How to Prove a Mother is Unfit
Does anyone have a clue how to prove a mother unfit? In the situation Im in the BM has her children around a known child molester (her father who sexually abused her for years) and deeply abuses her children emotionl and mental. She is CRAZY, she plays so many games she should be in the NBA and only uses her children as pawns against me (stepmom) and my BF. The children have a history of hospital visits, sickness and body injury when they are with her, and she has a history of drinking and drugs and child abandment. She lies to her children about EVERYTHING and makes everything poss. about HER.
I am wondering if my BF and I can use her history of abuse and drinking and drugging as a way to prove unfit, does anyone know of a website or book I can refer too to see if this bitch fits the profile of unfit cause I know she fits the one of: F*CKING CRAZY!!
Wish I Knew...
Any advise on this one would probably help a good majority of us that are on this site.
I am a SM but I am a BM as well, and I sure hope that when my ex remarries or gets into a serious relationship that I have learned from so many stories on this site how NOT TO ACT as a BM... I would be devestated to find my kids SM on this site discussing me... I think I am a little more sane and stable than that though. At least I sure hope that I am.
unfotuanatly i have expertise in this area
does she still drink and abuse drugs? if so 1 point for you- you can request a psychological eval on her from court also. and no child should be around a child molestor end of story- if her home is unstable and she has abandoned her children another point for you. please check out some of my blogs to see if she fits our bm description if so - we won full parental responsibility and sole physical custody - supervised visits for her - unfortuanaly i had a horrific time trying to find websites or info about this- we spoke to our attorney. And document EVERYTHING!! even if it seems frivilous to you write it down- we have a date book dedicated to bm's mishaps - pictures of filthy kids, dates, times, conversations with her, comments she made, things she wrote in letters, phone calls, EVERYTHING!!! It will help you in court- because you will have dates, time documentation of everything - i highly doubt if she is anything like my sds bm she will have anything compared to this. hope this helps you a little
? on background and history
Does haveing a history of doing drugs help? Or what about a depression state in where she really cant control her mood because of it? How about the question of going to bars and clubs why shes pregnant? Another would be, if shes living with her parents and her dad is abusive and cant control his temper? I could really use some help and would appreciate it if i knew some of these questions. Thanks!
I totally agree with Tiff.
We too were awarded permanent custody of skids and BM has EOW visits to which she does not really exercise. We do not force her to exercise her right, as things are usually a lot more peaceful when she is out of the picture. We actually went for 50/50 and unexpectedly ended up with permanent. As Tiff said, the key is DOCUMENTATION. I kept a calendar on the fridge and would document 1.5 hrs, or "NP" no pick-up. Basically came up with my own set of notes that I could understand, but the kids didn't. I was able to go back for 2 years and provide the history of BMs relationship with the kids. Proved to be very valuable. I documented in a journal phone calls
Ex.: On 8/4/08 @ 2 p.m. BM called and ... or vice versa. BM could only sit with mouth agape, not realizing that we could prove everything we said.
Funny thing is at times when she doesn't like how I discipline the kids (loss of privileges) she rants on about she is going to document it and take us back to court. Who cares. My notes, trump her notes, because mine are real and hers are a scare tactic. (I still document because I am dealing with mental illness and you never know the things they will do).
The proof is in documentation.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Just call CPS
Let the authorities look into it. 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Don't delay if you believe a child is at risk.
Exactly ... document
Exactly ... document everything no matter how small. I'm a GAL and it isn't so much as prooving the BM is unfit, but rather that her actions are a danger to the child. A mother can be unfit in our eyes, but not a danger to the child - that's my situation.
Best bet is to report it to authorities. Find out your state's requirements about sex offenders living with children. Report the fact that sex offender is living with child. Sit down and think like an investigator ... a reporter ... or police officer.
I'm not sure a psych eval will show anything in your situation, other than that she may have been abused by her father. A hair folicle test will show that she has been using drugs, alcohol is much harder to prove.
Best bet is to start with the authorities, possibly hire an attorney if you can afford one, and as for a GAL to be appointed. Their sole responsibility is the best interests of the children.
