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I’m about to call HCBM!! I’m LIVID!!!

Biostep7777's picture

If her and my SS's don't stop talking crap about me and my kids!!! So here's what happened: my daughter went on a walk with her friends (they are teenagers BTW) and took a wrong turn (my neighbor has a ton of turns and they were chatting away and didn't pay attention) so DD called me, dropped a pin and she got nervous and asked me to come get her. It was all fine. This is why I make sure she has a phone, told them to stay in a group and she knows how to let me know where she is. So I took my car to go grab her which had SS's gear in it, I got back, DH took my car and they got there on time and all was FINE! 
So, last night HCBM writes DH saying it's concerning that an "incident" that happened made SS late to practice.  He wasn't late but he lied and told her he was. These kids lie all the time. She told DH to stop cursing "angrily" in front of the kids (he was not mad AT ALL and did not curse one time). Another lie. Then apparently he told her that my daughter RAN AWAY. WTF? He actually told DH he said all this and that his mom was asking questions about our house. DH had a long talk with him but I'm sick to death of these kids telling their mother things about my kids, lying, talking shit!!!!!! It's infuriating!!!! I'm not really going to call her but I dear to god. MY KIDS ARE NONE OF THEIR CONCERN. I'm fuming!!! Just needed to vent. I'm so mad. 

tog redux's picture

Get used to it. My SS lied about us all the time. He lied about BM to us, too. It won't stop because your SS needs to please his mother. 
 

Did DH do a BIFF reply? BM, the version of events you were given is not accurate, and SS was not late to practice, as we have discussed before. I will not respond to any more emails about this. 
 

She fears losing control, this is how they behave when under stress.  Expect it. Get out of court ASAP, court causes this. 

Biostep7777's picture

YES he did!! I wrote a post about this in another forum (mentally ill parehts I think) thanking y'all for the info on the BIFF statements. That's pretty much exactly what he said. They don't lie about her to us. We don't talk about her ever unless it's "do you need help picking out a Mother's Day gift for your mom?" Or lately DH has been calling them out on their lies. "Hey mom let me know you were concerned about being late. If you have concerns about anything in our home you can always talk to me. I'm here for you and always willing to listen and work through it" So, it's letting them know she is telling us this shit and also telling SS to talk to him about him or our house. No need to bring their mother into it. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I hate to see you so upset, but you MUST not let her get to you.

Firstly, whatever the troll writes to your spouse, tell him you don't want to hear it. Who gives a shit what she thinks of you? Honestly, anyone who really knows her knows she's a trashy drama queen.

And your husband has to stop taking the bait. If he knows he was not late, it doesn't matter what she says. Remember that.

And, didn't you say your spouse was using the check in feature for OFW? If so, have him do it for arrivals at sports games/practice.

 

Biostep7777's picture

Thank you!! Luckily because of the awesome advice here, he didn't take the bate. He wrote a BIFF statement and just said "your statement are not accurate" and left it alone! The reason he told me is because it concerned my kids and he felt I should be aware which I'm glad he did! I would have not been happy if I knew there was a discussion about my kids and I was left in the dark. However, we have talked about him just dealing with as much as he can without me going forward and only talking to me about what he thinks might be necessary to tell me. Since it was about my DD he felt this was one of those times. Yes! He is using OFW to track his every move!! He does use it for sports. We are covered! 

Biostep7777's picture

Oh I know! I'm not going to but I want to just tell her off and tell her to NEVER talk about my kids. They are absolutely none of her business. 

MountainMom's picture

Just laugh it off. That's what we do over here. We are moving to another state and ss wants to come with us. He is almost 15. Bm knows what he wants and knows there isn't much she can do, so she emailed yesterday that she scheduled him for a dentist appointment in September. Rolling my eyes. We will be long gone by then. They like to play games. We don't even respond anymore. That seems to pass her off even more.

Biostep7777's picture

Ha!! Yeah, I'm trying to get there. When it comes to my kids though? I mean, it's my kids. Mama bear comes out. 

