Hi all,

I am in a lesbian relationship. My gf (fiance) has twin boys who are 2 years old. We have been living with each other since they were 12 months old. We decided we wanted to have a united family and talked to my two kids (4 & 6) and the twins about all of them calling me mama and her mommy. The problem is, I got it in my head that we would be a real family, shared love and shared parenting. However, it has come to light that she wants to be their #1 mommy - they one the twins go to when they are hurt or sick. Not me, her. I take that as I am not a mom - but a step mom. She says I can call them "our" boys and bond with them in so many other ways. I am so hurt over this, stressing. I feel like, sure, I can tell them I love them but if they always go to her for support on big things, I will always be less than her, and it won't matter that I bond with them by playing or reading, etc. They will know the difference. How do I switch now into step mom mode? Do you think it's fair or even logical for her to say we are a family with all the kids under "our" umbrella when in reality she wants them all to herself for certain things? And to boot she just gets really upset if I mention that this hurts. She doesn't understand and thinks I am just mad because she wants to care for them when they are sick, as if it is a logistics thing and not an emotional attachment thing. And advice, reality check, support, or anything is appreciated.