~ Katrina
,
,
Hey finally something I remember is handy
I don't know what is in your CO about providing safety but theres a start and when we (IN ILL) first started all this DH was court ordered drug testing within 24 hours of BM request since he had been a typical 16y/o when she got pregnant (Lots of waste to test him, hes now sorta a health nut)and as far as the BM and her father, find out if there were ever charges related to the incidents or if family services can help as far as that goes but most counties now have the court records right online to see if shes been in any recent troubles with anything. If there is mounting concern you can call DCFS making a report of the Stepchild being exposed to these things and DO write everything down as factually as possible.
How can I prove my daughter and her b/f unfit?
I have a grand-daughter who is 4mo. old. She has lived with me for 3 and a half months of her life. My daughter took her to live with the father at his mothers apartment. His mother is a known crack user and her husband is an alcoholic. My daughter is on probation in 2 different counties, one for felonious assult, and the other for domestic violence against the father's mother where they live. My daughter was hospitalized for 72 hours in 4 point restraints for trying to hurt the baby when she was 7 months pregnant. She was beating on her stomach and banging her head saying she did not want the baby. She has a history of violence, and is ADD. She refuses to go for help or counsiling or parenting classes. By the was she is 23 years old. She is very inappropriate with her half sister, I have a picture of them french kissing, the sister is only 15 years old. The father of the baby has over 50 counts of child molestation he is charged with and going to court for as we speak in the state of Fla. When he is done there the same girl moved to Georgia, and they have also charged him with over 50 counts of child molestation in that state as well. At the end of July 08 they will be evicted. My daughter took my grand-daughter for 2 weeks and when she brought her back to me, the baby had a cigarrette burn on her left arm above the elbow. They claim it was an accident, that someone threw the cig. and it hit the baby. At least thats what the father told me. But they did not take her for treatment. This burn was over a week old, and was very bad, I took the baby to the ER and the DR. told me that the burn looked to be done on purpose. It was a straigt on burn, if it was an accident as they claimed there would be other burns, like where it rolled off, or was brushed off. The hospital called CPS. they would not even come out to look at the baby, they acted like we were bothering them over just a cig. burn. I work at the hospital, and I am in my clinicals for RN. My husband works for Domestic relations court. We called an ATTY. and we were awarded emergancy temp. custody. We went back to court, and they made me give the baby back to my daughter and her b/f. I am terrified of what may happen next. I know in my heart this baby is at risk. But no one will listen to me. I am afraid that they may accidently kill this baby. I know without a doubt in my mind this baby WILL be hurt. CPS is only concerned with does the baby have food and a place to sleep. I have had her for 3 1/2 months of her little life, this is the only home she knows. I am sick, worried, and extremely depressed over this. Can some one please help me. How can I prove them unfit? How can I bring my grand daughter HOME where she belongs? My daughter was also married before. She met a man on the internet, he was in the service, he came home, they met, knew eachother for 2 months and got married. Shortly after that, he went to Iraq, my daughter came home to me, and got pregnant with the baby, she cheated on her husband who was in Iraq, he divorced her. She is talking to him again, and another guy, while she is living with the babies father. He the father was raised in foster homes, because his mother had him and his brother living in the back of a U-haul truck, she was selling her food stamps for drugs and feeding the boy dog food. CPS came and took the boys, and he grew up in foster homes, he is only 19 years old. Please help me. VERY CONCERNED IN OHIO!!
Thank you for reading this.
I am sorry
The whole situation sucks for you and the child. Unfortuneatley, this is not the site for you. I would try the 800 number mentioned in an earlier post. I would contact legal aid in your area and see if they can help you. I would continue to report any incidents to CPS and if you are not okay with the results then talk to a supervisor. Sometimes you have to go to the top to get them to look at what is really going on.
Good luck to you
no such thing
I really don't think there is any way to prove a BM unfit. SD's mom has abandoned her not once....not twice....but three times....
She has been to prison three times, serves extended time in county jail, prostituted herself in front of SD, uses meth and crack, cannot stick to the "stability" order of the judge where she has to call once a week for the mental health needs of SD (has called four times in seven months), subjected SD to witnessing domestic violence, allowed her own stepfather to sexually abuse SD, own mother to physically abuse SD....oh this list goes on!