CastleJJ's picture

Honey, I have been through this and a whole lot worse. 

1. BM accused DH of medical insurance fraud with her insurance card, which we never had; Didn't even know who the carrier was. 

2. BM accused BIL of sexually assaulting SS, which is hilarious because BM and SS had never even met BIL since BIL lived across the country. The judge issued a "No contact" order just to be safe since it was BM's word against BILs. Well, when it came time for DH and I to get married, the judge ruled that BM could attend our wedding to "supervise". Well guess what, 10 months after the wedding, during a heated court battle, BM accused BIL of sexually assaulting SS AT THE WEDDING SHE SUPERVISED. DH and I had video evidence and over 100 witnesses ready to prove that SS and BIL weren't within 20 feet of each other all night. Plus we had an email from BM from a month after the wedding saying how the wedding was such a positive experience for SS and that he was so happy... 

3. BM wouldnt let us enroll SS in daycare during our parenting time, as it "violates her sole legal custody". Well BM lives out of state, so that left us with very little options. DH had maxed out his PTO with other visitation and he didn't have any left for summer because he didn't think childcare would be an issue. So, my parents came out to our city and paid to camp (several hundred dollars), just so they could watch SS for us during the day. DH later received an email from BM saying that "my parents swore and yelled at their dogs in front of SS and if DH could not get them under control, they wouldn't be allowed to have contact with SS anymore." My parents have never swore in their entire lives. My mom literally cringes when she hears a swear word. I was pissed because she attacked my family after they spent hundreds to provide childcare for SS, but I realized, she was only seeking a reaction and I wasn't about to get her one. 

I have so many more stories like this. Your DH stopped feeding her narc supply so she is stepping up her game by attacking those DH cares for, hoping she finds the right button to push.

The whole point is these HCBMs is to alienate the skids away from others in the family to weaken DH's allies. Her hope is that if she attacks your children, then you will say "screw this" and leave. Then it works for BM because 1) it leaves DH miserable and heartbroken and 2) it reduces DH's allies. Our BM attempted to alienate SS from everyone in both of our families, saying that her parents and brother are SS's only true family. She completely disregards DH's side 100%. DH just makes it up by having everyone visit when SS is with us, and guess what, they have all developed great relationship with him which drives BM crazy. 

This is a long game. BM is out for blood and she will continue to make up lies and accusations solely as a means to WIN and maintain control. Don't allow her to get in your head and whatever you do, DO NOT REACT.

Biostep7777's picture

Thank you!! I'm not going to react. Well...I'm not going to let her know anyway. I just needed to vent and I'm okay now. I was just initially pissed! But, lots of great advice on here has helped me take a step back and see things for what they really are. Her pathetic attempt to hurt our family over extreme jealousy and insecurity. I have to just have pity on her that she has to lie to make herself feel better because she can't handle the truth. 

CastleJJ's picture

Just remember, these BMs will go to any extreme to win, even if it costs them their integrity. Karma always bites these people at some point. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah this is how I feel too. They are masters at what they do. Master manipulators, master liars, masters are hiding the truth and masters at convincing people they are healthy individuals when they are not. I don't know how she has the energy to keep up the facade. 

tog redux's picture

DH and I are happy and done with any legal ties to her. So if she never gets karma that's okay with me as long as I am rid of her. 

Biostep7777's picture

Lol!! Pretty sure that is her dream come true. Several therapists as well as the school counselor told her that her enmeshment with the children is unhealthy. She smiles and says "they love their mama. What can I say."

