know what the kid is doing in YOUR truck so you have a responsibility to put an end to it. Stop using your wife as an excuse to be an enabler. Things may get messy but there is always marriage counseling to help. Better that than a manslaughter charge connected to your vehicle. Imagine how much your insurance will rise then!
You do realize if he crashes
You do realize if he crashes and hurts someone that you are going to be liable if he is driving your vehicle. My SS was just a poor driver and was never allowed to use our vehicles as I didn't want to be on the hook for the rest of my life if he hurt someone. Tough situation you are in. You are going to have to make some hard choices.
~Applause!!!~
~Applause!!!~
Echo, I'm so sorry for your
Echo, I'm so sorry for your loss!!!!
OP--When your DW is done talking to Echo, she can call me and I can tell her about that one time a drunk driver drove the wrong way on the freeway and collided head-on with the vehicle that my father was driving. My father didn't make it. The drunk driver did.