And the judge still finds it in the best interest of SD to have this horrible woman involved in SD's life. Even when SD is screaming on the phone for BM to just go away and stay gone! It is this twisted judicial system we survive in!
"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." ...Martin Mull
Can I prove my sons grandmother unfit?
My oldest son is 5 years old. And yes he has lived with his fathers mom for 3 years due to the fact I did not have a place to live. I have had a place to live for a lil over a year now but we do not have the house ready for him yet. I also have a 1 year old that lives with me. Now my oldests sons gram is only suppose to have my son until I get situated but now she is fighting me saying that she will never give him back to me. I know for a fact that his grandmother did drug deals out of her house and she also buys pills for my mom from her home with my child in the home. She shoplofts too because she use to do it when I was with her. My oldest son has lifted stuff from stores on 3 ocassions and she laughed it off like it was nothing. I have no legal proof that she does this stuff. Her and my mother r now taking me to court to have my son completely takin from me. Can I bring this up in court? Or do I need proof that she does this. Also she is commiting housing fraud by living in a home that she rents out by my mother and they have lied to hud saying they dont know each other. What can I do to get my kid back? Please help me
I would call
HUD and ask them what do they suggest you do to prove that and then go about doing just that.
As far as the other stuff I would try to get proof. Does she still do it or is this past stuff? If she no longer does it then you are pretty much out of luck on proving it. Allowing a 5 year old to shoplift is definitely not going to work in her favor, but then with everything you need PROOF. I think you need to think up a master plan to atch her in the act. Buy a disposable camera if you have to and take pics.
Good Luck.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I just found out that my
I just found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with her ex boyfriend. He's on probation for drug charges. They both frequently use drugs and she is pregnant. Is there anyway that i could get full custody of my child when it's born?
WOW That Sux
Not without proof? Maybe you can have them do a drug test on the baby when it is born. If there are drugs in the system it would definitely be undeniable proof. Also, if she is cheating how do you know that the baby is yours? I mean maybe she was cheating BEFORE you found out. Not to sound callous just putting it out there although I'm sure that it has already entered your mind.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
It is very hard to do unless ....
the parent is a crack-head, axe murdering child pornographer.
When BioDad filed for custody we took photographic evidence, police and victim testimony to court proving that BioDad had a history of inappropriate sexual relationships with minors and the Judge even accepted and acknowledged the evidence. BioDad was in his early 20's and my wife was 16 when SS was born. BioDad had been dating another 16yo when he started dating my wife and left her for another 16yo two years later. We had police and all of hte former 16yo statutory rape victims on the stand testifying these facts.
The Judges answer and ruling: "Step Dad is much older than BioMom, so the age difference between BioDad and his GFs is not relevant" I stood up at that point and rather loudly told the judge that I had never molested a minor as BioDad had repeatedly done. The judge told the bailiff to arrest me if I spoke again.
In his ruling the Judge said "Any child would be lucky to be part of this loving family" when referencing BioDad and his psychotic mother. Of course it did not help us that SpermGrandMa cleans houses for the DA and several judges in that jurisdiction.
So, unless you find BM with Human remains in her freezer and video tape her hitting the crack pipe and posting naked porn of your skids or other children on the web it is highly unlikely that a judge will rule her to be unfit.
Best regards,
If you believe the child is
If you believe the child is in danger, call CPS immediately. If you are trying to get custody, contact an attorney.
My husband and I have been
My husband and I have been married for nine months and he has a beautiful 4 year old daughter. My husband and the BM have worked hard to stay out of the court system, but BM consistently refuses to let us see SD even though LH pays BM child support.
SD has had lice for a year that we treated every time we got her, but it always came back when she went home to BM. LH called CPS last year when SD was seemed malnourished and we found out that BM's new baby daddy that she lives with has a domestic violence and sexual misconduct record, but no investigation was performed.
Now we are hearing from a friend that a friend of the BM witnessed her baby daddy hitting BM with the children present. We live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford a lawyer or court costs at this time, but we are saving up for all of that. What can we do about the reports coming from the house that BM and SD live?