She actually thinks having them depend on her is proof that she's a good mom. Like.... what?? Maybe when they are babies but not teenagers for crying out loud! SS couldn't even pour juice when he was 10!!! He expects us to do his laundry for him, pack his belongings, remember what he needs to bring back to his mom's house and cook all his meals! He's 15!!!!! Hell no. My kids have been doing their own laundry, packing for their dad's ect.. since they were 10. There's no.way.in.hell we are doing that for a 15 year old! He's not going to make it in college for one week. Well actually he just might because we raise independent kids that are not entitled on this house. Which they HATE! They want to go back to mommy who does everything for them. They literally get mad when we tell them to clean up after themselves. They say "OKAY FINE!!" I get some of that is normal teenage stuff but they are mad bevatae we won't do it for them. SS said "you are standing right there, why can't you just do it?" I said "why should I clean up a mess thaf I didn't make because you want to play video games? Your messes are your responsibility not mine." I wanted to scream!!! But I kept cool. Ohhhh boy was I mad though. 

simifan's picture

Am I the only one concerned that three teeenagers couldn't find their way home in their own neighborhood?

futurobrillante99's picture

3 teens with cell phones no less. If you can drop a pin, you can ask the GPS for directions to your own house. 

Biostep7777's picture

Agreed but I told her that if anything like this happened to stop walking, drop a pin and call me. I rather them do that then try to navigate their way home. I mean we are not all perfect right? Things happen. Especially with teens who are finding their independence. We have safety precautions in place for exactly these reasons. 

Biostep7777's picture

My neighborhood has a ton of turns! They just went went down the wrong street and she realized it, stopped and called me. Our neighborhood is massive. We did talk about paying more attention next time though. These things happen. It was a mistake and she learned a valuable lesson. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Does she have a smartphone? She should be able to enter her home address in the GPS and get walking directions. She needs to learn this or I wouldn't let her drive a car. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yes she has this and that's what they were doing. They just took a wrong turn. I have certainly took a wrong turn even looking at my GPS. She got freaked out about it so I went and got her. We had a long talk about paying attention and being more aware of her surroundings. She's 13. She's just starting to gain her independence. She made a mistake, she learned a lesson and we talked about how to make sure it doesn't happen next time. Overall I feel good about the outcome. Oh course ideally no teen would ever make any mistakes or stupid decisions but they do. The important thing is that when she found herself in a jam she followed my directions and was not scared to call mom for help. This is exactly what I hope they always do because no doubt they will find themselves in more jams as they grow up. 

Thumper's picture

Ya knowwwww, your husbands lawyer could send bm's lawyer a letter---putting her ass on notice.

Dear BM lawyer,

Please instruct your client to refrain from calling my clients  wife and her child blah blah OR doing blah blah to my clients wife and her minor child.

SHOULD your client continue, I have instructed my client to seek a harassment charges against your client plus all possible relief from the court....

Signed dh's lawyer Smile

Maybe cost you a few bucks, not much, to send this to bm's lawyer.

This should fix the problem....It worked for us. But of course she stopped that action and moved on to something else. That is expected with people like her. It never ends---but that shit did...can I swear on here? Wink

 

Biostep7777's picture

Oh she doesn't speak to me at all. She pretends my kids and I do not exist. She emails DH talking shit. 

LBS714's picture

He literally told my DD11 "just lie about it, I lie all the time", heard it with my own two ears. Thankfully, my DD11 isn't in the habit of lying. I've raised her better than that. He lies about disagreements at the house, about his own bio mom, like he's got such a terrible life. Sociopathic habitual liar. Hope yours gets better. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yep. Sounds the same but she believes literally everything they say. Even though the therapists told her that the kids are saying these things to please her so she naturally did what every narcissist mother would do....she stormed into their office like a crazy person and fired them. She's a piece of work. 

Rags's picture

Total and immediate confrontation of BM's crap.  Call her. Tell her you and their gather know that she is a manipulative skank whore and the kids are lying to keep her happy. Ask her how she feels destroying her children with her crap?

When the kids do this crap, DH needs to make it crystal clear that the kids will stop the spying and lying and that their mother will suffer consequences for her manipulation.  Most importantly, they will suffer conseqennces for participating the the crap their mother leads.

Manipulated kids or not, their choices are their own and they must realize that when they choose the lies and manipulations, they choose the consequences.

Your job, and their father's job, is apply those consequences ... to both the SKid's choices and BM's choices.