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How do you not get sucked in???

Toooldfor this's picture

SS21 has been a nightmare SK. Fully participated in BM's games, stole, lied, basically just about ruined our marriage and left emotional scars that are still present. As I have posted on my blog, he was sent to jail for two years. He is due to be released and has just sent me the most beautiful Mother's Day letter. How do you not get sucked in when your sk's finally show some appreciation or respect for you??? I feel like I may be being played and hate that I feel that way!

Kes's picture

Talk is cheap - lets see how he behaves when he is released from prison. In my experience - it is easy to write a sentimental letter when you do not have to deal with the person you are writing to, day in day out.
THe test will come when he is back out in the world - how he behaves to you then will determine your response, I am sure.

Toooldfor this's picture

This doesn't mean you need to step back into his life and make sure everything is okay.

But I suck at distancing myself! I want to believe him, but just don't want to open myself up to hurt again. At the same time, I feel guilty for thinking he is setting me up because maybe, just maybe, he is being sincere. Seriously I love kids, I was only able to have one child who is fabulous and still want to believe that I can blend this family into a healthy, loving family.

I guess I am hoping that someone out there in SF land has been able to heal old hurts and make this work :?

Toooldfor this's picture

Thanks newwife3 and believe me one nice letter is not a ticket back into the house! I may be silly sometimes, but I am not stupid! It just broke my heart to read that letter and not be able to just accept it as written. I just get overwhelmed at times with how difficult step-parenting can be. I didn't know him when he was cute and snuggly....I got the teenager (14) who already had enough baggage to break his back.

janeyc's picture

Just don't trust him, its as simple as that, maybe he has had a revelation in prison? Though I doubt it, he's propably just playing up to your partner. It will take time for you to determine wether he has changed or not.

Toooldfor this's picture

I know!!! I am the rock of disengagement when the SK's aren't around or are being crappy, but I melt like a popsicle in July when they show the least appreciation! I suck at this!

Toooldfor this's picture

Fabulous advice Blue Belle! What a great way of looking at the situation! Thank you

Orange County Ca's picture

Accept the card for what's its worth and thank him when the appropriate time comes but remember tigers don't change their stripes easily.

He may very well have seen the light being in prison and all so give him the benefit of the doubt but remain mentally alert. You have no reason to feel bad that you have negative feelings - listen to them they are your best friends.