I have to say I've gone through numerous phases with my SD, one was the getting to know you phase, then came the phase that SD was addicted to being with me, just like a shadow...she wouldn't leave my side and now I am in the 'I hate my SD phase she is turning into a skank'.

No matter what the phase has been, her phase with her dad has always been one of dislike because I have been told not to like you unless my mum like you (wants / needs / requires babysitter kind of like).

I would say the main reason for not liking my SD apart from her being backwards, uneducated, scruffy...etc etc is because she doesn't like her dad...he has bent over backwards for her, we used to take her everywhere, do fun stuff all the time, but each time she complained, she could be loving what she was doing and then turn round the next minute and say I want to go home, when can I see my mum. BM is the uber skank of the world and has filled SD's head with allsorts of nasty things about her dad....there isn't anything nasty about him, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

I got to the point of why bother even trying anymore, she is never going to like him because she believes her BM...she has told us she wants to be just like her mum...unemployed, young mother, drinks all day, moves from home to home, boyfriend to boyfriend, casual drug user (ok didn't say the drug bit, but its all to come), no education and the poor girl who is only 9 thinks this is great. I've tried to encourage her to want better for herself, but she won't even pick up a book she can't read or write, we have tried working so closely with the school on this, as they get no joy from her mother, but if we try to get her to do anything she refuses to visit her dad...the only reason she ever comes is when BM wants rid of her for whatever reason. Is there anyway we can change the way she feels about her dad?

She has it in her head that being with dad is a bad thing, even though she gets to do anything she likes...within reason and her mother has taken her to 2 places in the whole of her life, the rest of the time she stays at home, her mum never bothers with her at all.

I think we are such a positive influence we have a stable living environment, good education and good jobs, we mix with nice people and have our own beautiful daughter.

SD at the minute just makes me feel sick and to be honest even DH is having enough of being treated so negatively that when she refuses to come over he is relieved because he knows he doesn't have to go through a day of misery.

I would like us all to get on, I know she likes being with me, but I am not going to support her / play with her if she cant even give my husband the time of day. But I will not support someone who's ambition is to be a skank and thinks that her mum is great. She will always love her mum which is fine, but to want to be like her is a joke and I just don't get it. We have tried to prove to SD that her mum is full of it but she just can't see it.