Okay backgroud:
I have two biological children 7(girl) and 9(boy)
My DH has full time custody of two children 7(girl) and 9(girl)

Unbelievable no? Let me say we have an unbelievably easy (knock on wood) time blending our children. SOme bumps yes, but from day one they all took to eachother, call eachother brother and sister etc... We make sure to pair them different ways every now and then to reinforce positive relationships. (Bio sibling time...Little kid time...big kid time... Girl time...) This helps us alot, and we are big on family time. Every friday is family game night etc....

Okay all of this being said I have 2 questions;

1.) My daughter (one of the 7 year olds) is loud, stubborn, (not disrespectful) will tell you what she thinks, and lives by the motto, look like a girl play like a boy. (I must say she takes after me my two SD are the polar opposite. Lovely little girls, prim proper, quiet, cuddlers, soft spoken for the most part although they have their sassy moments too. My question is this; While I adore all of their personalities, in comparison sometimes I feel as if my BD is the one who is always in trouble and seen as the bad one. My BD may be more of a handful, but she is just as loving, just a rougher exterior. In the same respect sometimes she feels left out with her two SS because she plays differently and is louder about things when she doesn't like whats happening. I want to help her understand that she is loved just as much, and how much I value her openess to being different and having courage to speak her mind.

2.) A little preface: My kids BF was involved (everyother weekend) for the first 3 years after our divorce and has just recently 2 months ago stopped seeing the kids and paying child support. (We are currently awaiting court on July 7th) My son idolizes his BF, he is incredibly intelligent (gifted) and is watching his BF fall from grace. A hard process to go through. I can tell he wants so badly to attach more to his SF but I think feels like it would somehow hurt his BF. We talk all the time. He loves his SF (even gave him an amazing handmade fathers day card without being prompted and didnt mention his BF once (although i did have them call and leave a fathers day message on the BF machine)) How do I help him let go and understand that it is ok to have a real dad relationship with his SD too? I mean we are on the way, he gives hugs, says i love you, sits next to him has boy time but you can just tell he wants more but doesnt quite know how to go about it.

Any suggestions? Thanks everyone, and sorry for the length of the letter!
K.